Disengenuous?

Careful Lizzy!

Keep being so nice and you might get a proposal!

Seriously though that's a very kind thing to say and I'm very touched by your kindness and the fact you still think of others even though your own times have been so poor.

Its true I think of others before me but I know I would love to meet someone who could give to me as I would give to them without the taking..

Mcc,

I'm sure that there is someone out there for you, you deserve true happiness 

Hopefully someone who understands you and allows you to feel as cared for and loved as Carla must have done.

I'm a firm believer that we are not masters of our own destiny that somewhere out there something makes us gravitate towards others. Like leaves falling off a tree and floating downstream together.

Who knows maybe both of us will have a "second" chance.

Lizzy x

I never had an easy relationship with Ric either, he had PTSD which he also binge drank! He could be a nightmare to live with and we lived apart for the last couple of years but I still spoke to him daily and saw him at least 4 times a week and daily after his diagnosis. I was in fact running two homes and bringing up my children in addition to caring for Ric, firstly his PTSD and then his cancer! The cancer was the easy bit. 

At times he would wipe out days where he drank and I learnt to leave him to it. But then when he didn't he was a lovely man who I loved dearly. When he was diagnosed he changed back to the caring man he was before the PTSD and made amends with people.

I was hurt after he died when I found out that a woman in his block of flats started to have feelings for him. I found a couple of messages on his phone. I had suspected her before he died but he denied it, maybe didn't wipe those messages because he wanted me to know. It was pretty one sided on her part I think but I was curious, I still want to slap her. She initially ruined my feeling for him but then I found a notebook which he had written in how much he loved me and that I was his world. And at the end of the day I was married to him and he didn't want a divorce and he told me I was his babe all the time. She did have the tough end of my tongue and I told her to go **** off not very lady like. She had wanted to view him but I stopped that and although she turned up at his funeral, she was told firmly by my dad and Ric's son she was not welcome. I have put her away now and know in.my heart of hearts that it was me he loved. I gave him my best and will always have him in my heart.

I try to focus on the good memories of which there were many. His PTSD was an illness and one we could have done with out. 

I will move forward without feeling guilty. He had 11 years of our lives. I don't want another relationship at present despite loneliness, I seem to attract needy men! My first husband also had mental health problems. I now want to be me.

Take care all

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi Alison,

Wow, you put up with a lot and you have come out the other side of it sounding so brave.

I think you've done exactly the right thing put the other woman away, firmly where she belongs. It sounds like you were the only one for Ric and she was just a "blip" someone who set her sights on him and it sounds like it wasn't reciprocated.

I know what you mean about wanting to be you, I had 20 years of having "me" squashed out of me and it's hard to emerge.

We are all different aren't we and I do want another relationship as long as it's with the right person, and I think I'll know who that is the minute I set eyes on them just a feeling I've got and well we're all allowed to dream aren't we.

Alison I think you are an inspiration and I wish you all the best for your future moving forward in your own time, in your own way and as you.

Lizzy x

Alison

That's a hugely courageous post and a very humbling one. I too am ex forces and a war pensioner to boot. 

I know the boozy culture of the forces and how PTSD can affect people so badly. Your kindness in keeping Ric in your life even though you were living apart is an example to many people.

It seems your road was very tough and to emerge from it head held high like Lizzy K is testament to you both.

I feel as though this group is a group of friends who look out for each other and this gives us the courage to ne very open and honest..

Thank you for your contribution to this thread.. 

Hi Lizzy k and Mccmcc,

Yes I never had it easy with either of my husbands and sadly they are no longer here but both gave me something. Simon was my first love, we had 26 years together, I met him young. He gave me love when my parents divorced, a lovely home, was probably my soul mate and I knew him.inside out. He was never verbal or aggressive and when we parted he said he was not giving me a life. I am not sure that was true but he gave me two beautiful children who are my world. I will always love him.

Ric taught me other things about life. He was far more experienced than I was! He was caring and loved me but also a little restrictive. We had 10 years together. He taught me I could do anything I wanted and probably made me more determined to do things for myself now. He made me strong because I had to be!!! But I became a little harder than I wanted to be and lost my fun loving side.

I want to get back my soft fun loving side. Relax a little, be the fun mum again. I think I am getting there, the kids are relaxed and know they can rely on me. I just need to start my healthy regime now, loose the couple of stone and be me. I have bought a little new clothes and ordered a couple of pairs of heels! Ric didn't like me wearing high shoes as he was not too tall! I also had my hair cut differently. The first time in forever!!! Then maybe I may find company, just for the odd meal. I know my children will be off in a year or two, Hannah to uni and Paul is building up a good deposit for his own place.

Life does go on and although I miss and love them both, I am still only 53 and have lots of life left! I am moving forward slowly but surely. 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Good for you Alison.

I have the daunting task of getting back to blighty, finding work, home and stop my older brother ordering me about and telling me what I 'should' be doing.

But I can see now a future maybe one I had only dreamed about before and I am going to pursue that dream until the ends of the Earth...

Go for it. We all deserve a good life. You have done your bit. I am sure you will settle back and be nice to start fresh. 

There is one in every family!!! My mum is my thorn in my side! Lol. She thinks she knows best and is a wonderful person but forgets the hurt and mistakes she has made over the years! Rise above him, I keep telling mum no one knows what happens behind closed doors and it is none of your business! 

Go get your life back and enjoy it. Your Carla will always have a corner in your heart but you are a young man who deserves happiness xxx

Dear Mccmcc 

I doubt you realised when you started this thread how many people would be touched by what you have said & you going first has allowed other people to be open & honest. 
I second what others have said, I hope you can now live your best life & be truly happy. 

Sarah x

Dear all,

This weekend has been truly inspirational, thank you all for  your support and honesty.

Mcc - you have created  a new dimension to this area of the online community.  Somewhere we know that we can be ourselves without fear or reprisal. I for one will be eternally grateful to you for giving me back freedom of speech and a save haven where i dont need to hide my real feelings.

I hope that everyone of us can find happiness in the future, moving on with our lives in the way we, as individuals, wish to do so.

Lizzy x