The painfull process of dealing with our loved ones possessions

My workshop was regarded as a bit weird by my friends as it was normally a modicum of tidiness.

I could spend a happy day sorting out screws into their correct boxes and my wall plugs well, colour coded and size coded it was indeed a work of art.....

Ruby you can raise them the same but they never are...maybe it's youngest child syndrome, my son was the youngest as I was, I never really needed cuddles and stuff from Mum but my brother did. Carla's eldest son is very tactile and affectionate while his younger brother is very self contained..

Hi lizzy 

My niece came round and sorted Diane cloths shoes hand bags gave some to women refuge and the rest to charity shops  I had to sort out the loft why we we keep so much stuff we are never going to use again 

then help rehomed the two cocker spaniels they both have good homes  I spoke two her she said they are doing really well  and behaving now they are living apart 

Take care 

martin x

Oh no ... we haven't even started on the loft!

Hi lizzy 

my nieces say the flat is minimalist if she look in the cupboard with my fishing stuff in she would not say that lol 

you have plenty of time to do stuff  their is no rush it kept me busy  you will just do things then think of another thing to do 

take care 

martin x

Colin's' work history started with screws LOL!!  We have so many screws, wall plugs with colours, nails with flatheads pins etc I have NO idea why??? he  worked in the tool industry for years then the catering/hospitality industry for ages we have so much crap in the garage it will go to the tip eventually!!! Unless his 4 lads  can do something with them !! Almost as interesting as fishing!! (no offence)

Oooops sorry Martin!! Don't want to upset fishers! 

I cleared Ric's clothes, dvds etc quickly. I kept special DVDs and CDs to us but he had loads. I kept a couple of fav t shirts, jeans, hats and his wedding outfit. The rest went to charity but also not in our home town. 

Ric had a lot of regimental things, I kept a couple like his flag but most went to the regimental funds towards the memorial stone they are saving for. The cause was very special to Ric as did half of the donations at his funeral. He has raised in excess of £400 and still.things to auction. So he would have been really pleased. 

I have a keepsake shelf in my wardrobe of belongings, his guitar, two memory boxes and for some reason jam jars full of screws in the garage!!! Why do men collect these! 

I have a couple of boxes of his stuff iny dad's garage that I haven't got to yet, which is why I did most of it quickly because I can't easily do it now. So I am glad I did tuck him away. I have loads of photos and memories though. 

We all have our own ways 

Love and hugs Alison xxc

It’s good to read how we differ in dealing with this painful horrible part of the grief experience.I begin to recognise some of you, getting to know your different styles.  I did like the story about the little boy wondering about the dog’s decomposition process...my elder son was just like that.  I could not bear seeing Mark’s clothes ( he was messy !) and so asked my grown up boys to clear a lot of his things away quickly. And although that was very distressing that was what I wanted to do at the time. It was difficult fitting them into our tiny recycling boxes so I asked neighbours for help.  I didn’t want to have bags and bags of clothes waiting to go. Today I found his decorating gear, all spattered with paint, old jumpers, old shirts. They fell out of a cupboard when I was looking for an embroidery frame to lend to my mum ( she’s starting to lose the plot as well...this is hard ). Weirdly, I don’t think I’m going to throw them away. Not sure why. I have hung onto an old dressing gown too, but I cannot imagine I will wear it or cuddle it. And there are several pairs of shoes that I’ve deliberately “missed”. I think at first , trying to keep busy is helpful, but it’s hard to know what to do, so clearing things away can seem like a good “busy” thing to do. I also think it’s a way of gritting one’s teeth and trying to face what’s happened.  

There are also many many boxes of rawl  plugs and screws and god knows what. It all sits there in the utility room, as if he’s going to come back....

this is my first week on my own since Mark died as the boys are away. It is not going well. I feel like I’ve gone back several stages...over the last couple of weeks I have had a few days when I felt sort of normal. But that’s out of the window now the boys aren’t here.   

I wish I had more photos. Mark didn’t like having his photo taken.  I like the idea of a memory box, but can’t readily see “things” to put in. Mark was more about ideas, and gadgets..but they don’t go in boxes.