Memories of my wife

At first all I could think of was my husband when he was ill and it felt like our life before didn't really happen.  That still is the case sometimes but there are times when a memory of a holiday for instance will come to mind. 

Yes grief is exhausting and so you need to take care of yourself

My friend you've effectively just climbed mount Everest with your determind effort, love, strength, and complete devotion to your lovely wife's care. Now you are having to descend that high peak and as with so many climbers who fall descending  you are hanging on as best you can after  total exhaustion. Total dedication. You feel exhausted as I do very occasionally even now  2yrs after losing my wife to pancreatic cancer. But I'm hanging on for her sake. And you will to. Just take one day at a time. One footstep at a time. And remember to cry as much as you want. It's therapeutic Gobekli. The good memories always come back and they are the strength that will get you through. 

Geoff

Hi, i and am sure others completely identify, I try to remember my husband before his illness but can’t, I know he was there in situations/holidays etc but he’s just a shape, it will come back i’m told and a couple of times I have been able to visualise him as he was.

Take care, 

Hi,  I can relate to this 100% My Maureen left me 10 weeks ago , I m exhausted from crying and being angry.  I worry as the only images in my mind are of the last few weeks we had together and these are not the ones I want. I sit and look at her chair and I can not see her in my mind there is no image and that scares me. I have 100’s of photos but can not bear to look at them, if I do accidentally see one on my phone it just releases floods of tears even though they are all of happier times.  Loneliness and sadness combined is an awful mixture.   I use to be scared of death but rather morbidly I m actually looking forward to it as life is so painful.  I’m sorry if I’ve caused any offence by that comment, but that’s how I feel. 
Jon

Thanks Geoff. I think you have articulated my situation very accurately because I’m guessing you’ve been there yourself. I’m very grateful for your feedback.

Thank you Chelsea. Even looking at photos of her before the illness leaves me feeling that I don’t remember her like that.

It’s  going to take time but I’m determined to get there.

Thanks Jon. I have lots of reminders of Carole in the house and try to avert my eyes on some occasions because it’s too raw at present. I’ve recently had some thought about whether I want to carry on myself particularly whilst I’ve been suffering from chronic fatigue, however, my wife was a fighter and never gave up and I know she want the same for me.

I hope things get better for you.

Dear Gobekli,

I am so very sorry I didn't get a chance to respond to you sooner. I am not as much on the forum as I used to be and the last couple of weeks have just been crazy busy. However, today I wanted to write to you and say, firstly, how sorry I am for your loss. And, yes, it is absolutely understandable that you are exhausted most of the time, grief does that to us, but also the fac that you were, like you say yourself, totally devoted to her and had to do everything. And, yes, I can totally relate to what you are saying about not being able to have any memories of the good times right now, it's going to come back, but it will take a little time, until you are strong enough to think of the good times and when the trauma of these past couple of months has been somewhat processed. I hope you have support around you, apart from this forum which is of course always here for you.

Love, Mel

Thank you for your kind words, Mel.

I have this too can't remember much about our life before this,so aswell as grieving we have post traumatic stress disorder we are really not well are we,but we are supposed to function,carry on there should be more after care for us its a big deal this is.