Feel worse than ever

Thank you Glenis,  I appreciate that.  I am going to try and find something,  I think I need to talk as can’t go on feeling like this , it’s ok talking to Maureen’s ashes but I know it’s probably not healthy.    
take care of yourself 

Jon

I too am having a bad few days, can’t stop crying.  i was going to go to France with friends yesterday for a few days but just couldn’t do it without Rob with me.

I miss him so much, if only to have one more hug with him.

i thought I was doing well then yesterday it was though i’d crashed into a brick wall and  all the pain increased.  I’m not close to Rob’s  family in fact since the funeral not one of them have spoken to me (but then they hadn’t spoken to me for 5 years previously so what did I expect?). i can’t reach out to them.

Woke up this morning and it’s no better.  Am meeting a friend tomorrow for lunch so that’s a reason to get going tomorrow.

Tomorrow is another day and hopefully a better one.

Dear Bobjake et Al,

Its gone midnight and just signed in because I to am literally falling apart right now. For me it's just 8 days since my one and only true love passed away. Yes it's early days but each day gets worse.

My brother has moved in and is a rock of support, but I just feel bad I'm taking him away from his partner. My world has gone and I would literally give anything just to hold her hand for one minute.

As others have said it is just getting worse I can feel the whole scenario taking me over, no future, no drive for anything, my wife was my life and we just loved each others company 24/7. Yes we had other interests and I have two lovely grandkids, but without Sharon I just don't feel like getting involved with anyone or anything any more.

Time may be a great healer but currently I don't feel I can wait, it just hurts and I miss her so much my heart aches constantly.

My darling Sharon I am am so so so sorry I couldn't protect, and save you. Xxxxxx. Paul Uno

Dear Paul,    I know exactly how you are feeling I really do, I don’t sleep, I feel lost just wishing the day away. Today is my Maureen s birthday I feel numb, I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel ? 
grief is exhausting, I can’t even think about finding work.  I also tell her every day how sorry I am I couldn’t do more. I wish I could have changed places with her.  I so wish I could tell you it will get easier but after 12 weeks I still think st times she will be coming back.  You are fortunate to have your brother with you, do use his support. 
I understand that you just want to hold and feel her one more time….. I long for the same every day, I lay here tonight and long to feel her beside me. 
I don’t know if time is a healer,  I think all time does is allows you to accept.  
I know Maureen wouldn’t want me to give up or be in such a state as I’m sure your wife wouldn’t either  but I know that’s easier said than done  

sorry if this is a bit of a rambling  

I do hope you feel some peace soon 

take care of yourself Paul 

Jon

Hi Paul I feel your pain it is 6 weeks since my beloved Lynne passed away and yes it does get worse, but there are times when having someone around does ease the weight pushing me down ,so hang in there and take it day by day  ,it is good you have your brother to lean on ,use him to help you I find myself all alone in the house and its really hard, but there are people on here who give me hope because they are still living a life after what we have gone through even though the thought of it is so hard  best wishes Terry 

Dear Paul,

I can feel your pain through your words from last night. Believe me, I understand - and we all on here do - how devastated, lonely and lost you feel right now.

But please don't feel that you could have protected your lovely Sharon from this disease or kept her more safe. It wasn' possible for any of us to do this, it's just such a horrible disease.

Just felt I wanted to say that to you today.

Lots of love

Mel

Hello

I am  at 12 weeks also, going through the same emotional state you describe, although my Wife’s ashes were scattered last Saturday, wasn’t as painful as the funeral, wasn’t sure what to expect.  Like you I can’t concentrate or motivate myself, even eating is a challenge. I do have family support, mainly a wattsapp group chat but it does help, my Son from my second marriage comes round every 3 days and we watch TV play board games etc. gives me an excuse to have. A proper meal ( TV dinner ) rather than fish fingers etc.

I keep searching for an answer to ease the suffering, but it seems there is none, other than time. I also feel sometimes I just can’t go on, but these feelings are easing and being replaced with numbness. I have days when I can’t stop crying amd others where actually feel in control, but it’s a delusion, it all comes back again a couple of days later.

take care and the pain will ease, we have to be patient, I am blessed with no mortgage and retired, but the downside is I a, 68 and so afraid of being alone for the rest of my life, I a, 30-40 inwardly, which only makes things worse…..

Hi Keith,

Your message is so poignant. I am retired at 64, financially we were ok and so planned to travel(cruising) to places we always wanted to see. Far East, Panama Canal, Australia/New Zealand, etc.. we were making plans in May when darling Sharon was diagnosed. She kept going trying to maintain a normal life as much as possible and just told my brother and her best friend. We are both private people and didn't want sympathy.

Sadly in September it became clear it was getting worse, and much as we tried not to think of it we both knew worse was too come. Neither of us expected this ending, we always said if we could get just another few healthy years we do our travelling and then feel settled into our wonderful life together and take it easy. Sharon was just 66 when she passed in my arms on 17/10, we met 6 years ago and she quickly became my only ever true love. We just revelled in each others company and never felt we needed anything else in our lives tbh. We ate out twice a week and never tired of chatting, holding hands in our favourite restaurants.

Now like you I cannot imagine a life on my own, our little dog is a comfort and reminder of good times but not the same. My greatest fear is I could live another 10+ years, for nothing as far as I can see as Sharon was truly my whole life.

I miss you more each day my darling and my heart will be forever broken, hopefully we will be together and be happy together once more.

I will love you and only you until the end of time. Rest peacefully my darling until we are back in each others arms. Xxxxxx

My Sister in law said to me that no one should be alone unless that is the re choice to do so. As you say, hopefully we will both be around for some years to come, but having no one to share our laughter, dreams, ideas is to be honest unthinkable. I have always been part of a team, my Wife and  I apart from a ‘break’ between 1983 and 2005 we have been together since 1970. Everything I see in the world affects me in one way or another and brings the sadness sharply in focus. I see couples on TV Romancing and being intimate, something I miss so very very much, I really only want this with my Linda, but she is no longer here, so have to face an uncertain future alone, unless I meet someone else who I can be happy with.

You can always PM me, will always listen even if I don’t have any answers

keith

Bobjake, 

Hey. I've never actually commented on anyones posts before but I felt like I needed to on this one. 

I'll doubt your even read this but I'll continue. It feels terrible right now,  you feel all alone and like nothing will ever feel the void of Maureen. I know that feeling too. I'm sure you've heard this alot over these last few months but it will get easier, OVERTIME. Just because today is hard doesn't mean everyday is going to be hard. I know no matter what people say you'll never truly get over her death, I really do understand that but you've got to remain as positive as you can during these weeks. Times goes on and it takes alot of efforts to Keep up. It's only early days, your reaction is natural. I'm very sorry for your loss x

Make sure your not neglecting yourself, make sure your eating and sleeping as much as you can. 

I've only just turned 21 myself. I lost my husband on the 18th September of this year, I'm pregnant with our second set of twins currently, we also have another daughter. I'm a 21 year old widow who's about to have 5 kids believe me I know what your going through. My crying never stops, at least not on the inside. I'm up every night worrying for my 3 children and 2 unborn children. 

I send my hope and love

Ivy x 

P.s do you have anything to keep you busy? Keep your mind of things even if it's only for a few minutes. I certainly have alot.