Being lonely

Oh Jane, yes, the fog! That impossible feeling of being completely numb and yet in the most profound pain at the same time. And just exhausted, utterly exhausted. And yet we somehow go back to work, and life and manage to make it through each day.

How do we do it? Where does that resilience come from? X

Hi All

I wondered where you had all gone , I can’t keep up with the change of threads , so pleased I found you all again. Sometimes I think I’m coping even to well at times , then a ten ton truck comes and hits me sideways   Then I realise I’m masking it with work and cleaning and cleaning that has become an OCD part of life ... this all took its toll Tuesday... I was back on my feet Wednesday because we have to be with an onwards and upwards attitude. Like you all lockdown has mixed blessings I have been so pleased that I can choose who I wish to be social with outside family, which if I’m honest has been many I have even got away with just sending emoji responses.I really think I have lost the art of socialisation. It’s just so easy with you guys and your all I need right now! 
Love and hugs

Leigh xx

I know exactly what you mean. I lost my Anne  who was my soul mate,we did everything together and our walks through the village wre the highlight of our day. When she passed away I felt cheated  I no longer went for walks but I holed up in my house.After six months I took ill and without my next door neighbours I would never have survived. I have no family close enough to be in my bubble so my only contact with them is via video chats, not quite the same thing  is it. I found out what it is to be lonely and 18 months on I still miss the close contact ,the silly jokes ,the feeling of being part of a solid partnership.  online we tend to be very cheerful and full of life but inside we feel a terrlble loneless that will never go away

Mkwas, that is exactly it. It is the loss of a partnership and the only person in the world to “have your back”. That resonates with me totally. I have only a sister who is quite disabled (and waiting for major surgery). But it is all much harder in lockdown and isolated. I so miss the shared jokes, even the shared complaints ..lol! 

I have started an online course but concentration is difficult. But I know that is how my hubby would have dealt with things if the roles were reversed. And I am so glad I did not leave him on his own. I will beat this but it is SO hard. But the only way I can see is to keep busy. 

xx

Hi Leigh, MKwas

it is very lonely. Lots of discussions on here about alone or lonely. For the most part we’re not alone as we have family, friends, neighbours, professionals to call on IF we so wish. But the point is even with them we are lonely because the one person that truly got us that had a relationship with us nobody else has and could never really understand (just always between that couple) has gone!! 

I think we are cheerful on here when we can be, to try to show that it’s possible, even if only for a short time. But I think the beauty of on here is NOBODY is ever going to judge us for expressing how sad we feel, for however long that is! 
I get fed up repeating myself on messages to friends and family about how I’m doing. It’s too hard and I feel I’m making them sad so I don’t always reply, or don’t say too much. Yet on here I can say how I’m broken and every day is a struggle and nobody judges me or feels sadder be because we all already ARE sad. 
Sounds awful in one sense but it’s true. 

Much strength to us all as always. Xx 

️. Exactly. We can be in a crowd (not these days) of friends so we are not alone. But even then we are lonely, missing that ONE person. Xx

100%

I was thinking about friends and family. I don’t really say how I am feeling when they ask. I just say “good days and bad day” and leave it at that. They will not understand if I really say and I don’t want to deter them from chatting to me. Only people here will truly understand anyway. Xx

Yes that’s right. 
My sister sadly gets it. She lost her husband 17 years ago to pancreatic cancer. 
Everyone else just can’t relate in the deep way we need them too. Hence being on here is good. 

I feel bad about my poor mum & dad in their mid 70’s having to watch both daughters go through this horrendous pain. My sisters husband, Graeme and mine, David were two of the nicest most decent men you could ever hope to meet. 
xx 

That’s so true, family seems so far away and they really don’t understand how I feel. My friends here, who have been with me through this past 10 months, are the ones who really know how I feel.  How can you cry down the phone when it won’t help anyone! You do discover a whole new family when you’re grieving.