After end of chemo, lung cancer surged back and killed my lovely H, age 65. Early April. He was admitted to hospice 2 days before he died. Neither he nor I realised that the tummy swelling and ankle swelling and extreme sleepiness were signs of end of life. We thought the fatigue was just post chemo. Looking back...I don’t know why we didn’t clock it. I did realise this was a new phase but I did not understand that the changes would accelerate so very fast.
His last day conscious before dying was grumpy and odd. He was badly disturbed the following night and died the next day . Myself and our boys were there as closely as covid restrictions allowed. I feel endlessly worried about his distress that last night. I know he had not accepted he was about to die, on the previous day. Was he frightened? Obviously there’s nothing I can do about it, but how to come to terms with this worry ?
i tried asking the hospice for more information from doctors’ notes but there is no evidence in there that anyone comforted him
Grief is so overwhelming: I had no idea. I am trying to return to my technical lonely work but it’s too difficult to concentrate. I’d much prefer to be doing something easier and with other people around.
