Does anyone else feel similar to me after the initial loss of a loved one?

Yes I just feel like I'm just treading water nothing matters just waiting for the call really

You understand Newb

Love and Light 

Geoff

I know exactly what you mean. I feel like I'm just going through the motions. Log has no meaning now.

Hi Jeff,

I could have written your post as it is exactly how I feel, a lot of the time anyway. I could take one of your sentence and change it into my name and say, "The old Mel has gone. As if the old Mel passed away along with her beloved soul mate Paul. The new Mel isn't unhappy or even happy, she just IS." That resonates so much with me.

It was only last night that I was lying in bed, feeling quite all right actually listening to my audio book and waiting to go to sleep, when all of a sudden I thought of today which is my first day at a different therapy clinic, and I felt this kind of anxiety or fear paired with some hopelessness or lost feeling grip me, and all I could think was, "Why am I doing this and what is it leading to?" I just can't imagine that this is going to be my future because I have no feeling for it - no like or dislike, no excitement, no fear of it... As you say: it just is what it is and I will go there today because somehow things will have to go on. But the reason for choosing the new clinic was mainly of a fninancial nature because the rent in the old place was becoming too high.

These days, I am thinking of Paul more than normal and I really miss him.

Love, Mel.

Hi Mel I look at my wife's picture every day and think why no tears nothing I say good morning to her never get a reply I go home after work a speak to her in the car nothing as if she has gone from me altogether I feel nothing at work or at home as you say I exist that's all even when I go to oncologists for my reports they mean nothing I miss my wife incredibly but just lately nothing but day to day plodding waiting for my turn

Like Mel said , that could be me. Just change the name. 

Mike 

Hi Mel and all.

It seems then that I'm not alone with these feelings. It's clear we've all had taken away from us the TRUE reason we lived our lives.The very reason that made our lives purposeful. Now we are left with a vast vacuum  in our current existance can never be filled. So we plod on like soldier ants going from one task and one experience to another. My darling passed from pancreatic cancer.  And despite all the optimistic talk from her oncologist and his registrar we knew from statistics they were just  'Doing their job.'  Anne said from the start she wouldnt be able to go through major surgery and aggressive  chemo at her age ( 71) She already had Lupus, an immune system disorder thats life threatening in itself. Her treatment for Non Hodgkins Lymphoma cancer 19yrs ago nearly killed her but was luckily cured in the end. Anne wasnt prepared for that trauma again so in her words that brave lady of mine told the oncologist surgeon " I've had my three score years and ten. Let nature take its course." She survived another 14 months despite their prediction of 6- 12 months. So what am I leading up to? It's simply this. I've told my children if I ever contract cancer I'm taking the same path as their brave mum did.  I'm pushing 74. National statistics say that any man who hasn't had a major illness in their life can expect to live to 84. ( Slightly longer for women.) So what would be the point of seeking a cure? How much extra life would that give me? And importantly, what would the  quality of life be for this old man?  I've since wondered why people in their 80's seek to be cured of cancer? But hey!  We are all different.

Love and Light.

Geoff.

Hi Geoff I totally agree with you I have prostate cancer if I'm told the treatment didn't get it all that is what they will be told let nature take its course  I have no real reason to carry on in this world and would prefer quality of life to quantity 

Hi Newb my good friend

If your prognosis doesn't seem good I truly admire your COURAGE.  It must be an unnerving decision to make, yet one I'm prepared to make if it comes to it. And certainly one  my brave lady wife made. I'm proud to know you mate.

Love and Light

Geoff.

My name fits there too.