My wife had got through 2 rounds of chemo and then was killed by Covid 19

Hi Tom

Every one deals differently on this journey do not rush into anything until you are ready, its so early for you.

My hubby was in hospital for 6 weeks when he came home he laid his hat down, and that is where it still is he will have been gone 6 months this week. Every time the song comes on where ever i lay my hat is my home and it was his home.

We are all so different some people deal with possessions quiet quickly others take as long as they need, there is no rule on this.When next week you will have some support from your sister, we all need holding up during this time.

Every one is always here for you, we are all in the same situation, it is not one anyone would wish on anybody.

Ellie xx   

Thanks Ellie, I did feel bad when I thought about putting her stuff away, but I haven't touched anything so far. I can touch her bags from the hospital tomorrow, although I was hoping my sister could do it. They had to be double bagged and not opened for 5 days because of Covid. I want to take a wrap around cardigan out of one of the bags and wash it, so the funeral home can have it next week to cover her in the coffin as she loved to sleep on the settee with it over her. Just thinking about opening them bags tomorrow is filling me with dread, but it has to be done. Yes it's very early in the process form me, not even a week since she passed. I expect I will be posting on here a lot as it's not something I have ever had to deal with before.

Many thanks, Tom, x 

Yes there will be a lot of things that will fill you with dread. I became like a robot at the beginning of my journey i had a job to do, and it was the last thing i would and could do for him, and i had to do it the way i wanted.

You will get support here and only people that truly understand all the different emotions you will go threw.

Even my grown up children do not really understand even though it was their dad.

We where two for a long long time, the other half of you, but this group got me threw when at times i thought i was going a bit crazy.

I am glad you will use the group, even if just to get anything out of your system.

Take Care

Elliex 

Hi Tom

there are no words are there. 11 weeks today since I lost my darling Bob and everything is exactly where it was when he died. Glasses and watch by the bed etc etc and it will be a very very long time before I will even be able to consider moving anything it would feel like I was wiping out his life but like grieving everyone deals with it differently. I can’t even remember the first few weeks they were just a blur through weeping and wailing but don’t try and rush things you have all the time in the world so make sure you get it right or you will have a lot of time to regret things. Wish I could say it will get easier but at this point in time in my life it feels as raw as it was 11 weeks ago. Basically it’s shit!

keep talking and sharing on this site as we are all going through the same at different stages of this grieving process.

take care and thoughts go out to you

Sheila x

Hi Tom,

Welcome to the group nobody wants to be in. I am so sorry for your loss, it's such early days for you and the shock and disbelief will still be there.

Please don't hurry to do anything, you just take your time and do what you feel ready to do each day. I did get rid of a bag of my hubby's things early on but after 4 months his hospital bag remains untouched. I don't feel ready to go through the things he wore on his last days but I can't throw them in the bin either, so I will tackle them one day when I am feeling stronger.

I'm afraid you will be up and down for sometime yet but keep posting on here as it helps you realise you are not alone nor going mad.

Ali x

I'm sorry to hear about your wife. This time is really critical for you as you've lost your other half. And now you've to stay away from other people too when you need mental support the most, it is really not fair for you. I can feel the pain you're going through. I hope you can find some support over this community that can be helpful for you to cope up with the loss.

Take care of yourself, best wishes!

Hi Sheila,

Sorry for your loss of Bob. 11 weeks seems like a lifetime away at the moment. You did give me a good idea though, as this morning looking around our bedroom, I spotted 3 soft toys that we took on holiday with us if we went somewhere new (my Mandy was 67, but still a big kid at heart). So they can go with her on her final journey and by her bedside she has a framed photo of a selfie I took of us in Jersey on our 10th anniversary, a friend of her's she called sis, added a caption to that affect across the top. I think that this should also go with her and I was going to take a photo of it as a keepsake, but I will get it reprinted and put it back in the frame, so that it can continue to stay by her bedside.

Tom x

Hi Ali,

Sorry for the loss of your hubby. I had no plans to go in to her hospital bags at the moment either, but I really want this cardigan to cover her. I will do it this evening, get it washed and then put with her other clothes for the funeral director to collect. I no there is no rush to do things, but time is something I just have to much of at the moment. 

Tom x

Hi Iyana, 

I wasn't sure if I should have posted on here and waited a few days to do it, but I have had some sensible advice and some lovely comments, so I am very pleased I did. I am also trying to get the eulogy for the celebrant typed up and that is taking it's toll, but I desperately want to get it all correct. So I keep taking breaks and coming back to it.

Tom x

Hi Tom,

I am so sorry for your sad loss. I am sure it has been made a lot harder for you. I so hope you were with her. I am a nurse, fortunately at the moment as I work at the Nuffield I am working with non covoid patients and we are doing emergency surgery. This is hard because most of them are for cancer. I am finding it personally hard.

I lost my husband on 28 Dec from lung cancer. He died suddenly and the post mortem has required an inquest, not until 25 may. I have still not managed to write the statement I have to you yet! I have partly been slightly relieved that he didn't have to risk the virus'! He had two lots of chemo and it was not nice to watch him suffer! 

I had a blip last week, the nurse in me and the wife in me, crying uncontrollably because people are now dying alone. My husband was alone as it was sudden and it all come tumbling back and I couldn't leave someone alone!

I feel for you with the funeral. It must be very difficult. If you have your lovely wife cremated perhaps you can have a proper service later for her if you decide to scatter her. Little compensation at this time I know.

I was intending to scatter Ric this weekend as it was to be his regimental reunion but it has all had to be postponed. I am not sure what I will do now instead. 

I really feel for you, try and take care of yourself and stay safe. Keep posting, it has kept me sane.

Love and hugs

Alison xxx