My husband died last week

That is exactly what happened to my husband told it was muscle strain 3 times by the doctor we had to insist on investigations bloods and urine came back clear. Ultrasound picked up lump. CT scan brought the devastating diagnosis Pancreatic cancer which had already spread to bile ducts liver and lymph nodes. He went in on the 1st November to have stents fitted to drain bile which failed. He never cane out either. So very shocking. Thank you for sharing your husband's story. X

Dear Georgeharry my wife passed 4 months today, she seemed ok last Christmas, but had a stroke and heart attack which later we learnt was due to blood clots from the tumour.

Like you it turned out to be Pancreatic she had liver pain later which was due to secondaries, I nursed her totally from discovering leisions in the liver to finding the cause at a CT scan which was pancreatic. It was devastating to be told it was terminal and nothing could be done.

I feel we were lucky to manage about three and a half months, we went straight on a far away holiday and she was still mobile so we did many things and made many memories. A month later she was struggling to get around and we used a travel wheelchair but carried on travelling and doing everything possible.

Slowly she became more reliant on me for almost everything, till I could no longer manage She kept her appetite throughout, but became weaker and thinner as it took hold. We flew home from our final adventure that day and she died at home the following day.

Cancer is so indescriminate I feel we made the most of our situation and feel so fortunate that we had those last few months together in relative good health considering the outcome.

It seems pancreatic is amongst the worst the fastest and the most aggressive, I hear do many having it these days.

My heart felt wishes go out to everyone on here, apologies for repeating this in part as I've mentioned it before.

It gives me some comfort to tell the story I only wish I never had to.

Love to all.

Gary.

Thank you Gary for sharing your story ....I really feel I've missed out on spending time with Colin because he was taken so very quickly so much left undone....it's a truly dreadful disease ...Linda x

I agree with what others have said. There’s no right way and everyone has an individual response. Like you I was a bit worried I wasn’t ‘doing it right’ at first. I didn’t cry very much and everyone thought I was ‘amazing’ and ‘strong’. Now 10 weeks in I feel very different ( worse I’m afraid) but this forum has been an invaluable source of support so I hope you find it helpful too.

PS I think disbelief sums it up perfectly 

Yes its totally unbelievable everyone who talks to me says how shocked they are at the speed of it and how fit and healthy he was just weeks before. Sending love to you....we have this horrid thing in common x

I remember feeling just numb at the moment my husband died. He was here at home and I was holding his hand when he took his final breaths. I remember turning to the district nurse who happened to be here (thank God) when he died, and just looked at her in disbelief and said, "Is that it?" I didn't know what to feel or what to do. Suddenly, there were people around - the district nurses, the doctor, and, finally, the undertaker. It still seems like a horrible dream 14 months later. Like you, I felt so odd at first. We were lucky, we had almost a year to come to terms with the fact that he was going to die. But even having all that time and being together 24/7, holding onto each other and comforting each other, and, yes, laughing and remembering, it was still a shock. Even a year later, it seemed unreal. Even now, it seems unreal. It's been 14 months...

I'm glad you found this forum, too. It has been incredibly helpful, even though I tend to lurk more than post. But we all need each other - if for nothing else than to have someone listening who totally "gets it." 

Sending you gentle hugs. You are in shock. Don't be afraid to speak to your GP if you feel you need any sort of help with the psychological side of grief. 

Martha

Hello,

I am so very sorry to hear of your recent loss and I imagine it must be particularly difficult because it happened so suddenly and you had no time to prepare yourself at all. Well, you can't really prepare yourself anyway can you but I mean it was just so sudden that you didn't have time to even process the diagnosis before the death occured.

Please be kind to yourself and draw in any support you can. This is a wonderful group of people who are going through a very similar situation, and you will always find people here to listen.

Love, Mel.

Linda, we didn't get a proper diagnosis till April, so we just thought she had a stroke which she recovered from.

She died at the end of July so we managed three and s half months, I gave her CBD oil daily which kept her appetite, reduced pain slowed the Cancer slightly, I'm sure, and allowed her to sleep at least part of every night.

She never wanted to go to s hospice hence we set off to do our adventures, I feel so sorry for those who don't get the time to do anything as it progresses so fast.

As for most of our long time together, I did everything for her as we had both done for each other over 50 years our lives were so intertwined in every way I don't think I will ever get over the loss.  It's a sad and cruel burden we all share.

I miss her so much as everyone here seems to mirror. I even miss looking after her as I would have done do for the rest of her life if needed.

Gary.

Softly the leaves of memories fall gently we gather and treasure them all.

Dear Georgeharry,

Like everyone else, I'm sorry you had to join this forum. Don't pressure yourself into thinking you should be feeling or acting one way or the other. You're in shock.  The shock is a protective mechanism, as someone else said. Give yourself all the time you need. I wish there were words of wisdom or comfort to give you but there aren't. I'm sure your children will provide all the support and love you need. I'm sending you my love too. Being here helps. Just knowing everyone on the forum understands and feels exactly what you're going through makes all the difference. Post when you feel the need. 

Cancer is insiduous. When my husband was diagnosed, he observed that he'd never felt healthier. It makes no sense.