Ashes into jewellery

Maybe ask his sons? See how they feel but I would suggest and apologies for maybe coming across as a bit of patronisingl. Just broach the subject as if it's a whimsical thing and not a deeply thought idea. I think you'd soon get your answer.

As for the 'ethicality' of wanting to hang on to a loved one I can't see if ethics even come into the question. For my money we are all in weird zone at the moment, I was OK this morning and have been for a few days, this afternoon descended into reams of self pity and sobbing. Now its gloomy time again and thinking very bad thoughts about my own life.

Maybe incorporated into a pendant might be easier from the logistical point of view? My own view is that the body that housed Carla has gone, she no longer resides there and it is just a facsimile of what she was, her memory for me is in the realm of the imagination and although I am not a religious person I believe in reincarnation and some kind of intelligent design to the universe (god?) but a more passive energy based entity a universal codex, once the program is rolling it's a kind of observed free for all and the chance to come back again to try again.

(I just re read this and now know I've gone bonkers, don't forget to wear your colander outside and cover it with tin foil to stop the 5G thought waves getting into your head......must buy new iphone.....must buy Amazon products.....yes Alexa I know Alexa...must buy buy buy) 

It's a free for all here, us bereavers have 'Carte Blanche' to feel how we want, to express ourselves how we want because FFS we are the ones left behind, I'd give so much to spend just a hew hours with Carla again but I can't, I was her protector and I utterly failed to protect her from this and I think your post has shown the level of emotional bond you carry for your guy so surely a tiny bit of his ash kept close to you isn't asking so much?

Hi lizzy 

mcc right ask the sons what they would like done with the ashes  and decided together 

my wife’s are still at home with me but I like having them here with me I will scatter them when I’m ready 

take care 

martin x

Thank you Mick for your reply.

Im sorry to hear that your day went downhill today, you seemed to be doing so well and I for one have to thank you for picking up my mood with your humour, humility and general all round possitive attitude.

This "Bereavers club" is increasingly becoming such a lifeline for me, virtual friends who dont expect, dont judge and just seem to gel.

From reading your posts you gave yourself to Carla unreservedly, none of us can protect our loved ones the way we wanted, we all failed with that one and that's what (sadly) has bought us all here.

I wonder if it were possible to ask Carla what she thought what would she say ... i think something along the lines of  this - he did his best, he loved me, he cared for me like no other, i could not have asked for more.

Don't be hard on yourself, it's early days, and forgive me for this ... take that shiny colander off your head before the widows parade starts you cant hide from them looking like that!

Take care Mick, tomorrow is another day and we all need you, your humour and your songs!

Lizzy

Thank you Martin- 

His eldest isn't doing so good at the moment, he was only 11 when his Mum passed away and I think his Dads passing has made him grieve for his Mum again too a double whammy for him. But as with so many he doesn't want to talk about it all. I think i will leave it for a while and see if he brings the subject up.

My Mum keeps my stepdad in the wardrobe next to her bed makes her feel safe .

Hope you have had a good day today 

Lizzy

Dear all,

It's strange this post came up because nearly a year after my Anne passed I still have her ashes.. At  the beginning I was going to scatter Anne's remains across a corn field that our holiday caravan overlooked. But recently I can't bear the thought of her remains being  left  alone and untended so many miles away. ( Im such a silly old bigger. LOL.) So I bought an urn with pink roses enscribed on the side. My darlings ashes will now be placed in this urn and alongside my bed. It will seem we are still together. 

Love and Light 

Geoff x

Hi Geoff

Its 5 years in August since my stepdad passed away, my Mum turns 80 this year and thankfully it was one of the thing's they had talked about - he was 14 years older than her but far more practical with such things so he resides in the wardrobe (why there who knows) watching over her

Lizzy 

Dear Lizzy 

Aint us humans strange creatures? We all have our own ways of paying respect : most  of it bizarre to say the least. Me included LOL But its a ritual we just have to follow along  as individuals. And why not Lizzy? So step dad resides in the wardrobe. Hey! I'm sure he's OK with that. I'm sure my Anne would be just as happy being cast to the four winds. On a more serious note. I did consider having my Anne's ashes converted into a diamond then set in a ring for me to wear -  as a person I know has done. But not for me. However with all due respect its what ever makes us feel contended. 

Love and Light 

Geoff x

Hi Lizzy,

I personally didn't like the idea of Ric being made into jewellery but my friend lost her husband 3 months before I lost Ric and she wears a ring and her daughter has a pendant. They also both have a small urn next to their.beds. they intend to.scatter the rest of his ashes.

I will scatter Ric soon, initially I was going to leave him in the undertakers as I was more comfortable with that but he would be surprised to find he is in the summerhouse at the moment. It is sort of comforting for him to be there. I buried a very tiny pot of his ashes with his tog tags and his special necklace from me in our garden, next to his summerhouse and under his guardian angel ornament with a purple rose. I have a fifth of his mum and dad too to scatter which he wanted with him. That was weird mixing them together and then splitting them up five ways!! 

I miss him terribly but I have lots of him here and some gorgeous tanzanite jewellery which he kept adding to my collection so I feel that is my bit of Ric. 

If you want jewelry then do so, it is a tiny amount of ashes and they wouldn't really know anyway. It is quite tasteful looking jewellery and delicate. It is your choice. We all need different things. There is no right or wrong 

Take care.

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Agree there is not right or wrong, but maybe don't do anything to hasty or because you are thinking first of other people. He was yours too. So maybe hold off anything and mull it over for you and with others. 

My partner is on the window sill with a photo on top so a neighbour waves to him. He made his wishes known (being scattered in same place as his son) and his boys want a bit of him as a keepsake. But I am not going to hurry it. At the moment, I need him here and when the time is right I will arrange a small gathering to honour and mark it.  The photos and other mementos I have have more feeling to me than ashes.  

Thank you all for your thoughts and sharing your experiences.

I think I'll wait for a while & not be in so much of a hurry. whats the saying "act in haste repent at leisure" could find myself regretting something further down the line.

I've got to fetch him first as he's still at the funeral directors - probably causing mayhem on the shelf!