depressed and tearful

Thank you for that I'm at the hospital in tears first time since my wife died here so very hard

Hope everything goes ok for you today, Newb.  It must be so difficult being at same hospital.  I have avoided that so far and 3 years on.

Just reading all  your comments on this post,  and it really breaks my heart that you are all going through such pain right now.  I wish I could say something to make you all feel better but there is nothing I can say or anyone can do.   It will get easier but I know that is no consolation to you right now. 

But,  I just had to tell you my experiences regarding Autumn and Winter.  It seems you are all dreading the longer nights.    So was I,  but in some ways I found it easier.  I could close the curtains and shut the world out with mindless TV.  Come dine with me was my salvation if only for a couple of hours.   I didn't have to listen to neighbours out in their gardens enjoying themselves.  I didn't have to make myself do things I didn't want too - it was dark, cold, raining etc.  Good excuses.

Thinking of you all.

Hi Sue thank you for the kind words. I have just read your profile. It is very sad but not unlike my own . I also retired just over a year ago so we could do more things together. But my wife got melanoma which spread to her brain and she passed away 15 July. So like you we didn’t get very long to enjoy ourselves . I know you say it gets easier but at the moment I can’t see any future at all. And each day seems like a year. I hope it does get easier for all of us. 

Take care. Mike 

Mike

Everything you say in your post I recognise.  No hope for the future, endless days.  I remember all that so well.  Spending long lonely days crying all day and night because there was just no hope - nothing ahead but day after day of the same.  After a while, my old boss encouraged me to go back to work part time and that at least, gave me a purpose.  In some ways it was good and I am grateful to her but in other ways, it just delayed me coming to terms with everything.   I had to face the long lonely weeks again when I retired - again.

Paul loved music - and the radio was always on, or he was listening to cd's.   I just couldn't (and still haven't) turned the radio back on but a week ago, I decided to listen to  some Johnny Mathis cd's - always a favourite of mine.   Well, no surprise, spent a weekend in tears but now I am listening to cd's all the time.   I think what I am trying to say is, although time cannot make our lives complete again, it can make us stronger and more able to cope with our grief.  As they say, grief walks alongside us and I know, for me, it always will.  But I really can cope with it  now - most of the time.   I can smile, laugh and enjoy life again.  And I hope you will too.

Take care. 

Thank you for that Sue. I really appreciated it . It gives me a little hope. 

Mike 

I Newb, I hope all's with you. When i read your posts, i felt very panicky. I know how hard it must be to be back at the hospital. For whatever it's Worth, I just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you.

I did make it through the day but was so upsetting many thanks for your posts