Feel worse than ever

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It’s 12 weeks to the day that I lost the love of my life.  I feel more desperate, lonely, sad  and confused now than I did last week and the week before.   I need to try and find some kind of work as I gave my business up to care for my Maureen during covid.  But I have lost all ambition or motivation too do anything.   Why is this so hard ?   I have her ashes home now and find myself just sitting and talking to a wooden box.  The tears just don’t stop.  I knew it was going to be hard but this is so much worse than I ever imagined it could be.  Can’t see anyway of moving forward or any point.   I really feel I’ve just had enough.  

  • Hi Ivy 

    Thanks for your reply,  I do read them just takes me time to reply.  
    my heart goes out to you and your children.  
    I try to stay busy, then feel guilty that I haven’t cried for 10 minutes.   

    Take care Ivy 

    jon x

  • Hello

    i am or should I say was in a very similar position, couldn’t see the point in anything, just kept crying, no motivation etc etc, luckily I am retired, so do t have the pressure of work, family have been very supportive. I didn’t want anti depressants, but the DR put me on Citalopram 10mg, helped a little, but still had the utter despair and anxiety and depression, after 3 weeks he increased it to 20mg, which is the max as I am over 60. But it’s made such a change. Of course I am still totally sad, but am keeping my head above water and the depression anxiety has subsided a lot. Mornings are the worse, I wake up with severe nausea and anxiety, the thought of facing another day no doubt, living on my own doesn’t help, nothing to fill my day. I take metachlopromide for the nausea which helps, if I take one at around 4am if I wake to go to the toilet, it makes it easier when I wake up. I generally stay in bed till 10am then go down have tea and cereal and go back to bed for a dozen till lunchtime. By the afternoon I start feeling better, nausea goes mostly. Meal times are difficult for me, especially lucnch, I now just have marmalade on toast for lunch. Everyone says it will get easier, and it feels like it never will, but see your GP and get some help. I have also emailed the Samaritans, very sympathetic. Also well-being, social prescribing etc. I signed up for all the support I could find, haven’t yet managed to go to a coffee char Etc. But hope to get the courage. It’s so so tough, I feel for you I really do, I know the pain first hand, as you say no one would believe how much it hurts. Another thing I tried is I downloaded some meditation relaxation music, sit back eyes shut in a darkened room and just listen, you will cry but may get some peace. I have only just started, so once the collection is complete I can post you a link to it in a private message, once you accept my friend request.

    Hang in there, your situation will improve, hope I have given you some ideas.

    Sweat Linda You are my best memory, You are all of my best memories

  • There’s nothing at all unhealthy about talking to your Wife, she is in your heart and soul and always will be, I constantly talk to my Wife sometimes have a laugh at something she would feel silly. It’s normal and I think healthy….good luck

    Sweat Linda You are my best memory, You are all of my best memories

  • Hi there,

    I recognise the nausea and the anxiety that you are talking about, not just from early on three and a half years ago but also from a couple of weeks ago when I was feeling very low. I went to a massage therapist whom I really trust and told her about it all. She said that she felt that my nervous system was very stressed and that therefore I wasn't able to get any relaxation into my system, something that I think was very true. So how about if you book yourself something nice like a massage or maybe an aroma therapy treatment or just something to pamper yourself. I know this may be very far from your mind right now but I do believe it helps because it rebalances us and gives us relaxation that alone we sometimes cannot find.

    I was surprised to read that you are on metachlopromide for your nausea. Personally I thought that this is a medication mostly given to cancer patients when undergoing chemo or radiation. But of course I am not a medical professional so don't really know...

    I think it is good to take an antidepressant. I take 10 mg of Lexapro and I wouldn't want to be without it. I also take sleeping tablets and I could not be without them and would not want to be because they help me get a full night of sleep which I feel I really need.

    I suppose we are all trying to do our best in a very difficult situation. But what I have learned is to really make sure that we do proper self-care is very important because it makes a difference.

    Lots of love Mel

    I don't like the term "moving on" because it sounds to me like we are leaving our loved ones and the life we had with them behind. I like the term "moving forward" as it implies that, while life goes on, our loved ones are still with us in our hearts and minds. 

  • Thanks something to think about.

    take care

    Sweat Linda You are my best memory, You are all of my best memories