Early days please help

Hi Kernowp X

You have come to the right place X know that first of all X

I lost my 47 year old husband to pancreatic cancer 3 months ago tomorrow.

Whilst no one can say 'i know how you feel' because everyone's grief is as individual as they are, but we share a common sense of loss.

My husband died at home, with me nursing him to the very end, but for two weeks after he died I woke up everyday berating myself for having left the side of his bed and it would serve me right to go into that room and find him dead. That stopped the morning of the funeral, only to be replaced by some other hurt.

The only thing I can say is that some days it will be all you can do to get out of bed and make a cup of tea, and that's ok. Some days you will cry all day and still not be done,, that's ok too. You are in very early days, don't focus on the future, next week or even tomorrow, just take each hour at a time and when you are feeling particularly lost, come here and let off steam.

We have been affected by a cruel disease at a cruel time . Just coming here and reaching out is your amazing achievement for today. 

With love x

Hi,

You are still in really early days. But you do start to cope differently with time. Things will change and you will get a new routine. You will always miss him and love him, that is good but you will move forward but not yet.

I lost Ric 8 months ago, things have changed but it surprising how strong you can be and you will be. At the moment, cry if you need to, don't go to bed if you are not ready to go up there but make your room comfy for you, I kept a lamp on and put his photo by my bed. I still keep the landing light on, it just makes me feel secure, I don't know what from. His photo makes me feel close..we all do things differently. 

One day at a time. Keep writing if you feel you want to, we have all been there in our own way.

1. Sending you love and hugs Alison xxx

I too am feeling totally heartbroken.  We had the funeral on Monday.  I never knew that I could hurt so much.  All the things that you said I fully understand my heart is broken and I don't know how I am going to cope without him. Reading lots of posts I think what we are going through is normal x

Hi PaulandAmanda

Thank you for replying.  I coped reasonably well apart from few meltdowns after my husband passed although I was heartbroken. The funeral was on Wednesday & since then I’ve gone downhill rapidly, I am so lonely, my husband & I did everything together & had only spent 13 horrific nights when he was in hospital with no visitors,apart in 38 years. I can’t function & there seems little help out there. I feel at least people on here know exactly what I’m going through so really appreciate all replies.

love  

Kernowp

Hi Alison

Thank you for replying, I really appreciate it. Even sleeping ( or trying to) downstairs is too frightening for me, I suffer severe anxiety & have LED lamps on & security cameras! I’m an absolute bundle of nerves. 

My family had a cushion made for me with my husbands photo on, I just sit hugging it & crying buckets. 

I have a lot of minor health issues which as I’m so low, depressed & anxious they have  all flared up at once so as well as my overwhelming grief im in agony & have nausea 

Love Kernowp 

Hi Caroltoni

thanks for posting I’m really grateful. So very sorry you are going through this too. My husbands funeral was on Wednesday but I’ve definitely gone downhill since. You sound so similar to me I really can sympathise 

sending love 

Kernowp 

As we seem at a similar stage I’ve sent you a friends request so if you agree we can private message 

Hi all,

We all grieve in different ways, at different times and for different reasons.

A good friend gave me some advice  earlier this week;

Don't push yourself to come to terms with anything. Let nature take its course and one day you will wake up and feel a bit better, you'll still have down days but they become less and less as time goes on.

Your hurt and grief is very new and raw, embrace it, use it and you'll come out the other side one day when YOU are ready to

Lizzy x

Thank you Lizzy. That’s good advice although having got up today after 2 hours sleep I feel even worse today, I cry non stop & the pain in my broken heart is physical. I honestly can understand people dying from a broken heart as I’ve no desire to even contemplate a life without my beloved husband by my side. 

Love 

kernowp

I am so sorry for your loss. You have come to the right place because all of us here have experienced something similar to what you are going through at the moment and the pain of loss and everything that comes with that. I lost my Paul a little over two years ago and, believe me, this group was a life saver. And I hope it will be the same for you. Love Melanie