Well What Can One Say

Hi Ellie & bootsyd 

it’s always good to have a chat I’m glad you are all doing okay or the best we all can  I do find the site a lot harder to use 

the keeping busy I do a list in my head and give up half way through thinking what’s the point 

I had phone counselling seemed the easiest option at the time because of being at work all the time 

work I’m back on days this week nice to be out in the wind and rain 

may be it is the guilt even after all these months I still cuddle up with the pillows at nite and ask Diane to come home to see me tell I love her 

take care 

Martin x

Hi Ellie and a few others on this thread I recognise.

Been away from the group for a while. I dont know what they have done but its hard to find things a change for the worse.

Its now 15 months since I lost my beloved Amanda, things have changed a little, I'm managing to be part of society, but really nothing has changed, I miss her every day I talk to her pictures every day, I wonder where she is and why she's gone.

I was looking to see if Geoff999 was around  he lost his wife of many years to pancreatic the same month as me, I often felt he summed up allot of how I felt as did a number of you on here.

Im now very active in a hospice group, we walk a lot, eat out and frankly enjoy the banter of shared group, something from what I read has been lost in this forum?

Im also a member of 2 hobby groups, and find I can throw myself headlong into that. Made some great friends, but behind the facade  I'm  still broken, half the person I was and realisation, I'm on my own. Sometimes the simplest things become hard just not having my soulmate  friend, partner by my side.

I hope those that remember me are all doing as well as they can, I can't contemplate moving on, still have 99% of her things as she left them but I know Ive got to reduce things at some point.

I cry like a baby, far to often, my daughter put on facebook  she doesnt know how I can still smile around the family, I obviously am good at hiding my true feelings.

Anyway, couldnt find out how to post a new thread, so hijacked this one. Take care, for me its not getting much better, but I'm doing the best I can.

Gary.

Been a while since you have been on hope your well 15 months for me to and we sound like we are in the same boat Geoff is on sue ryder a lot I have noticed be safe 

Hi Ian 

I come on read the posts too don’t say a lot but Gary is right you just hide your feelings and carry on if I listen and a certain song comes on I cry I watch a film the other day started crying it’s strange I still ask her to come home  nearly 10 months for me 

take care 

martin 

Hi martin hope your well yes I spend a lot of time fighting back tears as being at work has helped but do so miss her even after 15 months seems a lifetime 

Hi Ian 

im sort of okay I have become lazy I can’t be ask to cook dinner when I come home from work I just want to sit in front of tv like a veg  a least I’m honest work helps but not unless you are really busy   How are you feeling now did you have your treatment 

people seem to think if you move you will feel happier but you have to be ready But grieving take time  if only I had the answers 

take care 

martin 

Still waiting covid must have slowed the appointments had one test but need biopsy so don't hold out much hope for it soon. I find work helps to perfect your I'm OK face but when I get home  be safe 

Hi Ian 

I now that face smile if someone asked if you are okay yes I’m doing okay 

you come home and it’s empty and horrible 

take care 

Martin 

How lovely to see you all, glad it is not just me, one year now and seem to be going backwards.

I am no youngest and think what is the point, just get threw each day nothing has any purpose at the moment.

It hit me Sunday just gone, this is real and he is not coming home, was finished for the day.

Its good you have jobs to go to, wish i had a purpose, mine is 3 months at a time.

Have to say the weather is not helping then the clocks go back, hated last year, no wonder people get depressed.

So glad to see you all about.

Take Care Ellie xx

Hi Ellie,  Ian and Martin.

Nice to see most of those I knew on here are still around.

I found I didn't need to come on so often then found it difficult to log in  and couldn't find my way around the group.

Had a bad day today, decided to look through the wardrobe see if I could part with anything. I sorted a few things for the charity shop and a lot of things I remember so well and just can't part with them. Ended up getting very upset. I've yet to brave the trip, but what I have doesn't have special meaning.

Most days I get by OK, I've managed to cook regularly, the general house stuff I'm managing  fairly well. Its the doing everything on my own after doing everything together, I  find that the hardest. Driving on my own, never done it for 46 years, its hard. DIY, always did things together. I find simple things daunting. The loneliness is the worst, but I won't get past that, my heart is firmly stuck in the she is irreplacable  and she is.

Well nice to hear from everyone, seems were all pretty much in the same place.

Will pop by from time to time.

Gary.