Going back to work??

good day sandra who knows when the time is right I actually went back week after funeral its so difficult sitting at home for me so I have work . It does help just rubbish coming home to a empty and still hurts me to this day ,maybe you could just ease yourself back in to work routine . Nothing can be the same again only what we make it . Wishing you clarity in these times of confusion. Virtual hugs x

Hi Sandra,

I went back 8 days after Ric died, then had a few days off for the funeral. I had done everything practical and I personally found it worse to be sat thinking with nothing to do. I was always busy before doing things for him and the family and working and I could only deal with it by being busy afterwards. 

I am still staying busy, it is about 19 weeks now. I just can't stop yet! I think this is why I am struggling with lockdown. I am not used to not going out and doing things. I have never been one to stay in. I have been grumpy all day,my children have commented. My son disagrees about lifting lockdown but if some things don't return soon I feel I will burst.

I think we are all very different and it partly depends what our jobs entail, who we meet in our work day and how supportive are colleagues are. 

Perhaps a phased return may be best. Take care and do what you feel is right.

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi Sandra

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It is hard going back to work but I think you need to be honest about when you feel ready to do it- it’s very individual. I went back 6 weeks after my husband passed, we couldn’t have the funeral for 3 weeks & then I needed some head space , although I’m part time, I went back on phased return too, mornings only first couple of weeks. 
How you feel about work may also change- some feel they want to leave & persue other things. Before I became a widow, I really felt working was a bit of  an inconvenience & was something I endured! Now I’m quite glad of the routine, my work colleagues are lovely & were very supportive when I first went back.  I’m glad I didn’t leave. 
Do what feels right for you- you might find that phased return gives you the chance to test the waters. No one can or should expect you to just pick up where you left off. Its a strange time right now & everyone will be new to these changes in working, so you won’t be ‘behind’ in learning all these changes either. 

big hugs to you 

Sarah xx

Colin has 4 sons aged 35, 33, 31 and 25. The 31 year old has been living with us about 18months now but will be moving back to his own home in the next week I believe.  They are all good lads and we both brought them up for the last 21ish years but 1 by 1 they've all moved out to make their own homes and families.  They are all quite deep and keep their emotions to themselves except the youngest who much closer to me, the child I never had!! I know routine is good and I should 'feel the fear and do it anyway'  

My sick note runs out end of next week so I think I will aim to go back after then, then have a weeks holiday maybe?

Thank you all for you replies x

Hi Sandra,

I went back 7 weeks after Mark passed away, had Christmas in that period too. I work for Tesco and they were fab, no pressure to go back but I felt I needed the routine. I went back on phased return but after a week I just did my normal hours (I only do 2 days a week).

It really is an individual thing, only you know how you feel, not a right or wrong time. You can get a sick note from your doctor if you don't feel up to it but in my personal experience it is good to feel "normal" for a few hours and chat to customers who have no idea so don't treat you any differently.

Hope you manage to come to a decision, it is not easy.

Ali x

My wife Nancy also passed away on 5th April my sick note runs out next week I'm hoping I can find the strength to go back in I'm hoping it will help me carry on I'm 48 and was a confident person but I'm also very nervous and scared and yes I don't know what of I'm going to go into work and see my work colleagues hopefully get some emotions out the way but even that scares me the manager has told me I can work shorter  or less days and hopefully I will sort that out when I go in with this lock down I haven't spoken to a lot of people and the odd one that I have I find it hard I'm a postman I deliver to a lot of lovely people and I'm dreading seeing them and I don't know why 

Hi, 

Sorry to here about your wife, sadly my husband passed away on 20th of March and I have just started back to work but just part time at the moment, and I don’t have to answer the phone at the moment. I will start slowly with the phones. The only positive thing I can say to you is it does help me because I’m in a bit more of a routine. All the best x

I think you should give it a go, obviously with the caveat that you may well find yourself a bit fragile, my partner died on the 5th May just over a week ago and I hosted my first language lesson on zoom since she died yesterday. I made a stipulation to my students that no one was to ask me how I was until the end, we had a good lesson and I got through and hour and a half with a good bunch of Italian, English learners.

However after the lesson they were keen to ask if I was OK and the little Q & A  session degenerated into an embarrassing bit of sobbing on my part but even worse 5 of my students started which made me worse! So I ended the session quickly!

I know my partner would be encouraging me to 'get back on the horse' so again, I would suggest you give it a go and I'm sure it will help immensely..

Aww mccmcc, how brave of you to do that 'visible' lesson. It was a good thing to ask them to wait till the end of the session. It's so soon after your partners passing. I don't think any of us will ever truly ok again!

You're right, I should give it a go - so I went to see my manager today and had the conversation of 'when - if- do I want to come back to work. I know I need to go back for my own sanity, we do laugh at work but are usually so overworked just end up stressed! Not at the moment though lol!! Staff are furloughed and customer numbers are limited. So here's the plan.. I take next week as 'holiday' (don't tell myself I'm off sick) then go in the week after 3x 4hr shifts and if I want to run and hide I can. Maybe I might reduce my hours in time, I normally do 22.5hrs over 3 days. Let's see x

Hi Sandra,

I think it's really good that you've been into work, broken the ice and made a plan. 

I know going to work has kept me sane over the last couple of months and gives a bit of structure to my week. Hopefully it will be the same for you.

Ali x