It’s six months now

Hi Martin,

I think I had my bad days earlier. I know Christmas will be mega hard and I am dreading it. I have found it difficult since my first  husband died as we had so many lovely family Christmases. 

Ric and myself got married on 23rd December and it would have been 10 years and he went on 28th. We knew it was to be his last Christmas but not that quickly. My mum always put the pressure on at Christmas, she thinks it is a family time and that we should all make a big thing of it! She was bad enough last Christmas when we wanted a quiet affair. This year will be worse. She never leaves me alone!!! She already tells me it is just like when her mum died and when her husband left her for divorce!!! I don't think it is anything like it. But then she comes out with you are so independent you cope!!! Actually yes I will because I have to but inside I am really hurting!!! 

I wish I could help you feel positive a bit but life has been crap these last few months and I think the virus has made grieving really hard. I am fortunate that I have two friends who lost their husbands around the same time (not from cancer) and it helps. I am going to see Karen on Saturday, the first time since lockdown and it has brightened us both up. 

Take care. I try and think of one nice thing every day. I found a really cute little guardian angel ornament a few days ago, only cost me a pound and it is by Ric's photo by my bed. (not sure where that emojii came from, when I was moaning about the dogs next door on FB! You can't delete them on here).

Think of all the nice things about Diane today. 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi Alison 

Diane and me we’re together ten years would have been married 6 this July 

my mum use to come to ours every year for Xmas my dad died 8years ago  the last few years bring her friend with her last Christmas was going to be us two and the dogs but she became ill before Christmas so that spent at a& e and on a ward. 
both the dogs have good new homes and are doing well I ask my niece about them the other week got to make sure our babies are okay 

I’ve still not scattered the ashes I know what she wanted me to do with them will do it soon mite piss my family off  she wanted my scattered on my dads grave mite have a look at having something made 

I think about her every day Have photos all over the place I have to try and stay busy if not turn in to a veg in front of tv 

covid 19 I’m like you worked all the way through we short of driver so taken me off the. Artic put in little lorry that’s been stressing me out so have told them I need some stability at work 

take care 

martin x

Hi Martin

I get what you mean about work as I was also redeployed. I was grateful to work, don't get me wrong but I am pleased to get back to my more usual role.

I am.on.leave this week, was supposed to be in italy.but rebooked for next year, which might be better all round. My dad hs fixed my leaky roof and started to help with other jobs this week. I am trying not to think about what we might.have been doing. 

You are a young man still, as am I, I don't want anyone else but I do want to keep my life full. There are lots of things to look forward to. You need some company and something to come home to. How about a cat? 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi Alison 

I join the WayUp web site and belong to their what app chat group  so I’m trying to make new friends 

I took me a couple of years to find someone else when my first wife left me i did think about a cat then change my mind and every body says when I’m ready I will know no one is supposed to be alone in life they say I don’t really no the answers 

Diane said I had to get a new life but I not sure when I will be ready 

we were going on are third cruise this year had to cancel that we always looked forward to are holidays 

take care 

Martin x

Hi Martin

See you are getting there. Small steps. I have thought about a cruise with Karen, my friend who lost her husband.

Take care

Alison xxx

Hi Alison 

go on a cruise they are relaxing holiday just to much food to eat the first one we did was Norway that was a lovely country second one was to the med 

I was looking at a website called ash glass design I think I would like some thing like that it will last for ever  and I could put it in one of cabinet in front room  what do you think 

I just get so down some times  when I’m at work im usually busy so don’t think so much at weekends I find it hardest but now going to write a list of things to do and try and stick to not that easy tho 

take care 

Martin x

Hi Martin

My friend has a ring and her daughter a pendant from ashes to glass. I have the brochure, I quite like the paper weights. Karen's jewellery is quite tasteful. She has a little blue heart ring. I think if it gives you comfort, then do it. I put a bit of Ric in the garden under his guardian angel ornament a d planted a purple rose there, we both loved them. Everything I have planted that side of the garden has grown like crazy and nothing much grew there before.

My other friend has some of her husband's ashes in a special.pot which she has in her cabinet. 

Weekends are always harder. I am lucky I have my two home living with me but Hannah will be driving herself soon and Paul will be out more again as everything is opening up! I will feel it again then. I am not really one for going out at night and that is when I get lonely. 

Work is just a distraction!! 

Take care

Love and hugs Alison xxx