Can't sleep

Hi Lee Bop

My husband died last week and I cannot at this stage imagine a way forward at all.

But I have had so much support from people in this group already I know that I will find a way through all of this in time, even though I am terrified to think of a future without my husband.

I like you didn't expect to be a widow in my 50's and we had made so many plans for our future....

I have so much love and support but only people who have been  through this can really understand, so I am so grateful that we can be there to support each other.

Thinking of you xx

I struggled to sleep at first but for me I found getting an electric blanket, a new mattress topper and new bedding helped because I was snuggly.

I then put his photo by my bed that I loved,vwhen he was well and everything was new and good in our relationship. I also have a small pot of ashes and a little angel ornament.

I now sleep with no problems.

Take care.

Alison xxx

I invested in new PJ's as I always felt cold. Plus I have three if my favourite photos by the side of the bed....it helps a little. I'm looking for a small robin to add as he always believed that robins appear when a loved one is near. There have been a lot of robins around this Christmas.

Still struggling with sleep. I close my eyes and my mind just races. I nod off but wake up almost hourly, I think because I got into the habit while in the hospice of being on high alert to any changes I just can't seem to stop. Just feel so tired, all the time. Had a meeting with the priest today for the funeral next week, that was so hard. He asked me what I wanted people to know about Martin. I just broke again, I hate talking about him in the past tense. I don't know how I can get over to people just how amazing he was and all that he meant to me and his friends in such a short time. I'm heading back to the chapel of rest tomorrow, I wasn't sure if I should, but I can't stay away. 

I still just don't want to be here. I hate saying it, but I have to say it out loud. I want to go too but I'm too scared. It was always just meant to be the 2 of us, it was supposed to be forever. I just want to have him here with me. I miss him so much.

Hi Yvie79,

Im so so sorry you’re having to go through this. I know how awful it is taking about your husband in the past tense, so don’t. Even though you cannot physically be with him he is with you constantly in your heart. I’m not religious I just mean cherish all those wonderful things. He is still an amazing person just because he is not with you. 
Please don’t do anything to leave as I’m sure you have people who are about you who would be heartbroken and try and think what your husband would want, I am sure he would want you to carry on.

I have no idea if this will help as we are clearly all different, but I am trying to look at it this way. I adored my husband more that life itself. He was my world. We did the most amazing things together and saw amazing places. We didn’t waste our time together. Now he has gone at just 52 and it’s so unfair, but I am still here so I owe it to him to carry on doing the amazing things that we would have continued to do as he doesn’t get to anymore. I am lucky that I can do that with his children and my grandson but if you have friends then in time when you are ready maybe they could do them with you. 
Perhaps speak to your GP about lack of sleep and also would you consider counselling?

Please private message me also any time if it helps, we are added as friends.

X

Hi All

I feel relieved I can tick off Christmas and almost New year what a difference a year makes! I am missing him so much today we met 30 years today . I am unable to look at photos far to painful but also feel like I can’t remember what he looked like only the image of him poorly. It is reassuring to read posts  It takes so much strengh to write but what would we do without one another as we are the only ones who really understand the pain and devastation of our world turned upside down. I hope 2021 is a little kinder to us.

Here I am again.

Still can't sleep and now I can't seem to stop crying.

The more I let myself think about things the deeper the realisation sets in that my life is just over. The person I was is gone, I've lost my identity. I'm left behind here without the one thing I love more than anything. Martin. 

I'm putting on a brave face during the day, maybe thinking I could trick myself into feeling not so lost, felt like I'd got a bit of a plan in mind yesterday but it's just gone again. The reality of the situation just hits home and all I see are my own futile attempts to cling desperately to a life that can not be.

Hi,

Sleepless nights filled with tears is normal I think. I’ve done it several times myself. I laid on the sofa last night crying my eyes out and just wishing for my husband to come back. I just can’t understand how he can be with me one day, alive and talking to me, and then lying in a hospital bed the very next day, lifeless. But wishing him back is not going to make it so.

Please don’t be hard in yourself, we are both so early on in our grief. We’ve not even had the funerals to say goodbye yet (not that we want to say goodbye I’m sure). Try not to think ahead and just worry about today and being able to just get up, get dressed and try and eat. At this point I think it’s the basic human functions to keep going we need to concentrate on and the rest will come with time.

It sounds like Martin truly loved life and adventure, just like my hubby Clive. So one day hopefully we will both get to a point where we can continue to do the things that they loved and just carry them with us in our hearts. I’m sure that’s what they would want.

Keeo going, you’re doing better than you realise x

I totally agree with you about doing better than you think!  I thought I wasnt coping at all until my daughter reminded me that I am getting out of bed, showered, dressed and managing to eat (a bit). 

It's now 10 days since I lost John, (actually writing his name rather than my husband brings tears to my eyes).  I have no idea how I have got through 10 days...but I have!  So I'm going to try to carry on, one day or hour at a time. Too scared to think further ahead than that.  Hope things will get easier in time but I know I have a long way to go.

Take care of yourselves xx

You’re doing so well Sarah 21. That is definitely the key. Just concentrate on the present day and try and block out the future for now. It only brings more tears. I don’t know how but I’ve now gone over 3 weeks without Clive. We’d only ever spent 3 nights apart at the most in our 23 years together, so this feels very strange and empty. But st the same time I feel close to him in our home still. His pictures are everywhere and he touched everything here so it brings me comfort.

x