A difficult day

" nobody to do nothing with" - couldn't have put it better, finally come home from work after visiting the supermarket - don't necessarily need anything, just don't want to come home to an empty house.

We were happily a very traditional couple, pink jobs and blue jobs, we were forced from the outset to split into provider/home maker roles (before nurseries were common) and to be honest it really suited us.  Yes it meant that we were always short of cash - as apposed to being poor, we had lots of love and had many adventures.

It's the pink jobs that really stump me.  I am an Engineer, qualified mechanically, electrically and write software for a living, so fixing "stuff" is second nature.  I have lost count of the number of plants that have committed suicide in the past few weeks, like an idiot I haven't watered or have over-watered them, but didn't take pictures and if I had were do I get them from? Laundry !!! ruined 4 shirts and a pair of trousers the first time I tried, ruined a few more since, laundry takes a lot longer if you have to go to the Trafford Center every time to replace the ruined stuff. How do you get stains out of carpet/clothes/furniture - apparently theMilton I found under the sink is not a good option.  Have missed a couple of family birthdays - how was I supposed to know that they were on the calendar? Probably looks like a sketch from the two Ronnies to Gill looking down. 

Sitting in the back garden with a beer around the fire pit on your own talking to a picture definitely is overrated. Used to BBQ at least three times a week and once a week in the winter - haven't done it now for many weeks, then again spit roasting the Christmas Turkey a couple of years ago wasn't the best idea.

Sorry for the rambling

Andy

Oh Andy, your post has really touched me, especially the pink and blue jobs. Chris and I were married for 44 years before I lost him last October. We’d always worked as a team and most definitely had his jobs and mine….we didn’t divide them traditionally but we certainly had our own things to do round the house! The houseplants are all, doing okay (pink job) but the fish in the tropical aquarium are faring less well despite my obviously pathetic attempts to care for them (blue job/hobby) I still haven’t looked under the bonnet in the new car…it goes so there must be an engine there. 
As for the coming home to an empty house….as I’ve said on here many times before, I hate it with a passion. Even 45 weeks on, I can’t imagine that I’ll ever get used to it. 
So no answers, just a thank you for reassuring me that I’m not alone in how I feel. Take care

Jane

xx

Hello Sarah, I recognise so much of what you say. I still cry most days but it’s more shedding tears than heart rending sobbing. And I’m starting to make tentative plans- I have a few of my closest friends coming here for afternoon tea next weekend. It’s something I did each summer and there will be a huge Chris shaped gap in our time but I hope he’ll be smiling down. Perhaps the robin will even put in an appearance.

As you say, the support from this group and the Zoom sessions has been so important.

Take care, sending hugs

Jane

xx

It’s 2 weeks today that Rob left me, I’ve had a good couple of days but today I can’t stop crying, I am so angry that he left me alone.

where did grief come from today?  No idea.

Maybe it was due to a good friend saying that she  and her husband were going away for a few days, just spur of the moment decision? Rob and I won’t ever be able to have that again.  

i feel so alone today 

xx

I am very sure that Rob didn't leave you by choice and I hope that he hasn't left you in reality, Hoping any praying that my Gill is with me sharing my days.

Work have just sprung a 5 day working visit to Norway on me, Gill would have been there like a shot, packing cases, getting nails done, couple of outfits in case we went to eat out - as if we wouldn't.  But no-one to tell, no-one to get exited, just another day, numb, robotic.

At least you guys (can I say that?) understand the huge hole that our partners filled that sits there in the quiet parts of the day.

What got me upset today - the squirrel, Gill used to feed them and one came looking.  One of the million little things that she did, that you don't realise until it doesn't get done.

I’m so sorry you are feeling like this, it’s just over 2 weeks since my partner died and it really hit me yesterday all because I saw a couple walking hand in hand. The pain was so intense. Sending hugs xx

Hi

Two weeks is such a short time and it’s no wonder you can’t stop crying. My heart goes out to you but you are never alone on this site.  I find  it really helps  me to post how I am  feeling and the responses I receive. 

Grief can  hit  when you least expect it and then overwhelm you with a feeling of hopelessness, loneliness and anger at finding yourself in a situation you never wanted or expected to be in.

Ian suddenly passed away 11 weeks ago yesterday and still the bad days can outnumber the good ones. I’m in Spain staying with my son and family and I can’t get the thought out of my mind that Ian should be here as well. Like you, I keep thinking about all the holidays we will never have.  We loved our holidays and days out  together.

I’m finding I don’t cry as much but internalise my feelings instead. Perhaps I’m too afraid to let go as I’m here with my three year old granddaughter and need to be positive when she mentions Ian.

Be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes. Some will be better than others and time will help but at the moment , for you, two weeks is still so recent and raw. 

Take care 

Julie x

Thank you and sending hugs back.

I really need one today 

I have nothing to say that can help anyone. it’s 5 weeks ago that I lost my beloved Maureen and it gets more painful by the day, I seem to cry more and feel more despair.  Everything you have all said is so true,  I thought I was the only one with such feelings and thoughts.  I can’t look at photos either and any thoughts of things we used to do and places we went send me into another crying frenzy.  Don’t have friends or family so the loneliness is awful.  Neighbour text me and asked if I’m getting over thing…..they really have no idea, but one day they too will have to face the despair.  
The future is not just dark, I can’t see a future. 
I miss the hugs, the touch, the kiss.  
Take care everyone x

It’s nearly 3 weeks since I lost my partner and I totally understand all what you are feeling too. I feel I have lost my future and don’t want the future that I now have to face alone. I miss holding Bernard’s hand so much. Sending love and hugs xxx