Feeling Hopeless

I'm sending you a big virtual hug, you are so very young and so was your Ryan. I hate this disease.

I'm 17 months on this unwanted journey. My husband was 47 and that was too young. My son's (19 and 13) keep me going, I honestly am so thankful for them. We have no family living near and have not even had a phone call from any of my husband's family since his funeral. So we just support each other.

I'm glad you have family to support you, you will talk when you are able, nobody can know how to feel and act until you are in this position, and then however you behave is absolutely ok.

Please eat and rest, grieving is so exhausting. I still have days when I sit and stare out of the window. But then days that are ok.

Post on here as often as you need, someone is always reading 

Thank you so much for your response. I literally feel like no one on this earth right now can understand my pain. 

I could be in Timbuktu or have won the jackpot, nothing would make me smile or take away this feeling or loneliness . Life is just so cruel isn’t it?

I have been told on numerous occasions “your so young, you’ll meet someone else and get over it!” Or “good thing you didn’t have kids/mortgage/life commitment to deal with”  as if that helps my feelings in anyway. We talked openly about the future, and now he is gone and I am left with nothing. 

I am so sorry to hear your husbands family are not supportive. How are coping a year moving forward? 

Hi we all know the feeling I have had my grandkids here all but still feel alone this site is a great one to vent your feelings as we are all on this horrific journey hope you find some peace soon 

All you can do is take it an hour at a time. Try not to expect too much of yourself. Eat a little and rest even if you can't sleep.

I too have had "at least you didn't have children and you'll find someone else" and I'm quite a bit older than you. 

It’s so hurtful isn’t it? 

Regardless of age, grief is absolutely horrendous and no one should made to feel like “it could be worse..” 

Maybe I am doing it “wrong”. I have been trying to be normal. But nothing is helping or taking the pain away. I was always a 109 miles a minute person, and Ryan used to tell me off for doing too much at once and relax! 

Sleep is the worst. I keep waking up every hour by hour thinking of him. I just feel like my life is over. 

I am sorry for being so negative, but I just can’t seem to find any solution out of this black hole. 

Hi Ghan 123

I am sorry for your loss and feel for you. 

The grief we feel is same, whatever age we are and unfortunately there's no prescription how to heal it. Only people like us can understand best how we feel. There no timescale on how long our journey is going to be. We just have to take it slowly step by step as other members of this group have already advised you. 

You did the right thing to join this group. This is the only place for me to find comfort and say how i feel with no judgement. You could try to find a bereavement group in your area. The Macmillan support group will be able to advise. 

Thinking of you

Sending you hugs

ANDREA 

Hi Ghan123,

my heart goes out to you, it is a real physical, mental and emotional pain that can’t be understood unless you experience it. It makes no difference how old you are or how long you were together, you are being robbed of your past AND your future and of course your heart is shattered, you have lost your soul mate, your other half. It is awful. Do whatever you have to do to get through an hour at a time. Then day by day. That’s all you can do while you wait for some sort of healing to begin. 

We are all in the same pain. We understand. And you are not doing ANYTHING “wrong”, there is no instruction book for this horror, do whatever feels like it will get you through the next hour, cry if you need to, sleep if you can, talk or stay quiet, have another cup of tea, come on here and talk to us.

mind yourself

Fiona x

Don't try to find a solution. Let yourself grieve. You are not doing anything wrong. Grief is a natural process. Shout, scream, cry. Let it out.

Thank you Fiona.

His funeral has been organised for 3 weeks on Friday and I think I have been thinking about it all weekend which I have been so upset about it . His parents have been great and involving me in things for the ceremony. But my mind is my worst enemy at the moment. 

I have been barely eating to be honest. I am just not hungry. And if am, it is biscuits, crisps and nothing substantial. I think it’s comfort. 

I am reading old messages, pictures over and over and it just adds to the realisation that he is gone. Why do we do it to ourselves?

Hi . There is no words anyone can say that will console you . I am deeply sorry for your loss . Like the others have said on here all ready , take things at your own pace and just do what you want to do, not what anyone else wants. Cry as much as you want , we all know the pain and suffering you are going through and we are all thinking of you.

try to rest. 

Mike