I just want him back. How long does this desperate wanting go on?

Hello Rach15104. So sorry for your loss. I lost my husband almost 41 weeks ago. Like you I have photos of Chris around me- I find it very comforting. But your comment about the cushion is what made me smile to myself- a dear friend had a cushion made for me with a photo of Chris and I in the early days, back in 1974, which I have in the bed and I cuddle every night. Yes, I often cry into it, but it is comforting too. 
Sending hugs

Jane

xx

Jane - I’ll confess I have two cushions one upstairs and one for the sofa.  My husband would love all the attention for sure !  He died at home so I have a bit of a shrine thing going - it really helps me.  But the cushions are the most comfort.  Glad I made you smile  

Hug back at you 

Rachel Xx 

Like every one here I have lost someone who was so very special to me and my daughter. I lost my wife 5 months ago & I miss her terribly every day. So many reminders around me of what we had together, this has broken me for now and I will never forget her. Take care and I hope you manage to work through your grief, it’s so debilitating and almost impossible to process. 

I never thought of a cushion. I like the thought of it. I'll try it...but no picture, I can't bear to see him, it hurts too much, too much. I see him all the time in my mind, in so many times of our life together, and situations, and  I can't bear real phtotos. I am sure that I will...but that time hasn't come yet.. Hillside, you use the word 'debilitating'. I can't understand why I feel so lacking in energy. Every task seems to take forever. I can't find the energy...food does not help, nothing seems to help. And even though time has gone by, my brain, my mind, is in two pieces, one which knows exactly what happened, and I can see the last months so clearly, he was at home all the time, and the other asks what has happened, it can't be true, it just can't be true, he is going to be here with me, it can't be true.... Love to you all, Happy5.

Hello Happy5. I have my cushion now but when I can face opening his wardrobe, I intend to have a memory bear made. I do collect bears, so it’s not that odd for me. I shall have two made- one for me and another for my new baby granddaughter who will never meet Chris, but will know what a wonderful person he was and how much he would have loved her. I haven’t met her yet as our younger son lives in America. Perhaps you could have a cushion made from a favourite jumper? 
Take care, sending hugs

Jane

xx

Dear Kenickiesmum, Thank you so much. What a lovely idea. It's odd, but the one thing I can do is wear his sweaters and cardigans. I hug them to me.There is one with a lot of moth-holes in it. I was going to mend it for him, but I never got round to it. I could use bits of that one. It could help. Thank you! Love, H.5

Hello Happy5, the person I’m going to get to make my memory bears also does cushion, blankets too. I’m sure if you Google memory bears you’ll be able to find someone local to you. Of course, you might be skilled enough to do it yourself, in which case, I apologise for assuming you’re at the same skill level as me!

Hugs

Jane

xx

Hi June,

What you wrote is so much how I feel too:

"He will always be my husband and even  the years before us were just us waiting for each  other.

Aren't we so lucky to have known such love in our lives?

Hi Smiley1234,

You and I seem to be of a similar time line. For me it is close to three and a half years. My husband died in May of 2018. There is not one day that I don't think of him, I miss him most days, sometimes more and sometimes less, sometimes the pain is bearable and sometimes it feels unbearable, but what I feel I have learned over time is to live with the loss knowing that I am so fortunate to have experienced such wonderful love. I will always be grateful for that. And I think that it is because of how deeply I have always loved Paul that the pain of loss is what it is: as I say, sometimes more, sometimes less, but always there. I know I wouldn't be who I am today if I had not had nine wonderful years with my soul mate. I think Paul would love me to see it like that too.

Lots of love

Mel

Hi Smiley1234,

I think it is so good that you have reached out to family and GP to tell them that you are not coping, or not coping as well as they thought you may cope. I feel that, once we can say it out loud, we are also in a way making it more real for ourselves too. How did they react, if you don't mind me asking?

Lots of love

Mel