Getting though big dates

There is alot of dates on the calender that I was and still am dreading christmas birthdays ect 

Yesterday was our anniversary it would've been 18year's ,i have to say even though there was alot of tears it was a nice day i turned off my phone spent longer out walking the dog then spent the rest of the day listening to his records and looking though photos 

I am proud of myself that I have got through 3 big days so far, the day he went to be cremated  (no funeral he didn't want a big fuss not that you can with covid ) ,the first Christmas without him and now our anerversary 

Only my birthday his birthday and the anerversary of his passing which is on the 4th of November so there will be lots of fireworks 

I have started putting messages on my calender to let me know that I can get through all of these tough day's and can now remember him my own way making it a special day to focus on the good times we had not the bad 

  • Hi Kate

    You can do it,  we do things in our own way.

    When it was our first Anniversary i just got two cards out the draw, the last one he gave me  and  the one i gave him it was a Tuesday and he passed the following Tuesday. On our Anniversary he was asleep nearly all day and  he did wake for a short while and said i have been to heaven but they would not let me in.

    I will always remember that because i do not think   our Anniversary Day would ever be the same, we had wonderful years together priceless, so remember the good times, i know we still have our down days, but now the good out way the bad.

    Take Care Ellie x

    Ellie

  • Hello Kate 41

    You are right to feel proud of yourself. In the 16 weeks since I lost my husband of 44 years, I have struggled through the anniversary of our engagement, his funeral and Christmas/New year. The next three weeks sees my birthday, our eldest son’s 40th and two days later, his birthday. I’m not sure how I’ll be marking them but I know that our son will be here with me- he’s in a bubble with me. I think that looking at photos is a good idea- I get lots of comfort from the many photos, even if I shed tears. 
    Well done and take care

    xx

  • Hello.  I guess I am lucky to have reached my age without having sad dates on the calendar too. My husband passed away a year ago so I have now managed all the dates.  His death, Valentines day, his birthday (would have been 52), our anniversary (would have been 28 years), my birthday.  I found that the days passed better than I had expected.  Friends remembered some of the days too and yes they became days to remember the good times.  I wish you strength. Now that I am facing them all again for year 2 I realised they will always be there so I just need to accept that my calendar now has sad days on as well as happy ones. xx

  • Tomorrow, 12Feb, will be my first wedding anniversary without my husband Sleepy Saturday 13 Feb will be my first birthday without him and 14 Feb my first Valentines day without him  in over 21 years.  All the dates between them and 5 April when he died are peppered with appointments for 1 more chemo then being told that there was nothing more could be done for him to blood transfusions, DNAR's and stays in hospital.  

    We can't make time stand still even though we wish we could, we just have to hold our heads up and be proud of ourselves and know we did our best and we can and have got through some of the worst days we ever thought possible Couplekiss

    xx

    Tomorrow is another day
  • Gosh so tough to have all those significant dates so close together.  As you say you have been through the toughest of days so you will get through the next few days.  I always reflect on the fact no matter what days come and days go we just have to go with the flow.  Keep your head held high xx

  • Oh BootsyD, what a tough time you’ve got with all those dates so close. Take care, take each day or hour as it comes and be kind to yourself.

    Sending hugs

    xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Dear all.  It’s exactly 1 year this Saturday my gorgeous wife passed away.  My boss has given me the day off compassionate leave, my work have been so good to me.   Like others I find the big dates a struggle, Saturday for me the biggest of them all.   Take care everyone.  Peter x

  • Hello Peter,  Saturday will be your last of the firsts - so to speak- and I suspect you will start counting all over again, like a 'new year' has begun. I haven't been there yet myself but feel for you and send you lots of strength and good vibes x 

    Tomorrow is another day
  • Dear Jebel

    Thinking of you, especially on Saturday. Take care

    x

  • Hi all, I’m only 9 weeks into this process, so I await a lot of dates. Had the first Christmas, my birthday and soon Valentines without him. There will be so many ‘dates’ ahead. But I cannot change what has happened, I couldn’t control my lovely hubby dying and I can’t control the days still ticking by without him in my life. All I can do is accept that each new day will come and I have to live in it. So I’m trying to change myself mindset and how I deal with the loss. Not an easy thing to do and I’m sure I will still have lots of tears. But as my husband no longer gets to enjoy what this beautiful planet has to offer, then I have to make damn sure that I do, for me and for him. I shall face each day and try my best to be positive, and Clive will come along for the ride in my heart. 
    sending virtual hugs to you all xx