Feeling Hopeless

Hi Ghan123 it is good that his parents are letting you get involved in the funeral. Don’t worry about not eating the right food . I am on this journey 7 weeks tomorrow and I am still only eating comfort food. As long as you eat something that is the main thing. 

Take care . 

Thank you all. 

I just feel so alone. This is not normal for a 28 year old to pass before he has lived his life to the full. 

Heres hoping tomorrow will be a better day and I can at least get out of bed. 

Hi All,

Just wanted to say Good night to you all. 

Thank you All for being here and sharing your feelings and experience with all of us. 

Sending you all my hugs and xxx

Sleep well and have a better day tomorrow. 

Thinking of you All. 

Andrea xx

Hi Grace,

My heart goes out to you. I think all of us on here understand how you have been feeling.

I think unless people have experienced losing their loved one and being robbed of their future they cannot understand what we are going through, and every attempt to do so is well-meaning but doesn't really give us any comfort because they haven't been where we are now.

That you are not eating and sleeping properly at the moment is so understandable. For months after Paul's death I couldn't eat properly and I actually lost a lot of weight. I just had no appetite and certainly didn't feel like preparing any food for myself. I slowly, very slowly, started eating again and eventually cooking for myself, but it took a lot of time.

I too have heard things like "You are so young, you will meet someone else" or "Well, you knew he was going to die because he had cancer even when you met him" or "What you have to do now is to try and move on from here". All those comments are coming from people who are feeling so helpless when they face our grief, and I am sure they mean well, but those comments are misplaced and don't help at all because, again, those people don't know what you are going through.

Do what is right for you. Take things at your own pace. Talk if you want to, be quiet if that is right for you, go for walks or stay in doors, write letters to Ryan, whatever it is that makes the next five minutes or one hour easier for you do it. The only thing I would say to you is: Try and eat even a little and maybe a little but often because otherwise you will only feel physically worse Grief is very exhausting, all the sadness and crying and trying to cope takes strength, your body needs to get some nourishment.

I know it doesn't help you when I say this now, but I feel I have to say it anyway and maybe it helps a little: It will get easier. But all you can do right now is to let your mind, your emotions and your body come to terms with a horrendous loss and that will take time. There is nothing you are doing wrong, because there is nothing you could do right. Grief is a very personal journey, only your own heart knows what to do and how to cope with it from minute to minute. Give yourself all the time you need. Come on here as often as you like, sharing whatever it is you would like to share.

Love and hugs

Mel.

Hello Grace,

I hope that as I write, you're getting some sleep (I live on the other side of the world). We may feel judged at times, that we're not being strong or not handling things as well as others but, as we all agree, it's easy to judge when you've never been there. There are no rules, guidelines, words to make us feel better and so, we have to do what feels right for us. I saw a therapist for the first time on Friday. It was a strange experience baring my heart to a total stranger, crying my heart out, then writing out a cheque. I don't know if it will help but I knew I had to try something to get out of this ever-deepening pit. Sorry I have nothing to say to help you feel better; just that I understand and am truly sorry you have to go through this at your age. I guess, in the end, we just have to go through the heartbreak, the hollowness, the tears. I don't know where we'll come out but one step at a time, I suppose. Try to get some much needed rest.

Thinking of you and holding you in my heart.