Everything!

I don't see why those two women felt threatened by your late wife. It's not like you got divorced. You  can grieve for your wife but still look for love with someone else . Or maybe you just need a old fashioned friend?Don't agonize over it because nobody can replace your late wife.

If you meet someone else you need to press reset. In the meantime let's celibate our freedom. I like to take short breaks away on my motorbike for example. Whatever you do don't feel guilty,because you didn't choose this. I'm sure if Elizabeth were alive you would still be with,but you deserve to be happy.

Thank you.

Yes your so right..

She would have probably said something like , dont be so stupid dave.

However I have really tried to move on. I even learned to drive a motorbike from scratch to passing the IAMS test for the blood bikes. 

I just seem to attract people whom want to change me..and all I wanted was someone just to share what time I've got left.

When e died I poured my soul into doing all the things she wanted to do at home but could never afford to do. So now I have a lovely place but no one to share it with. The two previous candidates let's say, wanted me to sell! 

My trouble is one, I'm not a social mixer.its taken 6 yrs just to be able to come on this sight 

Two .I had 20yr with just e. She was mu best friend my everything so I never really had other friends.

Guess you could say I'm some what insituionised 

Lol. But hey thanks so much for replying. I do appreciate it..

I think new relationships can live in the shadow of old relationships especially if the parting was not desired. I think we the bereaved do not wish to let go of the other person completely and will bring that into subsequent relationships. I would imagine now it has happened to me that if I began to date a lady who was widowed the relationship would be very different if I dated a lady who wasn't widowed. 

It's one of those things you cannot even begin to understand if you have never experienced it. Carla and I had a conversation before she died and it went something like this..

Carla: "You will get over me won't you?"

Mick: "Err, you know I can't say, I don't think I ever will"

Carla: "No, You WILL get over me won't you!"

She said she would hate the idea of me moping around holding onto a dead person (she was very pragmatic and I think we the bereaved do need some kind of permission from our dead OH's.)

But if you are still quite devoted to your wife it could well cause problems for other people..

I'm in the early stages of grief (3 weeks today) but still cant see a time where I will feel different to this...I wish you well and hang on in there

Yes.i see what you mean.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

The first 3months is horrible but it does get a little easier. 

I think I have absorbed my late wife that yes I bring her into everything I do now.

I guess after 20yr you change and the other person rubs of on you whether you like it or not.

It's just over six months for me. I was happily married and I would do anything to be happy  again. However this lockdown has put everything on hold.At least it gives us time to think and plan for the future.No dating for me yet and I don't know how it works at my age ,59,

The one thing we do have is a positive attitude towards relationships which is quite different to some divorced people.

Hi,

I've been reading your posts with interest. I once read an article in a magazine that widowed people had better relationships with people who had also been widowed as they have a better understanding of what you've been through and how you feel about your late partner, so maybe there is some truth in that.

I am 6 months in and cannot begin to imagine being in a relationship with anyone else.....how could they compare?!

However at 55 the thought of being on my own for the rest of my life fills me with sadness.

Have a good day.

Ali x

Yes..

A positive attitude in a relationship is key.

I found both ex girlfriend's were so negative and had some huge hang ups .it all added for unnecessary complications.

I guess when you've been widowed you appreciate life as it was before your loss. They didnt want to die and you didnt want them to go. Well that's how i felt.

After 6yrs I still Grieve for my late wife.but not in an unhappy way..I find myself talking to her by my self in this empty house.. guess I've cracked! Lol

Finally gone nuts..!

Having been divorced prior to marrying  eliz i can see it from both sides.

However the isolation is all consuming. And made worse by this covid thing.

A few months before lockdown, i came back from glasgow after completing a job to two days later coming down with the virus .

Took me 4 weeks to get over it..not nice.never got admitted to hosp as breathing was ok. To be honest I wasnt caring.

So i was lucky in a way having 4 wks wiped off the lockdown with the distraction so to speak!

Funnily enough both ex's have touched base with me . All being nicey nice now, however I cannot help and wonder why they could not have before..

Anyway I live in hope that perhaps I might find someone to share life with that doesnt have some huge hang up just because I had a successful marrage to my late wife.

We all seem to be about the same age and I think for those of us whose sexuality is not at it's 'peak' anymore (obviously I speak only for myself here!!) would be looking for something different in any kind of possible, maybe future relationship.

While I'm OK with solitude for now, I regard myself a quite gregarious but I know how my moods swing from highs to lows and that was before they were swung down by Carla's death and in some ways does one wish to go out in the wide world and subject some poor unsuspecting person to the unstable world of the griever?

Yet even at this early stage I feel it would be a shame if I were alone well into my 60's (I'm 56) and of course there may be women out there who would like companionship etc...who equally see solitude as anathema..

Yep you've totally lost the plot! Don't worry though you're  in good company. I just spent 20 mins reading all my old text messages,mostly  trivial.stuff.

Hi Ali.

I totally get your position.

Your love for your departed will be so strong.

It will get easier in time , I can assure you of that.

Any future partner, that is right for you, will accept this with out question, your devoted love for your departed.

I guess if it helps , is to ask yourself what he would have wanted you to do? 

Xd