It’s six months now

Hi Martin,

5 Months for me and i feel exactly the same as you. It's not getting any better at all in fact the last week i've even found my grief is making me angry at the slightest thing and i have never been an angry person. People annoy me when the talk about utter crap and all i want to do is scream "Does that really matter"!!!!!!!!!

I had my first online councelling session last Monday and got 2nd one today at 10.00am. Poor councellor never got a word in i talked for an hour about my Bob and even went through the aweful details of his last couple of days and his death (Details that you don't talk to friends and family about) I cried for the whole hour so not sure how i feel about councelling at the moment.

I also sleep with Bobs shirt every night. I get his photo off bedside table and talk and cry to him and i cuddle his ashes and i feel like my heart is breaking. 

Weekends are also the worse for me, sundays especially as that was always our special day with a film and lovely meal. I find myself spending too much time sitting on the sofa watching crap TV and wasting time which in turn makes me even more sad. I go through the motions but everything seems pointless. Work the house everything and Saturday seeing everyone in town sitting outside Bars in couples sharing cocktails made me even more sad, never again will we do that kind of thing.

God life is hard and basically just Shit!

Sheila 

Hi Sheila 

everthing is getting me down work seem to mess me around all the time at moment to I told them it’s not doing me any good 

thought about ringing doctors but don’t want to end up on anti depressants but I get so down 

I only count the months the days just go by me I’ve redecorated bought new bed linen new curtains 

sometimes just want to curl up in a ball and die so all the pain goes away and weekends are the worst time I find I just sit in front of tv and watch crap like you do  wish I had the answers 

take care have a good day 

martin x 

Hi Martin

It is over 7 months for me and I agree with everything you say. It is so so hard. I don't think I'm as nice as I used to be, I get annoyed with people very quickly. I'm sure everyone at work has forgotten, they sit moaning about their husbands all day,  mine wasn't perfect but I would give anything to have him back.

It is 1 year today since I took him to A&E and they told us "he is a young fit guy, won't be anything serious". He was dead 4 months later!

My Son is poorly and had an operation today and I really needed Mark's support, I hate being responsible for everything on my own.

I used to think I had a lovely life, was very lucky, now it has turned to shit.

Take care everyone.

Ali x

Its 6 months for me to. My husband died Christmas day.

Diagnosed in October , still feels like yesterday. I dont' post much but do read which I find helps.

I miss him so much and the lonliness is awful. Having to make decisions on my own I find hard.

Reading your posts and feelings I know I'm not the only one.

Our lives will never be the same again.

Take care everyone

Hugs x

Hi Ali 

I hope your son gets better soon and we responsible for everything now 

at work people think you are okay so don’t say a lot  and think you are doing okay being annoyed and angry I understand too

my life was not perfect but you are right I would like it back you do not what you have until you loose it 

Diane had a bad back for couple months just thought she had twisted it then lost weight took to hospital told two months to live died week later so about the same time as Mark 

take care 

martin x

I'm in the 3 month club now!! Still fighting on with paperwork, probate has been approved - whoppedoooo!! Whatever!!!! Still got too much legal bo££ocks to deal with 'cudda wudda shudda made a will' KnickyKnakkyNoo!!!! LOL!!! loosing the plot now!! goodnight fellow Bereavers xx

I felt so guilty in the first 3 months , the paperwork and phone calls to 'bereavement ' helplines of organisations which, whilst helpful , are trained to sell you legal /probate services or the latest smart meters. I believe 'upselling' to bereaved people should be banned, its wicked.  My husband and l had mirrored wills and all things he put into our joint names before he died. He was an absolute darling and meticulously created a card index in alphabetical order of all the organisations ,contact numbers and reference numbers l would need. Whenever anyone phoned to ask how  l  was l regaled them with the latest problem l was having and how long l was kept hanging on the phone. I sacked our solicitor whose 'advice' was wrong but always in a way that would generate more fees. I felt l was in shark infested waters.  I know l lost at least two old friends , they must have thought all l cared about was money but the truth was it was just misdirected grief and anger.He was younger than me, always fitter  and calm and measured ,he wasnt supposed to leave me. I get angry at the smallest thing that goes wrong but l dont moan anymore to others  . Six months on and l am about to tell our mobile phone provider, the last on the list as l dare not risk losing my contact number as my account was an add on in my husbands name. I cannot imagine how hard it must be for people during lockdown with fewer staff and everything having to be done online. God Bless you ,get angry, cry, those of us who have been through it all understand why. 

Hi 

suppose it took me four months to sort stuff out she had no will most stuff is in my name some of the credit card people were not not nice the pension company take time to pay out but I got it sorted in the the end with help from citizen advice 

the mobile phone company were great took death certificates in and they helped me sort it out 

take care 

Martin x

Hi

I am going into my 7th month. I sorted paperwork fairly easily. Ric had his bank account as joint so that was really easy. He had no will, only his possessions. He was living in rented accommodation because of his PTSD, they tried it on for more money, kept on about probate but I was firm with back up from the British legion and told them he had no debt with them, he was a month ahead with the rent and I emptied his flat within 8 days, was allowed 30 days! They got told to bugger off! They tried to bill me for £30 electric but I had already sorted it out with the company and had photos of the meter readings! he had no life insurance and I got the widow's allowance as he was under retirement age. That was very easy. Everything else was plain sailing. I had it all sorted within 3 months.

I still have his ashes to scatter next month but I am ready to keep moving forward now. I still have down days and think a lot about him. Special days are hard like my son's 21st etc but some anniversaries have now past. I can't see me being with anyone else, despite the loneliness. I will always miss him and love him as I do my first husband. But I am only 53 and I don't want to be unhappy and he would be furious with me if I was. 

I am not sure he would like my new haircut today but I decided to get rid of the 80's fringe and style and I have gone for a collar length Bob. I will dye it myself tonight and I am considering a pale pink streak! 

I am going to try and stay positive. 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi Alison 

you are doing really well being positive I read your posts I just seem to have a lot of bad days at moment it goes around in your head 

once I had sorted the estate out one thing less to think about  

and I’ve learned to cut my own hair lol I’m getting better at it now 

take care 

Martin x