After end of chemo, lung cancer surged back and killed my lovely H, age 65. Early April. He was admitted to hospice 2 days before he died. Neither he nor I realised that the tummy swelling and ankle swelling and extreme sleepiness were signs of end of life. We thought the fatigue was just post chemo. Looking back...I don’t know why we didn’t clock it. I did realise this was a new phase but I did not understand that the changes would accelerate so very fast.
His last day conscious before dying was grumpy and odd. He was badly disturbed the following night and died the next day . Myself and our boys were there as closely as covid restrictions allowed. I feel endlessly worried about his distress that last night. I know he had not accepted he was about to die, on the previous day. Was he frightened? Obviously there’s nothing I can do about it, but how to come to terms with this worry ?
i tried asking the hospice for more information from doctors’ notes but there is no evidence in there that anyone comforted him
Grief is so overwhelming: I had no idea. I am trying to return to my technical lonely work but it’s too difficult to concentrate. I’d much prefer to be doing something easier and with other people around.
Hi Ellie
you are so strong and keep going with all you have been through over the past years where do you find the energy from
fishing I have always found it peaceful and we did it together and she always caught the better fish lol
at least I know I’m not mad now I tell her when I’m having a bad day work too
take care
Martin x
Oh god Martin if your mad than so am i and a lot of other people on the group.
Said goodnight told him, David had been down put new roof on his shed, sorted out all the tools, and that our other son's dog died Thursday and hope they meet up where ever they are.
So i could be mad, it brings me comfort but i do not care what others may think, i told the kids i talk to him, what ever makes you happy was the reply.
I talk to him when i am doing his garden, but next door neighbor did shout over the fence who you talking to, my self i said with a smile.
Talk to Diane when your fishing she will be with you, there body may not be here but the soul is, and that is what makes a person.
I have done nothing today, the phone has not stopped, my friend phoned two and half hours later she went, then Tom's sister phoned, then son. Tomorrow will not go at all, everything seems to happen o the same day.
I am catching up with the tv i missed all week, as my son and i just talked
Do you have any other hobbies, i do reading which i have not done since he passed as had so much to do, cannot wait when all jobs are finished and sit in garden with feet up if only.
I often wonder if the shoe had been on the other foot how he would have coped.
He always said the house would be sold, he would buy a Winnie bagoo and travel Europe , mind you know one ever thought but the virus that taken over the world.
Take Care Ellie x
Hi Ellie
if all the family come and see that will be nice and your son did the big jobs for too
and you can chill in garden read your book a bit nippy out sitting out today tho
fishing has always been my hobby when Diane was alive we had the two dogs to keep me busy and look forward to are holidays every year
that is a interesting question how would they have coped the other way round never thought about that she always she is to say you have not made a will yet. But now I have sorted my estate out even thought about paying for my funeral now so the kids do not have to worry about it
have a good day
take care
Martin x
Hi there I’m new to this group I too lost my husband from small cell lung cancer in March it happened so quickly he went from working in October to diagnosis in November, it took hold so quickly then we went into lockdown so couldnt have the funeral we wanted , I just wanted to say if you need to talk I’m here , take care
Hi just say my hubby and i got our funerals bought and paid for a few years ago
We both picked our own coffins, how many cars and so on, when he passed it was so easy just took the plan in and that was it.
Only had to pick music, flowers and where to have food., we thought we could think about music but never got round to it.
We did it so when the time may come it would save our kids having to do it, and any arguments, one might want this and one might want that.We had what we wanted.
Take Care Ellie
Hi Ellie
I will sorted out next year sounds a better was of doing I spoke to the company the other day they if you pay for it they have to honour the price you paid even if it years later
for Diane I used our wedding music
and it is cold by the fishing lake
take care
Martin x
Hi Phyllis,
My husband's story was similar, discovered in September, diagnosed October and gone at the end of December. That was small cell lung cancer. It was so quick. They gave us hope of longer. I wish they had been truthful as we had no time to plan the things he wanted! Luckily we had the funeral before lockdown.
Welcome to the group.
Love and hugs Alison xxx
Very similar experience to ours, Phyllis. The speed of it is so difficult to come to terms with. Thanks for getting in touch. I tried to go back to work too quickly because I had a short term contract and I thought I should try to earn something before the end of the contract but it has proved too much. I left last week. Every time I do another bit of the estate admin I feel exhausted for the rest of the day. Are you the same ? I just do a bit at a time. But having walked away from the job I feel that I’ve completely gone to pieces. Can’t concentrate on anything.
Everyone says it takes time but I feel I’m stuck in a loop right now. ( 8 weeks on) .
Does this resonate ?
Morning,
It is difficult to concentrate, sleep pattern is terrible,making decision is very exhausting, I even went to take the dog for a walk the other day locked the back door, and looked down I didn't have any shoes on! Take care
Mandy xx
Whatever cancer throws your way, we’re right there with you.
We’re here to provide physical, financial and emotional support.
© Macmillan Cancer Support 2024 © Macmillan Cancer Support, registered charity in England and Wales (261017), Scotland (SC039907) and the Isle of Man (604). Also operating in Northern Ireland. A company limited by guarantee, registered in England and Wales company number 2400969. Isle of Man company number 4694F. Registered office: 3rd Floor, Bronze Building, The Forge, 105 Sumner Street, London, SE1 9HZ. VAT no: 668265007