Can't sleep

Hi all of you 

remember take one day at time their is no rush eat a little bit or bienge eat but try to eat 

It’s still raw for you all 

snuggle up with pillows at nite to try to sleep or piece of clothing 

have a good cry it helps you are in the right place hear  vent your anger how you feel some one on here will listen we have all been there 

it’s a year tomorrow since my wife passed it’s been hard the loneliness and the feeling guilty 

take care 

Martin x

Hello all. It's now almost 11 weeks since I lost my husband. I'm still struggling to face more than an hour at a time. Most days I feel that being up, showered, dressed and eating something at regular intervals is as good as it gets. Tears are still being she'd in copious amounts. I've been lucky to have my wonderful sons and my amazing daughter in law here over Christmas and New Year but on Tuesday, son 2 and his wife go back to the States and son 1 goes back to work on Monday- so that's when the long lonely journey really begins for me. Blooming Covid doesn't help any of us does it? I've some wonderful friends who are keeping me sane but what I'd give for a hug from them.

Sorry, I've had another ramble. But thank you for being there. X

Hey there Kenickiesmum . You are spot on. Getting up and showering, and eating a bit .  WELL DONE. We know, I know, that’s hard. I’m afraid you are right about the next stage...once the house is full of emptiness , that’s horrible. Like others here, I’m further through the initial hugely emotional  stages than you, and cried buckets, as much as I needed to, but I had company till September. So now, like so many of us here, facing flatness, emptiness, although mostly managing not to let myself feel guilty. I have managed the first 10 months by trying to keep busy. I aimed to do no more then one “yucky” thing a day, especially early on...so, apply for probate, talk to undertaker, that sort of thing. But I also did nice things too, ran a Macmillan coffee day ( that was a seriously good decision) did walks, learnt to crochet ( why ? I don’t know !...) And that has helped, it really did. I also looked out for friends I could go on a walk with, so have found new and old allies that way. Although it’s harder now we are back in heavy lockdowns, and bad weather. After 11 weeks, I was still, very much, in pieces, and under pressure from Mark’s thoughtless relations, so don’t beat yourself up. Grief is the B side of Love xxx

Thank you. 

I can only agree with the 'yucky' jobs. In the early days I had a long list of people to contact and spent ages on the phone or online getting in touch with them- repeating the same grim and heartbreaking information over and over again. After a couple of mornings of doing this, I had a complete meltdown so decided that I too would limit myself to one a day. It certainly helped me wade through the official stuff, which at times seemed endless. 

Thanks again xx

I still have a lot of that to do. Funeral almost organised but I’ve not even been able to register death after more than 3 weeks due to my husband having a post mortem. So that will all probably start next week. And then the funeral Friday so I’m not looking forward to next week at all...

Hello Bramblejoo

Someone very close to me said that I should think of the funeral as doing something special for someone whom I'd loved for many years. While I felt as if my heart was in pieces, I tried to hold on to this thought and think of what an amazing husband and father I was celebrating. I know it's not something we ever wanted to have to do and my shattered heart goes out to you.

Xx

Hi Martin. Take care of yourself. New year plus anniversary, that’s not easy. I hope you stop yourself from feeling guilty. Best wishes. 

Hi Martin

Nice to hear from you.

Guilt is a wasted emotion but we all do it. I still feel guilty at times and guess I always will.

Hope Christmas wasn't so bad. I found it very long and drawn out!  

Xxx

Hello Yvie and all of us in this wretched position and the club that none of us ever wished to belong to. 

I lost my beautiful husband Gary on Xmas Day - the irony, Gary loved Xmas and was so looking forward to it - and the pain is all-consuming. Even though we knew his condition was terminal and we had 15 months together after finding out, it still hurts like hell because he did so well initially with chemo, etc. Once the cancer took hold however it was relentless and the end was speedy and brutal. 

We were together for only 16 years but packed such a lot into that. Like you we never had children and lived for each other. He was my life and I am feeling totally bereft and as if my identity has been taken from me too. We had planned a big wedding at the end of March 2021 but the rapid progression of Gary’s illness meant that we had to bring the wedding forward at very short notice and finally managed to  get married in hospital (!) on 17/12. I had 8 days of married life with my wonderful husband. 

I have a lovely GP who cared for Gary throughout his illness and who is looking after me now. He advised me to take sleeping tablets for the initial 14 days after Gary’s death and reluctantly I have done so (I’ve never taken a sleeping tablet in my life before). I find that they are a lifesaver because I feel better after a good nights sleep and more able to face the day. Please consider doing the same. 

You describe everything I’m feeling right now and this bloody Covid is just making everything 100 times worse. I’m busying myself arranging a funeral that Gary would be proud of and have set up a crowdfunder in his memory. I am overwhelmed at the response so far. He was so well loved and that gives me a small degree of comfort. 

Chat to me anytime you like - and that goes to the rest of you in this horrible position as well - I’m a great believer in peer support and together we can help each other through this horrendous stage in our lives that none of us ever envisaged happening. My Gary was only 51 and was fit, strong and the most positive person I’ve ever known before being diagnosed totally out of the blue with this affliction. 

Take care xx 

Hi CD Girl,

Thank you for your post and I am so sorry for your loss, your husband was about the same age as mine, I lost him on 10 December.

It makes me so sad to read all these messages and imagine so much loss and heartache, but at the same time I do find your post so uplifting as you speak so positively of your wonderful husband and of getting through this together. I believe the same. I have been overwhelmed by the support in here.

We have my husbands funeral on Friday so am anxious about that but I believe that we have done everything we can to make him proud on the day and show him just how much he was loved.

I wish you all the best with what is to come and please keep posting. X