The painfull process of dealing with our loved ones possessions

We don't realise how im portant photos are until we don't have them!!  My son and daughter cringe at me but I had far less of their dad in the later days. I am always taking them. 

It is the special occasions that I feel so alone. It is my son's 21st birthday today and I am.the only one to share it..or it feels like that without his dad or Ric. I guess it is not true but I feel they are missing. We have my dad and stepum and my mum and my brothers and of course his sister but I still feel alone. Xxc

Yes, I recognise this. My younger son’s 21st was 2 days after his dad died. And then our 25th wedding anniversary was soon after and yes, that was very hard. You are lucky to have siblings...I’m an only child. But I do have some good friends, although I didn’t call them for support on the wedding anniversary day- too personal.  
You are right about the photos. I didn’t like to take photos when Mark was ill.

Keep plodding on and try to sleep better . 

I have a new job starting next week, so I hope that will help. You are a nurse l is that right ? 

best wishes 

I really wish I have video or voice recordings of my partner - I can look at a photo but it is static, unless his eyes are following me around the room saying dont throw that out it might be useful one day.  His son sent me a tiny video clip of him on his last bike driving off saying 'see you later mate' but that is all I have of his voice. 

Will swap fishing rods for a small box of screws as I was looking for some and cant face the mess that is the shed. 

JSBach_addict! (JS or Addict?)

 Solitary time for you will be hard, other people distract us even if it is things that may vaguely irritate us but having people around changes things. I have been alone in the apartment since Carla died and now it's OK and I am used to it, I wouldn't describe myself as a gregarious individual but I do enjoy company (on my terms of course!)

I think once the silence has descended and you are left alone with your thoughts then you begin to see the real situation you are in, I think I spent a good few weeks imagining Carla had gone into hospital and was coming home again as she had done in the past for the whole of our time together. I can't offer any magic solution other than it does become easier but in small increments that may not be noticeable to you. I draw up a list of three daily tasks to be done (it started as five but it soon became apparent three was a far more realistic idea) and do my best to get them done, today's list is:

1. Go into loft and clear space for electrical work (I'm doing a few changes to the lighting system)
2. While in loft sort out the seemingly hundreds of towels and blankets I found when starting this job, pack up and take to the dog home when you are out next.
3. Go out and get some 1.5mm cable for the lighting circuit and a few other bits and bobs as required, there's a list somewhere...

If I get that lot done, I will be pleased with myself but it still asks the big question..

Why do you need so many towels?

Dear Mccmcc ( cricket ?) ...

the moniker is just that I like to play Bach. I’ve not done so much lately as younger son was completing uni project to hand in ( electronics...a breathing sensor involving a thing called a capaciflector) , in the room with the piano.  
I think we are quite similar, but my jobs are: go for walk with friend, bit of  shopping for mother in law , dentist, put mulch on garden, try to concentrate on tax technical update seminar. Keep clearing out the rubbish the boys have left me to sort out ( grr). 
probably too many for one day ...I’m not good in heat and here in uk the temperature is 30 and sticky. Probably nicer in Italy. Ciao. 
cant help you about the towels ! 

JSBach..

Dad was a cricket fan and they are my initials! My brothers initials follow a guy called Colin Cowdrey who was a cricketer, obviously you are far too young to remember him.

Sadly I know what a Capaciflector is being an electronics engineer by trade and still working for a UK company called AB Dynamics, they sometimes do work experience and internships for students so it may be interesting for him to check out the website.

https://www.abdynamics.com/

Weather wise it's a bit cloudy today but very pleasant, I am 900 metres up and it's still a novelty when clouds go past at window height!

Morning all,

Not been posting as I've been working through my to-do list!

1) walk the dogs - 6.30am I was out as I am every day but you have to have at least one item that you are guaranteed to be able to cross off!

2) Mow the lawn - I did it under sufferance at 9am it's so hot here but it's done and yippee that's another off the list

3) Make my Mum and her age UK companion a mini picnic each for their lunches to drop off later - done! If I was really cheating I'd add another one involving purchasing the lemonade & finding the plastic cups but I'll give grounds and leave that in number 3

4) Take Archie (2nd eldest dog) for his hair cut and bath - got to be done because he's like a woolly mammoth and I have to drop off the food in item 3 above on the way!

5) Email work and arrange my phased in return - done just waiting for the response to my suggestion.

Hopefully all 5 things will be achieved by 2pm .... a good day

I’ve just been talking with a friend about this and she had a suggestion which I thought excellent so I thought I would share it.  I’m uncertain about what to do with Mark’s possessions that are visible in the house.  For me, they are Both comforting, and, also discomforting. My friend’s advice was to make a diary date a few months hence to review the situation, and decide then ...or kick the can down the road again if that’s I want to do at that time.  So I’ve hidden the decorating gear so that it won’t fall down on me again when I open that cupboard, and I’m hiding his fedora and his Panama hat. And I’ll think about it again in October.  

Yes I am a nurse. All I have ever done but it is getting towards time for a change I think. I am now doing pre assessment and have just returned to my role as I was redeployed through the pandemic! But I am mainly doing extra work with covid questionnaires and swabs!!! But hopefully steering towards normal. 

What job are you doing? Be good to have a fresh new start with all of vivid and bereavement. 

I look at my last photo of Ric on Christmas Day and he looked so Ill. I hadn't realised at the time. He looked happy but not really him. He was always better if I caught him unawares. But I do have my favourite photo of him a few years back where he was sat on some steps at the beach smiling at me. It is now on my phone. 

I am very lucky to have brothers. We can sometimes go a while without seeing each other but they are always there and my oldest one was the first here when Ric died ( they didn't especially get on but he came for me and came to his funeral with his naval tie, Ric was army! So a bit of a joke to Ric which he would have liked! They shared a birthday too!)

Good luck in your new job 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Interesting about possessions this thread, I was working in the loft this morning doing some electrics moving cabling before I smash a hole in a wall for a new wood burner, need to start now and get it up and running before the snows and I came across yet more towels and blankets, a whole bunch of the most fantastic crochet like doily things but much cooler (I think it was a family cottage industry) oh and some newspaper clipping about Carla's Uncle winning the football pools in Italy in 1959 he won about 250,000,000 lire!

So towels and blankets (found more of those) are in the bags for the dog rescue there is a nice space and I can begin smashing walls with impunity but I may use my hammer and cold chisel...

It seems the more 'stuff' I find the harder my heart becomes about keeping things...