My grieving has suddenly got worse. I lost the love of my life just over two months ago. Despite the bad and not so bad says I seemed to be survinging somewhat OK. But the last two days have been hell. My mind has closed down and I'm walking around in a zombie state. I go through the day just doing what has to be done but its like seeing life through a thick fog. And there are bouts of intense upset where my inner pain and crying seems to be rising up from my very soul. I know I've been over doing the socialising during the last four days. Not deliberately but as a result of pre planned meetings that some how coincided with each other. Of course during these meetings my mind was taken away from the severe aspects of my loss so perhaps I've some how been suppressing my grief to the point of denial. Who knows? But now I'm paying the price it seems. Today I had to go in town to the bank to sort out some finances but in my zombie state of mind. Suddenly on arrival the intensity of flash backs regarding past memories where Anne would have been with me stabbed me like constant sword thrusts to my heart. Some how I did what I had to do but on the bus home I was close to getting off before my stop. Hiding the uncontrollable tears rolling down my face. Pretending I had something in my eye whilst frequently blowing my nose. Getting home was such a relief but then the grief started all over again. A few beers have helped quell the worst of it. Sorry about my ramblings. I just needed to express all this in writing. That's why our site is such a god send.It's the best form of counselling for me.
Love and Light
Geoff.
