My wife had got through 2 rounds of chemo and then was killed by Covid 19

Hi Tom

I am so sorry for the loss of your Mandy,am sure as you can see on here we all know what you are going through in this terrible time made even worse if that can be by Covid,it is extremely early days for you,I lost my husband 17 weeks ago & it still feels very surreal.Please take your time with everything and be kind to yourself.I know when i was sorting out Micky's eulogy I wanted to get it just right and contacted my celebrant numerous times to add bits in,on the day it went so well and she managed to capture the whole essence of my husband which am sure your celebrant will do too.It is an awful lonely time for us all who have lost our loved one's but this forum is such a good source of support as people on here have such a deeper understanding of grief & loss of spouses & partners so please shout up anytime when you need to talk.

Laura x   

Tommyg01 - Shocking and really sorry. No words. Keep breathing. 

Hi Alison,

I was with her, although she wasn't really there unfortunately, but I kept talking to her whilst holding her hand, until she slipped away. I am sorry for you loss Alison and I can feel for you as a nurse in these very difficult times. The celebrant has suggested a free memorial service in the future, when the world returns to normal. Hopefully another occasion occurs soon for you to scatter Ric's ashes.

Take care

Tom, x

Hi Laura,

Yes I have had some lovely comments and advice on here so far. I am sorry for your loss Laura regarding your husband. I left the eulogy for tonight, as I had a bad night's sleep last night, thinking over what I have typed so far. I promise I will shout again, when I need to talk.

Tom, x

Thank you Tom. 

I think I will bury the small pot of ashes with his special necklace and dog tags in our garden as planned this weekend. It will be partly right. I have found a purple rose bush to plant and his garden guardian angel to put over the top of them. I think he would understand. 

I am working with cancer patients all the time for the moment and whilst I thought it would be upsetting I have decided I gave a lot to give them..I am enjoying doing my best for them and supporting.them whilst they are not allowed visitors.

I am so glad you were with your wife. I think it is important for both of you. It is not a nice thing to see but she would have appreciated it. 

Take care. I hope your plans go as well as they can.

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi Alison,

I am sure Ric will be more than happy with your plans for this weekend regarding his ashes as it sounds like you have put a lot of thought in to it. It's a wonderful job you are doing Alison at the Nuffield and you deserve a lot of thanks from the families who can no longer visit. 

Take care Alison

Tom x

Hi Tom,

Thank you. I did bury some of Ric's ashes today. I feel happier I feel happier that I have done something for him now, he would like to be free.  have put loads of thought into it. The rest will be scattered at Bovington where he spent his teen years and trained as a tank driver. I have some of his parents to put there with him..

I have also cleaned his beloved summerhouse and spent s while chatting to him. 

Thank you I have always hoped to give all patients my all. I don't need thanks, it is enough for me if I can make a patient smile and offer a compassionate and caring approach and a few kind words. We had a compliment from one of the surgeons yesterday who said we were a lovely bunch of staff and the patients had said that we had given them a good experience.

I hope you are nearly out of isolation and can have your lovely Mandy's cardigan and belongings now. I packed away the last few special items of Ric's today that I had boxed up and couldn't face. I have a few things out now, it was too painful before. I only had photos before but have some trinkets and things now. I miss him so much and would love a chat and reassurance from him. 

Take care Alison xxx

Hi Alison,

I am pleased for you that you managed to do what you wanted for Ric today and the idea of the rest of his ashes being scattered at Bovington will no doubt please him too. I thought of Mandy this evening and had a chat to her, can't believe it's been a week already. I understand when you say you don't want thanks, but it's a job where people saying thank you should be automatic. Mandy had some lovely nurses who really took the time to sit and chat with her when I wasn't there and especially last Thursday when visiting was stopped. I decided to open her hospital bags and start washing her clothes this afternoon and I found the list of possesions form signed by her favourite nurse Charlie. She would have been so pleased that she packed up all her stuff, it must have been very difficult for her as they use to have such long chats when it was possible. 

That's good that one of the surgeons praised you and your staff, I am sure it was well deserved. Yes Mandy's cardigan is fully dried now and ready to be collected on Monday with the rest of her outfit. Well done for dealing with the rest of Ric's stuff today and putting a few of his things out. I know what you mean though about having a chat and some reassurance, a cuddle would be nice too. Sadly because Mandy's spleen was so enlarged for the last few months, it was very hard to cuddle her without hurting her. 

Goodnight Alison..

Tom, x 

Hi Tom,

I am sure Mandy is watching over you and very proud of what you are managing to do for her still.

I am pleased she had some caring nurses to help her too.

I think I will always miss his chats and hugs. He would have had plenty to say about this situation! And we would have disagreed for certain!! Lol.

I don't think it gets easier but we slowly rebuild our lives. Something will trigger tears for a long time to come, maybe forever. You are still.in early days.

I sadly heard that one of Ric's old army friends had lost his battle against Corona virus yesterday. There were a few posts on the regimental site remembering all members who had passed in the last year as it would have ndbeen reunion weekend and it was nice to see him remembered by others too. 

Sending you a big virtual hug

Alison xxx

Hi Alison,

I hope Mandy is watching down on me, other wise I am just chatting away to myself. 

What a shame that one of Ric's old army friends has also passed, I expect the number of deaths is going to increase for a while to come yet. Too many young families around here are out and about enjoying the sunshine, still.

A big virtual hug back to you.

Tom xxx