Feel worse than ever

Hi Bobjake sorry to hear how you feel, it's 6 weeks since the love of my life passed away and I feel exactly like you, I retired early to look after Lynne and now I have nothing to want to get up for in the morning and I don't want to do anything anyway, I also talk to Lynne all the time I think it helps, from Lynne's diagnosis 3 years ago until she passed she fought so bravely right up to the last minute, so as much as I don't want to be here I feel I have to try because she was such a fighter and wanted to live so much, soas hard as it is will keep fighting and hope and pray it gets easier and if it does I know Lynne will have made it possible, I hope you can do the same and get through it best wishes and all the best Terry 

Dear Bobjake and Tellin,

I am so sorry to hear how you both are feeling. It sounds like your grief is really hitting your very hard right now. And it is so understandable. It is such early days for you both. And at this point in time a life without your loved ones seems neither manageable nor desireable. Believe me, I remember that feeling of having enough so very well from three years ago when my beloved Paul died from prostate cancer that had spread to the liver. Over time, the pain eased a little, then a little more, until life became bearable again. Today I would even say that life is good again, even though it is not at all the life I wanted to have. I hope that in time and through the support from people close to you and through this forum you will be able to live with the pain a little better. Lots of love to you both, Mel.

Thankyou so much melaniel it really does give some comfort knowing that people who have had the same devastating heartbreak can somehow live life again even the one they didn't want ,best wishes Terry 

Dear Terry, thanks for taking the time to reply it helps to know I’m not alone. I’m so sorry for your loss. My Maureen fought since Dec 2013   Breast cancer, which went to the bone, lung cancer with a third of lung removed then bowel cancer which went to her liver. But she never gave up or complained her moto was let’s do one day at a time so we lived in hope.  She definitely wouldn’t want me to give up, but as I’m sure you also feel there seems little point to anything.  We were so happy together we didn’t have friends we enjoyed each other’s company.  I do hope it gets easier. 
Maureen promised me that no matter where I am she would always be with me….. I just pray she is as that is all that is keeping me going.  
take care Terry I wish you well 

Jon.  

Dear Mel

Thank you for your kind and wise words

i don’t ever think I will feel any different but who knows , maybe I will be able to accept it in time.  I think the road ahead is going to be a long one. 
thank you again 

kindest thoughts 

jon.  

Thanks for the kind words bobjake Lynne also had bowel cancer which spread but I still believed she would beat it, its what keeps you going ,we hardly had a day apart in 35 years and all I needed was Lynne's company, but now I look forward to spending time with people if only for half an hour it does help even when I know as soon as Lynne is mentioned I will be overcome and not be able to speak till it passes ,ihave booked some counselling which I have never had before but I think I'll try it and if it doesn't suit there's nothing lost best wishes terry 

Thanks Terry 

I have rightly or wrongly shut myself away from everyone. Don’t feel sociable or friendly. 
I have thought about maybe talking to a councillor but really have no idea how to go about it. Hope yours does help you.  All the best. Jon 

Hi Jon you can Google bereavement counsellors in your area but it will be about fifty pounds a session, cruse bereavement care is a national charity but they were very busy so they gave me the details of a local cancer care charity who are giving me a consultation to assess if it would benefit me, also Macmillan also offer bereavement counselling as do hospices ,Lynne was in a  hospice when she passed ,they added me to a list but they too were very busy, but everyone was very helpful and easy to talk too ,so it may help because like you I have no desire to venture out and would rather just stay home on my own  but when people call I do feel that it lifts me a little after chatting ,best wishes  Terry 

Hi Terry Thanks for that information, I will contact cruse,  I did briefly have contact with a hospice here in Norfolk but I cared for Maureen st home and tried to do as much as possible myself for her so didn’t have much outside help until the last couple of days.  My only concern is as soon as I start to talk about her I become a mess.  
I will give it a try…. I think. 
very best wishes Terry 

Jon

hi Jon, i referred myself to MacMillan for counselling and it does take a while, 6/8 weeks apparently to start but hopefully it will do me some good.  Rob didn’t go into a hospice, my daughter and I cared for him at home but the hospice came out every day to change his driver and help us.  From what I understand, during the pandemic MacMillan and the hospices teamed up together hence why I can use the bereavement team.

Take care

Glenis