Overwhelmed again

Hi All,

It is 11 weeks today!! Sometimes it feels longer and sometimes shorter! 

When you think things are better then they aren't again!

Feeling rough today, start of a cold. Feel really tired. 

I have had a letter regarding his rent that I don't owe but despite the British legion it seems they are going to harass me! So that is another letter to write. Don't really have fight in me at the moment! But I am not paying it as the debt dies with him and they are claiming arrears that were not there! 

I have to write for the coroner and inquest. That I keep putting off! I feel that I am having to defend him for having cancer! I also think they will take little notice of me anyway! I just want it all to go away and be finalised to be honest! I just can't move forward with these silly little things hanging. Part of me wants to say it doesn't matter, I knew him best and it is just them summising and I would like to refuse to write a statement but part of me feels that I want to defend him. I guess I have to legally do it! Not sure how long can I put it off! I have made notes! Maybe I will do it Monday before work as I have a late start. 

I tackled the shops this morning. It took all my energy. I am sat here now drinking tea, feel shite and no go! Chores to do but staring at the telly and wanting to cry. I would love one of his hugs and cuppas but it won't happen. 

Xxx

Everything we are each going through, we are all going through in some way or another. The trips we used to do together such as shopping, visiting family or friends, for an evening out or trip to the beach or countryside, all gone and can never be replaced.

Even those things we used to do on our own are difficult. For me it's going to support my local non league club. I used to go with my pals and it was an escape from all my Angel Belles illness and stress of life and work. Loved it but now I've only been twice since she passed. She would follow the game at home and text me when we scored, I would text her back  " I know I'm here watching it lol" and other scores. Last time I was at a game and we scored I reached for my phone expecting a text and my mate put his arm around as he knew what I was looking for but will never arrive, her text.

Once home I would tell her all about the game, she grew to love football through me, if I hadn't and you many beers and could remember it. But know that's all gone. I really want to go back and enjoy it but I feel that even though she never came with me she was still there.

Hi we all feel your pain we are all in the club of loneliness not knowing what to do doing shopping housework anything takes twice as along or I just give up drink tea like you watch crap tv if cook don’t always eat it 

the debt dieing with you please go to citizens advice like I did it’s complicated 

martin x

Ric was a veteran, the British legion have dealt with it and confirmed it Martin. We lived apart because if PTSD and he was a single Tennant with no guarantor. I will reply to this letter only but they have told me I can have them for haressment! 

Just a down day! But I am watching crap TV! Lol xxx

Hi that’s good they have help you  try and go the letter over and done with then will the legion help you write it 

I have had a week of down days  went to work show a brave face if I could  this eats me from inside out. did the shopping in morning then went fishing so I’m not at home  

I sit and watch black and white films we use r sit and watch some of the soaps together I can’t these days the tv is like as noise to  keep you sane sometimes 

martin x

Hi everyone,

Weekends are the worse aren't they? I've just been for afternoon tea with a group of work friends. I didn't really want to go but know everyone is fed up of me refusing so went along and was ok.

Home now, the kitchen needs cleaning and I need to put a wash on. Generally my house is a tip and I used to be so houseproud but instead of tackling it i have put my pj's on, made a cuppa and now sat on sofa with blanket for comfort. I am very close to tears but trying to hold them in. This is it now until I go to bed.

Ali x

Hi Ali 

yes they are  I use to be same shopping housework on a Saturday when she was work I going shopping on Saturday again I was doing it on a Friday night to avoid people but a do washing on a Friday nite after I decide what takeaway to have then don’t fancy eating it  

it knocks the stuffing out of you people say it will get better  and to me they say don’t you own a razor anymore must do that later   And Remember to eat       the housework will wait for for another day 

martin x

Hi Ali, 

I know that feeling as many others on here. I went for haircut this morning. Was supposed to have colour but didn't bother. Decided to have hair cut only. Got the first bus home, when I finished and just like you, I am on the sofa covered in blanket and staring at the phone and there would be things arround the house that need doing, but they can wait. Can't they? Just don't know, how to get out of this vicious circle.

Take care and enjoy the cuppa and the comfort of the blanket. 

Love

Andrea xxx

Wow that’s so spooky I’ve had the exact same thing I also have always gone to local team on a Saturday and like you she would be at home and text me when a goal went in then listen to me telling her how bad the ref was when I got home. I would ring when on my way home and she’d have a nice cup of tea waiting for me and dinner would be on. Just not the same now, I go because I think it makes my mates feel better that they've got me out but I don’t enjoy it. Life is so different now and can’t see a point where I’m ever going to enjoy myself.

Hi only 7 weeks for me and so true, what I’d give for one of her cuddles, so hard to find a purpose it all seems so pointless now.