Memories of my wife

Hi Jayne 

you are exactly right, this is a very difficult lonely situation we find ourselves in, I’m now just passed 14 weeks. God only knows how.  I’m having a bad day today,  dark nights are not helping.  
Thinking of you all.  
jon.  

This is the struggle we have,we have lost our partners,the life we had its all changed  its all gone,but we also had to witness there pain and suffering bordering on being tortured I would say,there loss of a future with there loved ones,then that voice in your head that says well your still here stop feeling sorry for yourself your still here, I'm stunned that it's not standard practice for your gp to be informed of your loss, you should be contacted by a health care provider to check your ok this is a seriously traumatic event.

I'm only on my sixth week god knows how I'm doing it I still can't stop shaking,bad dreams,pushing myself with everything I do,eating is a real issue,and I have a lot to live for but its just exhausting hate waking in the morning knowing I have a day to bluff my way through. 

Sorry just needed a rant x

Very early days.    I do understand,  I eat because I know I have to, hate looking in cupboards because they are full of things I know Maureen liked. So I don’t open them,  I get up as late as possible so the day is as short as I can make it.  Hate waking in the morning and she is not there. 
I haven’t had a single phone call from my gp , have thought about talking to someone, but I’m not sure! I m sure like you I try and keep busy doing nothing.  
don’t know about you but I just feel deserted by the health care system.   Don’t be sorry,  I find just writing it can help.    

My husband passed on the 15th October, funeral was last Thursday. I know I need help. We were together nearly 48 years, I just want to feel numb. Our daughter and granddaughter live with us, they’re both struggling too and as much as I love them both and want to help them, I know I can’t. I have no interest in anything, my only thought is to last long enough, till the girls are alright. I hope these feelings pass, but I don’t think I’ll ever feel happy again. 

Its so strange that we have resigned ourselves to not being here ourselves much longer,I'm convinced I'm dying myself is this just part of grief no one is explaining these feelings to me.

I don’t think I’m dying, I’m just not interested in be here without him. I certainly don’t want to put the girls through more pain and so I guess I’ll live in limbo, till I don’t. All the logical explanations I would normally give to someone in my position, prior to loosing him, have evaporated. I will search out help but I believe if you haven’t suffered loss like this, you wouldn’t understand, empathy is not enough. 
I read somewhere, it’s good to write down your feelings, then read them back after a while to see if you feel any better, it won’t hurt and writing feelings down, getting them out, may be therapeutic. 

Hi all its coming up to nine weeks now since my beautiful wife Lynne passed away, and from always being an early riser its usually 10 o clock now when I make myself get up if only to feed the cat ,as for eating anything I really struggle because I have this sickly feeling in my stomach all the time, I force myself but I have some strange meals ,I have organized some counselling which starts next week and the lady I spoke to told me to contact my gp which I did, the thing is with my Gp I get a different doctor every time and they have no idea about my situation, so the gp I spoke too just offered me a weeks course of sleeping tablets after he had asked me if I was suicidal, but I have taken them and I think they do help a little, although the dark evenings are really hard to get through as I'm sure everyone knows  like you say will it ever change ,can it change after what happened to our loved ones we can only see what each day brings  and hope for the best, whatever that will be,                     best wishes to everyone 

Firstly I’m very sorry for your loss. I have read all the comments below and it makes me wonder what is worse losing somebody very quickly not even having all test results back as in my case or as some of you have described months/ years of being carers and watching the suffering of our loved ones. I would give anything to be able to have a few more conversations with Craig & another hug this was denied to me he passed away 4 weeks after being diagnosed with lung cancer. It is horrendous for us all and we are part of a group which we hope others do not have to join. Sending love to u all xx