JUST LOST MY DARLING HUSBAND SO YOUNG

I am so sorry for your loss.  I am afraid you have to work through the pain in order to get through the grief.  It is hard, but there are no shortcuts.  Best advice is don’t expect too much of yourself, be kind to yourself, sleep when you can, eat little and often.  I am sure others can give you better advice, but for now, just put one foot in front of the other and take care of you. Take one day at a time. Xx

Im so sorry for your loss, it will bring you comfort that you were with him and he died where he wanted to be. I am glad you have the support of your family and you are right the times we are alone are very difficult.

I commend you for writing your husband's eulogy, I am sure you will get your thoughts and memories onto paper so you can do him proud, I couldn't, but our 21 year old daughter did stand to speak about her Dad. I couldn't do that either. 

Please be kind to yourself, this journey isn't one any of us wanted.

I'm sorry for your loss it is hell as we all know but talking on this site does help as you will always get an answer also everyone is going through the same pain

I am sorry for your loss its early days for you and every one here knows what you are going threw.

You will get great support here and we all try and cope in our own way what ever they may be.

I just say every night tomorrow is another day and its one day at a time.

People here understand as there are so many different emotions that appear from no where at times i thought i going mad, but found from the site its all part of it.

Please take a little comfort knowing that you are not alone and what ever  grief.you are feeling is normal

Take Care Ellie xx

"You Never Walk A Lone"

Dear Sheilaj,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I, like all of us here, understand the pain you are going through right now. And I am glad you have found and joined this forum as you have found people here who have gone and are going through a similar experience and know the pain of loss when the partner dies from this horrible disease that cancer is. Hopefully you will find it helpful to read the posts from other members here and share your own thoughts and feelings with us knowing that we are all here to listen and to share.

I lost my husband (who was 68) on 15th March 2018 to advanced prostate cancer.

I am afraid there is no quick way through this. The only way to work through this pain is to go through it, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Try and be kind to yourself: try and eat a little, try and get rest and sleep, reach out to family and friends and to this group as you have already done. Over time, it will become slightly easier to live with and manage the pain, even though the pain may never go away. Be kind and patient with yourself.

I hope you will gain some comfort from knowing that your husband needed to go as he was so very ill and that you were with him all along and in his final moments that he was lucky to spend not only with you but also where he wanted to die, at home with you and in his own bed.

Love and hugs, Mel.

Dear Sheilaj,

I am so sorry for your loss and the pain that you are going through, its is excruciating! It is very early days for you and you will have such mixed and uncontrollable emotions. 

I too struggled with my husband's eulogy, I simply couldn't think of any happy memories at all. (He died on 28th November 2019 aged 56) I found that they came to me at 5am so I picked up a scrap of paper and scribbled them down, then went through them again the next day with my children.

You will get there, we all do, we have no choice.

Please take care, cry and sleep when you need to. Don't keep it all bottled up.

I went to my first group counselling session today, there were 24 of us and believe me we are all experiencing the same ups and downs of grief.

Sending love and hugs. Ali x

Hi Ali,

thank you for this like you I keep thinking of things and writing eulogy bit at a time I could talk forever about him so it’s cutting it down that is hard. I plan on going to counselling sessions and started reading a self help book but I’m all over the place and burst out crying all the time but I understand it is grief! 

thanks once again for replying

love Sheila x

Hi Ruby

thank you for replying to me think talking is helping but my emotions are all over the place if I’m not sobbing I feel guilty for not sobbing. If I eat I feel guilty for eating I’m just struggling really.

im also scared about managing on my own

Many thanks

sheila

Hi Sheilaj

You will  managed on your own i did not think i would.

I have been really put to the test with everything breaking, also i have never done anything to do with anything financial, from old school  hubby did all that every thing was in his name, but we did have joint bank accounts.

Well its four months now since he passed and last week i completed the last hurdle i got buildings insurance first time ever but i have done it.

I fill for you i know its hard and do not know which way to turn but you will get there.

Take Care Ellie xx

"You Never Walk A Lone"

Hi Sheila

I lost my husband in September 2019, after a long battle with oesophageal cancer, which had spread to his bones, he was very much in agony for the six months leading up to his death. He was 56. 

I wanted to reply to you, because like you, when my husband died, I was so terrified of managing on my own. The fear would come over me in waves. 4 months on I feel so much more in control. I kept pointing out to myself that although my husband had done so much for us when he was well, for months before his death I had to look after the both of us. 

Since he died, so many practical things have gone wrong in the house (my sister thinks he is showing me I can manage ) and one way or another I have dealt with them. It has not been easy and I cry often and miss him so much, but I think he would want me to keep going and live the best life I can. 

I like you also found his eulogy difficult, how do you boil down a lifetime into a few words, but in the end you do get some essence down on paper and In the end that is all you can do  

Sending you the best of wishes 

take care and be kind to yourself xx