A difficult day

Hi Julie

So sad to hear how you are feeling - it is 20 weeks today since I lost my husband and this week has been  awfully hard somehow, I don't know why - like yourself my family and friends are not near - I think the loneliness is hard to bear - I had to have blood taken at Health Centre this week and was bubbling, felt so foolish - I have met a few people recently and I feel that they think I should be getting over things, I find this hard as sometimes it feels I'm getting worse - I don't like this time of year when Autumn is approaching so I don't think that helps - please take care and hope you will feel better. God Bless

Be careful what you wish for.  It's ten weeks today that my Princess passed away, 40 years together, gone in the blink of an eye.  Family live close by, and barely a day goes by without me being invited to tea or coming home to find one of them in the living room.

The truth, I cry on the way to work, I cry on the way home, I want to be able to cry in peace at home and not put on a "brave" face all evening.  Yes I also thought about selling our home, even went into the estate agents to inquire.  But Gill put her heart and soul into turning what was a shell of a house into a home that she was proud of, it would be like slapping her in the face to sell.  Yes it's getting harder week by week, but Gill fought cancer for over two years - far longer than any estimate, I can't give up after seeing what she went through just to gain the extra months.

Julie. It's so hard that realisation that the person  who'd be there for you is gone. 

Its so tough coping alone.

hello Julie, i know what you mean about not having family and close friends near, we sold our house in April as Rob and I intended to move to Spain.  We planned to travel there in July to find our new home.  In May he was diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer and we therefore rented a property whilst he had chemo.  He only had 1 session as he developed jaundice and after another scan the cancers had massively grown and he was given weeks to live.  He died a horrible death a week ago at home.

i have to decide what next, where do I want to live.  I don’t have a big family and my friends live in all different directions.  My daughter doesn’t drive so my new home needs to be easily commutable to her (i hate driving).

lots of decisions to make.  i’m not strong enough at the moment to do it.  i promised Rob i would buy a holiday hone in Spain but the thought of being there on my own for a good few months of the year is frightening.  Yes friends and my daughter will come for a week or 2 but …..,

I  am living in a small village and don’t know anybody, there’s not much going on here, hence one of the reasons we chose to rent here instead of a town. 

his hospital bed is still here and they say it can be at least 2 weeks before they take.

I look at photos of us in the past and I remember where it was and who was with us but I can’t visualise Rob being there.  People have told me that in time that will go and I’ll be able to see him in my memories, I do hope so.

Sorry to ramble but it’s easier to put my fees in writing then answer when somebody says ‘how are you’.

Glenis 

Hi Glenis

I’m so sorry to hear about Rob. Your loss is so recent and my heart goes out to you. 
When Ian died I was probably in shock for the first 6 weeks and have only recently started reaching out to friends.

It is such early days for you that I would take one day at a time. Don’t rush to make any major decisions  and remember that Rob would just want you to be happy. The overwhelming advice from others on this site is to wait for at least 6 to 12 months. 

I hope they take the hospital bed away soon as two weeks does seem such a long time. I only had to wait a few days so hopefully you will too.

There is no need to apologise for ‘rambling’ on and if writing down your feelings help, then carry on. It has certainly helped me since Ian passed away as I realised  that I was not alone with my grief. Everyone’ s grief is different but kind words and thoughts on this site have been invaluable to me.

I still find it hard to look at pictures of Ian without dissolving into tears as it is still too raw and painful and my memories are often of his last days. I hope that eventually all my memories will be happy ones but that will take time I suppose.

Take care of yourself 

Julie x

I’m so sorry you feel so lone, I too have no one since I lost my partner 12 days ago. Whenever I phone a helpline everyone asks do you have someone with you or do you have support and each time I say know it rips me apart as I feel so alone. I don’t have anything to say to help but I a, here if you need me. Xxx

My husband died very suddenly 12 months ago, i came to live with my son who is very kind and thoughtful, but I miss my husband so much.

because he works I am alone most of the day, but I would not want him to stay in with me. Its the loneliness isnt it that hurts, no one to have a laugh with, no one to cuddle when you feel down, I hope you  soon feel better, it never goes away, they are always in our thougths. Keep strong , think of all the good times you had together. take care of yourself ....Thelma Lloyd

It’s been 10 weeks since Ian died and I’ve come to realise that unless you have lost a spouse or partner, you can have no idea of how utterly devastating grief can be. I know I didn’t. 
I still can’t come to terms with what has happened and  sadly, loneliness and fear of the future are often cited in posts on this site.

Ian and I never really discussed or even thought about a future without each other and so it is so hard to just carry on on my own.

Julie

agreed Julie, I was with friends yesterday and I said the same thing, I don’t really have many single friends and don’t want to be the ‘third wheel’.  

Rob was so much more practical than me when it comes to the home, I’ll know i’ll have to cope if things go wrong with the home or car but we didn’t prepare ourselves for it.  There was no time between being told he had terminal cancer and dying.  We only had a few days together where he was my Rob, the rest of the time he was away with the fairies due to the medication he was on and was so confused. 

My friends sister ( who is divorced for a good few years) said something that’s so true - that it’s sad she has nobody to do nothing with. 

you are right, nobody can understand grief for losing your partner unless they have gone through it.  I can’t offer you words of wisdom as it’s still too raw BUT we will all get through this, it will take time and there must be a rainbow at the end for us all. 

Glenis

Hi

I really don't have any answers but agree with everything that has been said....unless you have lost your partner you have no idea how hard life is.

My husband died 8 months ago  just 2 weeks after being diagnosed...the shock was massive.

My whole life has been turned upside down and I have lost my soul mate.

All I can say is take everything slowly, at your own pace and be kind to yourself, don't expect too much too soon.

When I look back to those early days, weeks, months I realise that I am in abetter place now.

I suppose the grief isn't as raw as it was and I am starting to pick up the pieces of my shattered life.

I miss John and always will; he is on my mind from the moment I wake until I fall asleep at night. But I don't cry as much as I did and I can look a little bit further ahead than today.

I really couldn't have got as far as I have without the support of this group, from people who understand. Keep posting whenever you need to, it really helped me through some very dark times when I thought I couldn't go on.

Take care 

Sarah xx