I just want him back. How long does this desperate wanting go on?

Thank you NannaFizz for your kind words and understanding 

Sending hugs xx

Hi Jane, I’m thinking about you today. It is still your anniversary with beautiful memories of a wonderful day.  Please try to celebrate it ️‍x 

Dear Kenickiesmum,  I am sending you all my love. My heart goes out to you. The pain and the loss and the grief.  You will get through today because there is no alternative, but I know how hard it can be. I had a special birthday after my beloved  went, which we had talked about before he became ill. I dreaded it, but, it just had to be got through. At least you know that we are all with you, here on the chat. And tomorrow will come...I send you all my love again.  Sorry that this is a day late really, but I didn't look at my emails for a while, I gave myself a break...Lots of hugs and support,  Happy5

Thank you Happy5, you’re so right. It’s been hard but I’ve almost got through it. And knowing that you’re out there and understand is such a support. 
Sending hugs back to you too

Jane

xx

Sending you a big hug Happy5 xxx

Hi,

all I can say 2 years on in my own experience the time I feel desperately wanting Jerry back has shrunk but that raw emotion is still as strong just occupying less of my day, allowing happiness to return. I’m in tears replying to and reading these messages so wanting to give you all hugs and say you’ve got this. X 

Dear Puddle fish, thank you so much for what you say. It does help. Very much, in fact, re-reading what yo have written...What would I do without people like you? I have to have builders here tomorrow, for a leaking pipe in a wall, and that is hard without my husband, who would have taken charge...I bought a t-shirt the other day with the words 'just go on'  in large letters all over it. I hung it up in our sitting-room on a hangar. It is bright red, and it really helps. But your post helps  so much !.  xxx 

Hello, I lost my Wife only 3 weeks ago and the pain is sometimes unbearable, other times I feel I am managing, bit I am not really, it’s just a facade. I feel empty, hollow, like my spark has extinguished. Like you I so desperately want my partner back. I have known her since 1972, my soul mate and very best friend, we married in 1972, divorced in 1983, both re married and again divorced  and we met up again in 2005 and remarried in 2008, I a, so blessed that we had another wonderful 13 years together. The last few months were very difficult for her, having lost most of her mobility, I was her 24/7 carer, which I did so willingly out of my deep love for her. She accepted her lack of mobility so well, always a please or thank you, with her wonderful special smile.
it’s early days for me, on a rollercoaster of emotions, family very supportive, which is a great help, would be in an absolute mess without that.

One person told me it’s the same as getting divorced, which is absolute nonsense. There is no comparison, on the simplest level, the divorced partner is still around to talk to etc. I have previousl lost both my parents and parents in law, although it hurt and was painful, there can be nothing like the pain of losing a lifetime partner. I really do feel for anyone in this situation. And Happy5 you are certainly not alone and I asked a friend who lost his Wife 3 years ago and he said the pain hasn’t changed, we had a long conversation about our emotions and I found that what I am feeling i exactly he same as he is feeling……just need time to grieve properly, I sometimes talk to my Wife, may sound odd to anyone who has t experienced such a loss, but it gives me a sort of comfort 

One thing I won’t and can’t do is remove any thing personal of hers, I cleared out her medications, as they were simply drugs, but the medicine chart I made for her in the cupboard will stay there until such time as I a, ready, which may be never, her clothes are still hanging on the door, family said don’t change anything if it causes pain or discomfort, I agree with them. I have to decorate our bedroom ( starting next week I hope ) as, last month, she made me promise that I would still decorate it if she died. I said yes of course, not believing for one minute that would happen so soon. If I do get to the stage where I am comfortable tidying up some of her pieces, they will go in a box in the loft, cannot bear to throw anything of hers out.

Morning Arthurd 

I can relate to much of what you have said.  I lost my husband just over four months ago.  I have kept all his toiletries in the bathroom and clothes in the wardrobe.  It feels like he’s still with me in a way.  Like you I was his carer and one of the last things I got to do for him was make him his hot water bottle to try and make him more comfortable-now it stays on his side of the bed as I can’t bear to move it.  Before he passed we talked about knocking two bedrooms into one and I’m now going to look into getting that done as I know he’d want me to.  Life will never be the same but I feel I owe it to him to move forward.  Remember you are not alone - take care 

Good morning Arthurd

Three weeks is such a short time since your wife died that you are probably still in shock. Only until you have experienced the loss of a partner can you know what it is like and how difficult it is to keep going.

My husband , Ian, died 8 weeks ago this morning after only a seven week battle with cancer.  In fact we were trying to bring him home from hospital when he died.

His diagnosis and death came completely out of nowhere and I was in shock for the first 6 weeks after his death.I felt numb and on the surface appeared calm. It is only now that what has happened is becoming a reality. I still find it so hard to accept what has happened but when reality strikes,I just feel an overwhelming sense of grief and hopelessness.

I have left everything of Ian’s as it was. The only items I have cleared away are his toiletries etc but all his clothes and possessions are just as he left them. 

My daughter and sister have suggested grief counselling but I am still unsure. The future fills me with dread as I can’t imagine one without Ian. 

You talk to your wife and I send Ian daily messages on WhatsApp. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.

Take care of yourself and remember, everyone in this site is here to support you.

Julie