depressed and tearful

It's the common ground the shared reference I miss it's too hard to explain to others but our other halfs would have got what we were saying instantly. I went on holiday (scuba diving) the other week it had been planed two years before I knew of Jerry's diagnosis he paid the final bill when in the hospice. He so wanted me to go. I was ok until he last day when I realised everyone was going home to tell others of the trip but I had know one . I know I can share it with  our sons bbut  it's not he same as with Jerry that's  what I miss the sharing of our stories even the day to day stuff.  We had nicknames for people you don't know but see often,  a lady in our local supermarket was named mrs overall from acorn antiques, so it always made us laugh. Likewise a person controlling traffic in a NT car park was named after a friend we knew  only Jerry and myself understood this. I dont sleep and like the weather have unpredictable downpours. I still feel his love and tell him every day what I'm going to do because it's too har after 33 years not to. Xx love to you all 

I also say good morning to my wife as I get in the car for work and always talk to her must think I'm mad at work it just seems normal because I always did it

Hi Puddle Fish,

Oh I totally get what you mean. We miss the special connection with the person we love the most, with the person who really understood us and whom we really understood, the person who was so close to us that it felt like we were one. Paul and I used to say sometimes that, yes, we were perhaps living like in our own little bubble but that we love our little bubble. And we so much did. We too had names for people and things and spoke in funny voices about them. Just so much companionship gone. It's heart-breaking. I miss my man every single minute of every single day like I am sure you do too.

Love, Mel.

Val, Mike and everyone else, I hope that today is going to be a day for you that will be a tiny little bit easier than the last ones have been.

Love, Mel.

Mike

Everything in your posts is exactly what I would say. 

Hi all . Another long lonely day ahead. Might go for a walk so that will take up one hour. Don’t know what I ll do for the rest of it. Can’t wait for bedtime to take a sleeping pill and try and forget. 

Mike 

Hi Mike and all got 7.5 hours to go till hometime tea tablets and bed hoping they knock me out till morning having a bad day tearfull back to work Friday for a while then off to oncologist to see how my cancer is going not to well I hope I want to be with my wife

Hi Mike

I've just got back from the shop. All i got was milk. I used to cook for us every day. Not any more. Just eating anything. Most of the time its a glass of milk and a biscuit. Back home now but nothing has changed. Seen couples in the shop. Its heartbreaking. My husband used to do all the shopping. I did not expect him to do that but he was very keen to do that and he enjoyed it, so i just let him. He always checked what we were running low and what's on offer at the shop. I never had to worry about anything. 

How can a life be cut short like this? 

I don't know what i am going to do today. There's always lots to do but have lost motivation. 

Alreday dreading of the thought that autumn is in way. The days will be shorter and i will be sitting in a dark house alone. 

I hope a little walk will take your mind away and you will feel a bit better. 

Take care

Andrea

Hi Newb and Andrea. Newb I hope your day goes quickly. I know exactly what you mean about joining your wife , I feel the same al the time. Let me know how your day goes later. 

Andrea we always did the shopping together and used to get a trolley load . I went shopping yesterday and got four or five items in a basket. Just milk and microwave meals. Like you not interested in eating. I got up at 7.30 had a cup of coffee and then went back to bed and had a bit of a weep . I am going to try and clean bathrooms today, but don’t know where I’ll get the motivation from.

i was thinking that last night about the long dark nights. It’s going to be a killer altogether. 

This new life we have sucks and I am really getting sick of it.

just do what you can today Andrea no more. 

Mike 

I do the same. Newb,always say good morning to his picture I have in the bedroom and always say goodnight.Even going out i tell  him I won’t belong.just seems natural.When I visit the cemetery I tell him all the news,what the family have been doing and how our three year old great granddaughter is coming on,I don’t really think about people hearing me,because as you say it’s normal to us.    Regards Val...