Sleep

Hi Akela

well I got through Bobs birthday but it hit me harder than I even imagined I sobbed and sobbed. Got him a card and a rose but the grief was as raw as the day he died. My friends threw him a party so I did have to pull myself together paint on a smile and go out and actually glad I did as it was nice and my friend stayed the night with me which actually I didn’t think I wanted but again I think bob sent her to help me out.

Today so far has been a bit easier and I’ve done some jobs that I’ve never had to do before such as fish pond filter, pruning some roses and tying them up so proud of myself for that.

exhaused now but I do find grieving is exhausting 

sheila

Well done Shelia. You can do this. 

I am exhausted at the moment! First week off now since Ric passed! I only took three days compassionate leave and I do need some time now.

Take care xxx

Wow I’m not surprised you are exhausted. This grieving process drains every ounce of your being doesn’t it.

sheila

Hi All,

I am also awake during the early hours. I get cold and end up putting Mark's jumper on which I keep between our pillows, sometimes to hug, sometimes to wear and sometimes just to mop up the tears.

I have never felt him near and it makes me really sad, I can't believe he'd abandon me after all these years. I've even shouted "where the hell are you" into the night. He told me that when I found another chap he would be watching to make sure he was a good one, I always replied I don't want anyone else, I just want you! But I'm not sure he is watching.

Ali x

I feel like you Ali, just one little sign would be nice. He told me he didn't want to die because he loved me so and would miss me so much. I do believe in spirits but perhaps he has just found his way and is at peace. Just one little sign would be great! I just hope he can see me xxx

I fee like Bob is watching over me and seems to send something in my darkest hours be it one of my children calling in on me unannounced when I’m struggling most. Something financial will happen when I’m struggling most. I can feel his presence when I ask him foe help. I feel him looking down on me when I’m lying in bed sobbing I also constantly ask him for a sign but my favourite thing to say to him is “please come back” 

sheila

Thinking of you today on Ric’s Birthday. It will be very tough but just go with the tears and sobbing what else can you do but you will get through it as you have done every day since you lost him. It’s the first of many firsts. Think of him and love him. Happy heavenly birthday Ric x

Sheila

Another week of disrupted sleep including no sleep at all on Friday.

Was working late last night went to bed around 12 and the bed was freezing cold. Broke down as don't like the bed cold. It was always warm with Belle in it but now always cold. I grabbed her small cushion she liked and hugged it tightly and fell straight to sleep. Maybe this cushion is now my comfort blanket and I'm going to try that instead of sleeping pills.

Unlike most of you I do not feel her presence or feel that she is near me. I think she is with her daughter trying to ease her pain and keep an eye on her because she is single and seems to be trying to find a guy to replace the love that she has lost, which worries me. I did feel something about 3 months ago when I felt she was in the bedroom with me but nothing since.

A cold bed bothered me, my mum suggested a new mattress topper, electric blanket and my favourite photo. I now get off to sleep easily. I just wake at 3 but recently I have made an extra hour or two 

Worth a try x

Hi Ali and Akela,

For months and months, I begged my husband to send me a sign. I saw and felt absolutely nothing. I was so distraught and thought that he'd forgotten me or didn't care. What I believe to be signs came much later. Perhaps I was so caught up in my pain that I wasn't receptive enough. It was his brother, a great believer in nothing, who got a strange phone call and my sister, also on the phone, who got the first signs. Who knows how these things work. What did happen was that a robin attended the funeral from beginning to end and came back a week later when I returned to the cemetery with my sister and brother-in-law. Maybe when we die, we have things to do on the other side and we can't come right away. I do hope you both get signs and that you'll be comforted by them.