How can I live without my wonderful husband?

Dear Kernowp,

So sorry that you find yourself here after the loss of your wonderful husband.  I lost my husband in 2018.

It is very early days for you under extraordinary times. It is difficult without the current covid situation!

Having said that, you will find a lot support here and feel free to share/vent/ask for advice anytime. I had problems logging in but I am sure more people will follow.  Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

My advice for the early days is to be kind to yourself. Concentrate on the basics and take one moment at a time. Try to eat, sleep and take care of yourself as much as you can. 

With lots of love,

Dutsie Xx

I just wanted to reply.  My husband died on 20th 13 days after his 57th birthday.  It would have been our 32nd anniversary on 23rd.  His funeral is on Monday and like you my children will go home.  I just have to take it hour by hour ...I cry all the time and totally exhausted. Carol x

So sorry Carol. It's ok to cry whenever you want to, it's a good release of tension. Mu hubby died 17 weeks ago now and I never thought I would get past each day and have cried everyday at different tmes but always at bedtime and when I leave the cemetery too. Dutsie is right, eat, sleep and take care of yourself, you'll be amazed at how strong you are at dealing with 'stuff'

Xx

I am sorry you both have had to join this group but you will get a lot of support from the people here, as only some one losing their wife or hubby soul mate can truly understand what one goes threw. Even though my grown up children have lost their dad, they will never really know what it fills like, to be alone, mine all have their own life and partners.

As dustie said take care of your self, i just did one day at a time, its not easier but you will at some point think how did i every get this far, for me its nearly ten months i never ever thought i could get this far down the road but i have, we find strength from some where.

Please use this group has been my life line since he passed and some days i surprise myself what i have done, he would be proud of me, i know he would and that makes me smile.

Take Care Ellie xx

Carol,

Just wanted to say that I am sorry to hear about your husband and that you find yourself here too. Grief is exhausting and all you can do is take it hour by hour for now.

There are lots of people on this forum to reach out to, at different stages of grief. I have found sharing your feelings with people that truly understand has helped me over the last 19 months or so. We have all been there and will be there for you.

Take care,

With lots of love,

Dutsie Xx

Thank you all for your replies. I’m so sorry that you are all going through such a horrible time. I thought I was odd as I cry all the time, a song, something on the TV, looking at a photo, seeing my husbands slippers, even opening the freezer as I’d bought all his favourite ice creams when it was all he could eat.

I feel I’m existing not living & cant take anything in, my son has had to write me an idiots guide to the TV remote as I can’t remember how to use it! I’m struggling to get through each minute of every hour. I’m tired, I don’t sleep. Everything is too much effort & I simply can’t see my future without my wonderful kind, loving & amazing husband, 

I lost my Dad suddenly 25 years ago, I was devastated but not like this. My Mum had a debilitating stroke & also passed away 12 years ago, yes I was upset but I still functioned.

This grief is intolerable. I admire those of you who are further down the grief line, however did you cope in the early days. I’m dreading the funeral, I wrote the eulogy with help from my sons & step daughter but, cried the whole time reliving memories. 

Im a total mess.

lots of love to you all.

P 

 Hi Carol,

So sorry that you too lost your husband so recently. It would have been our 38th wedding anniversary a week after my husband died. I took his card to the funeral director & sat with him. 

I will be thinking of you tomorrow, I’m dreading my husbands funeral on Wednesday. I’ve written the eulogy in floods of tears, there’s no way I’ll be able to read it. 

I too cry all the time, my family bought me a cushion with my favourite photo of my husband printed on it I hug it  & cry. My step daughter has made us all felt hearts, she put locks of her Dads hair in ours & locks of our hair in his. His will go with him & ours will stay with us forever .

Like you I’m exhausted, I don’t sleep. 

My thoughts are with you, I really appreciate you posting at what is an incredibly sad & early days for you too. Please keep in touch when you feel able to. 

P xx

Thank you Ellie, I agree that although my grown up children have lost their Dad who they were extremely close to, they all have wives & partners to share their lives with. 

Im finding the very thought of being alone terrifying. I suffer from extreme anxiety & have been on anti depressants since my husbands diagnosis last year. I’m quite literally heartbroken it actually hurts. I cry constantly & simply can’t imagine getting through the rest of my life without my beloved husband. I’m not even retirement age but, can’t work due to ill health so I’ve no income! It’s all too awful to contemplate.

However did you get through the early weeks? 

Take care P xx

Hi P

Its real early days we all cope differently, i seemed to go in what i called robot mode, he left so many jobs, which i had to get finished, he did all the paper work so i had to learn that, and i surprised my self buy getting it done. I used to do one thing a day and cross of the list, could not have coped other wise. Take one step at a time that is all we can do, do not try and rush, you have to take care of your self, he would want that. I still have my moments and emotions come from no where when you least expect it, the crying  is not as bad and is longer before i am set of again. We are human and it is all part of the grieving process.

Use this group a great support from every one we all truly understand what a person is going threw. You have Wednesday coming, for me it was something and the last thing i could and would do for him houghts are with you over the next few days.

Take Care Ellie x

I am so very sorry for your loss. He was way too young to die as so many of our partners are, taken by this horrible disease. And so many of us here will have asked Them sells the same question: how are we going to live without our wonderful partners? It is something we cannot imagine it first. And yet, as days grow in two weeks and then even months, we realised that by living H day and only one day at a time we move forward in this life. Somehow you will find a way to move forward with him in your heart and always by your side but no longer here in physical form. Love, Melanie.