I miss my husband and very lonely

Hi Jane,  thank you just to no there's someone to talk with who understands the hurt we are going through will help me, I don't have anyone and feel so lost, I will keep posting,  take care, sending hug to all xx 

Hi there,

Just been reading your profile. My lovely husband Gary died from gullet cancer as well on Christmas Day 2020. Talk about sticking the boot in...

It’s a particularly horrible cancer and we had a 15 month battle with it - with some wins - but it ultimately claimed him once it had spread to his spine. Gary was the strongest, fittest, friendliest and most capable man you could ever meet but cancer took all that from him and it was agony to watch every day. He was 51 when he died. No age. 

Life is very different now and I’m learning to live and cope with his loss. It’s hard. Some days are better than others. Talking to people, keeping busy and trying to stay positive are key to helping me carry on. This site is fabulous for being able to communicate with like-minded souls so use it as much as you like. 

You’re not on your own,

Peigi xx 

Hi Mope, welcome.

I am not sure any of us cope very well, but we do all cope xx You will find this group a good one - I drop in and out and it helps me to get things off my chest and stop talking to myself. I lost my husband last April (anniversary coming up on !st) and will never, ever cope well with that loss.

None of my friends or family really understand as well as the kind and genuine people on this website. We truly do understand. For me, at the moment, the imposed isolation of Covid has been very helpful indeed. I live alone now, and my children are both in other areas of Scotland. Neighbours have been great, friends have been great, but I have not had to deal with them much. When this lockdown ends, maybe I will still isolate myself! 

We will never get fed up of you, we know what it's like - the support here is great, and you can make and take of it what you want, no judgements.

Now I must get outside and get on with the day - gardening, washing, DIY, cleaning - all the things we used to share, I now have to take care of on my own, and then what? Another long night ahead. xx

Love and hugs - Sue

Hi Mope

I couldn’t agree more with Jane & Peigi, you are not alone on this site. We all have our various journeys but our pain & loss is the same. Huge.

I am lay on my sofa today very tired after seeing a close friend last night for the first time since Dave got his diagnosis on Jan 6th. Due to her bad immune system she’s had to shield. It was great to see her, hug her but hard to go thru it all again. She’s a close dear friend so I needed to share but I want and can’t do that with everyone, going back thru it all, it’s too painful. There were bits I even didn’t say because they hurt so much I’ve told myself I’ll only relive those again in therapy and only doing that in the hope it helps. 

Despite lockdown and me not working just now so all days are the same, there is still a difference at the weekends and it’s the first Saturday I’m not over at my sisters but at home alone. That’s only because I had my friend here over night, she’s gone now but I’m so tired from not sleeping I feel I can get thru this Saturday at home alone by dozing hopefully most of the day.

Just the fact I can click into this site, not always even writing anything, just means I’m definitely not alone. 
xx

Hi xx Where do you all go to for this therapy? I have had nothing, but thought I didn't need it. 

Having lain in bed until nearly midday this lovely Saturday, getting up to neighbours having family round in seemingly every garden in my locality, I have resorted to playing Muse at top volume and being a complete pain in the a**se. Maybe I do need therapy!

Just had a letter from NHS scheduling a cardio echo on 1st April - the first anniversary of Andy's death. 

I'll go - but obviously I know it's broken! xx

Hi Sue 

I was told about various bereavement counselling places via our MacMillan nurse. For me it’s a place called Beechwood but if you call MacMillan helpline they will give you places you can get in touch with.

I was referred by MacMillan to Beechwood and they called me to do an assessment. I was told they usually recommend starting bereavement counselling around 6/8 weeks after the passing as before then too much going on etc.

However when they called to go through my assessment I got half way thru and was told ‘you need it now!’ ... so I’m on a wait list to hopefully get started asap. 
Not everyone will want or need therapy but I had some years ago after my brother-in-law passed (offered thru my work at the time) and it helped.

I have no idea if on this situation where I feel so totally broken whether it will help or not but I’m willing to try...

Now you crank that music and be as annoying as you like!!! 

Can’t believe that appointment date! ‍♀️

xx

Hi there,

I am so sorry for your loss.

I am glad you have found yourself in this group because here we do understand and are always ready to listen.

Best wishes,

Mel

Hi, My xx

To be honest, McMillan basically washed their hands of us at the beginning of Covid, they didn't know what was wrong with Andy and said it was not the immunotherapy, or the cancer (!! - this had apparently improved slightly) and referred him to General Medicine. He was hospitalised once began to become paralysed.

Once they found he could not attend his second immunotherapy appointment, they didn't contact us at all.

When I got him home, no one could do home visits except for the District Nurse. From then on it was just me and various hospital wards, Contact with my GP was phone calls only (me phoning them) and for four days, local carers from the council who came in to wash him. 

i guess I could have made phone calls to various bereavement counselling services off my own bat, but you know what you're like when you've lost the only person in the world who understood you enough to make you do it. And there was so much else to do, alone and with the restrictions. 

Now I seem to have missed the boat, but heyho, what's new ?

Sue xx

P.S. The music -  I don't think it particularly annoys people, I'm just wishing it did, because today I am mostly being bitter and twisted! 

Oh Sue I’m sorry to hear you had a bad experience with MacMillan. 

However, you have not missed the boat at all. There can’t be a time limit on when you need bereavement counselling. 

Yes you can look up places yourself I’m sure but there is nothing to stop you calling MacMillan helpline and telling them you need help now! 

You can be bitter and twisted if you like, that’s your right. 
I do hope you seek some counselling though you are so entitled to it. Might help, might not but worth a shot...

xx

Hi

Macmillan were not helpful at all to me when my husband had cancer, I think once they knew he didn't have long to live (only 2 weeks from being diagnosed til I lost him) they didnt want to know.

I was offered counselling by Marie Curie, they were so kind. They rang me twice to check I was ok.  I was fortunate to have counselling from the hospice which looked after my husband, even though he was only with them for a matter of hours.

I have found it has helped me I think, it is good for me to talk to somebody who doesn't know me. So I would say try it, it might help... xx