I miss my husband and very lonely

Hi Mope. It’s nearly 18 months since my husband died. I don’t talk about my feelings to anyone. Just post on here. Sometimes I am even sober when I post.  I haven’t exhausted friends or family simply because I don’t say anything. I did everything for my husband just like you. Maybe I shut everyone out. Maybe everyone was used to me just getting on with things. My heart breaks everyday waking up without him. I don’t know how to explain it but it seems like someone has taken all my grief pain loss and hurt and rolled it into a lump of granite and dumped it into my soul. But I do get up every morning because my two labs jump on me in my bed at 6.30. I pull on any old thing and shuffle out into the cold air to the park for an hour. I don’t know the answer to our sorrows. I don’t have any words of advice. I just know that the birdsong this morning was wonderful. I wish you strength and peace x

Good descriptions there owl58. I hear all that.

Sending strength back to you xx 

Hi thank you for your reply, I feel exactly the same, each morning getting out of bed and getting dressed is such an effort,  I don't no why I bother some days, no one comes people carry on with there life, they expect me to do same, I don't talk to my family about it, I just try to carry on, my heart can't be fixed, sending you hug xx

Don’t try to fix your heart. Being an observer standing watching everyone living and enjoying living is where we are. Sometimes I feel sorry for them as they may well one day be here. I watch couples enjoying each other’s company and I want to say hold onto this moment capture and keep it because if the wind changes you too will be in my shoes. Not my louboutin or Jimmy Choo’s of course (ha) I wish  The only thing you can do is to put one foot in front of the other.  And note to myself- get some IT training- paragraphs are a mess.  Keep on keeping on Mope x

Thank you it's nice to feel someone listening and understanding,  I am new to this page haven't done anything like this before but the kind reply people give are really comforting,  xx

Thanks, MP, I think I will do something about it soon.

You are all a big help, and I am coming round to the idea that I am not the only person in the world to have loved and lost, though of course everyone's grief is a personal thing.  

xx

Hi Sarah, sorry you found them unelpful, too - my experience was that while there was a chance of extending his life, they were there, but not from the minute he reacted badly to immunotherapy. It felt like he was being punished. 

I don't think it's most people's experience, though, to be fair. And they have this site, which is a lifeline.

Take care - Sue xx

Dear Owl, yes you are wise x

The heart cannot be fixed, 

Somehow, though, by reading all the kind words and great understanding I come across here, mine has grown somehow.

There's hope in there somewhere, too.

Strange days indeed, Momma xx

Sue