Grieving. Its just suddenly got worse after two months + Has anyone else experienced this?

Thank you for your kind words  Geoff,I was always such a confidence person before I lost Alan,now whatever I say or do I doubt myself wondering if it’s right,or have I said the right thing.We were married for 52yrs, and even tho Alan always said I was the most confident I think I must have got it from him as I’m totally lost now.Heres hoping yourself and everyone else can get a decent nights sleep and a better day tomorrow......Val

Hi Crewcut

I agree you are walking a devestating path. Your post comes as no surprise to me. The thought of leaving this planet and joining my wife can sometimes be my wish. To pass in my sleep. The antidepressants I take,  but you won't,  before my wife passed and for clinical depression and acute anxiety have saved me years ago from possible suicide. But you are right. No one knows how anyone really thinks or feels. We don't even know how we feel a lot of the time because until the meds kick in its just a wilderness of bizarre thoughts. A doctor prescribes Citalopram to anyone, a type of SSRI ( Google it, ) and things become some what bearable. Who knows what that could lead to? 

Love and Light

Geoff

Hello Geoff, 

The thought of leaving this planet and being with my wife is stronger than anybody reading this could imagine.

That thought has never left me in almost two years every second I'm awake.

I'll never ever see a doctor or go to any hospital now as long as I'm control of myself.

I will never ever let a pill pass my lips.

I had a triple bypass 27 years ago and told before I left Kings that I must take 350mg of aspirin each day seven day's a week for the test of my life, yes you read that correctly, 350mg of aspirin, and to add insult to injury I was told by my GP on my return home that I must take two warfarin seven day's a week for the rest of my life, like hell I would. 

Imagine what my insides would be like now if I had listened to them, at 71 I feel like a 45 year old and wished I didn't. In hind site now perhaps i should have done then i wouldn't be writing this now.

My day will come like everybody else's. 

In the mean time I carry on living a life of hell, misery and suffering. 

For those that want to carry on I wish them well.

Hi everyone 

This may be of interest to some of you regarding Grief Attacks?

I've come across a very interesting and profound video on YouTube. It's a part of a series by a chap called Dr. Bill Webster.  This particular episode is called  '  Living with Loss Series - Grief Attacks.'    Dr. Bill lost his wife when she was very young leaving him to bring up two small sons alone. So this man speaks from experience. 

Love and Light.

Geoff.

Hi Geoff, 

I am sorry, you have been feeling down. People arround us assume, things are getting easier for us as time passes by. How wrong they are! Things are not getting any easier for us. I find it harder and harder each day just like you.

The long dark autumn evenings are here and i am dreading, how i will fill each night in the dark house alone. And i haven't mentioned Christmas yet. Me and my husband had only one Christmas together in our new home.

I wish, i was able to write something, that would cheer up everyone a little bit. 

I  hope, we all have a good night sleep tonight and a better day tomorrow. 

Love and hugs 

Andrea xx

Hello Andrea

I am 4 months on and it really hasn't got easier, I actually feel worse now. Perhaps it's because I've been so busy sorting paperwork etc......but now I have more time to think about what I've lost, and how I will be able to cope with the years ahead. People who haven't suffered the loss of a partner mean well, but have no idea what it's like. Half of me is missing, and always will be.

Hi Lavender

You summed all  my feelings up in your post. All the platitudes given  by other people are well intentioned but entirely pointless. And as you rightly say ' How will I fill each night in the dark house alone.?'  And I'm dreading Christmas. My daughter has kindly invited me over and of course I'll go. But that will make the coming home to a soulless house even harder. A part of me wants to go fishing for two days no matter how cold it might be. Just to be on my own. All our Christmas decorations will be put out in a box at the end of our house front  drive. No matter what's there someone always takes it away ? What is there to celebrate? And for who? Christmas is overrated anyway. It's just for the kids - bless them. My lonely dark winter night's will be spent trying to consentrate on the TV but accompanied with many cans of beer. Beer for me takes the sting out of bereavement. I really don't care about my health at 73. I used to be into keep fit u ntill I lost my Annne. Now I don't bother. Keep fit for what? Keep fit for who? Anne doesn't need me to keep fit anymore in order to look after her.

I'm sorry my post is no more positive than yours but the truth is the truth.

Love and Light.

Geoff

Hi all my Xmas trimmings are in a skip nothing to celebrate my best half has gone I will go to the kids house for Xmas day and boxing day will probably help a little but the though of my wife not there has me so sad the rest of my time off work will be spent just trying to keep busy so I don't remember have a good day everyone 

Hello Newb,  all my Xmas stuff went to a charity shop last year. I can never celebrate Christmas ever again but if all my stuff, and there was a heck of a lot of it, all good and some expensive bits can give pleasure to children in a other family then Amen. I've had my wonderful childhood and enjoyed every Christmas and to use an expression, man and boy but now it's all over for good. So if kids can enjoy our Christmas stuff so be it.

As to me I'll be spending the whole day in the cemetery with my wife as I did last year from when the gates open until they kick me out to lock the gates.

I hope you all find a way of coping, God bless. 

Thank you I never thought of giving it to charity will do that I will be with kids and grandkids on Xmas day don't know if I will make it through the day without tears though