Defending oneself in grief

Oh Martha I'm so sorry that this happened. I'm glad you're having a meeting with the manager they need to know about this totally unacceptable behaviour. 

Sadly many people seem to think we should be over our grief which is unrealistic.

Welcome back if that's appropriate???

So sorry things have been so hard but well done for halving your antidepressants and embracing your grief.

You certainly have done the right thing requesting a confidential meeting, I'm sorry you have not got the support from the people sent to support you. You are correct that the support is how you choose to use it, either doing jobs to lighten your load or just to chat it's for you to decide.

You know you can say anything on this site, someone is always listening, my pals are good but family is another story!!!

Maybe someone else on here has better advice

Hi Wildcat,

Thanks for your response. I wish I could somehow describe the venomous way it was all said. There was so much anger there. I'm not sure what has happened. She was helping me so much, out of the goodness of her heart, right after Chris died. But, something has changed and I don't know what. But, whatever it is, it did not warrant her speaking to me like that.

Why can't people even try to understand how it feels when part of you - seriously, part of you - leaves and is never going to come back. I am grateful that I am feeling the full brunt of my grief now, but it is hard. And part of the conversation that annoyed me today was when she said that Chris had done too much for me and I was no longer self-sufficient. What did that mean? Yes, he took very good care of me, and I took very good care of him, too. We had a truly incredible love story and I loved him with every ounce of my being, as he loved me. I miss him so much, it is physically painful. Why can't people understand that! It is so cruel to be so dismissive of another's heartfelt pain.

I hope you are doing okay. I remember that we have conversed on here before. Sending you good wishes and appreciation for your ear and your words.

Martha

Martha I hope you get that problem sorted out. Our grief can go on for a very long time. 

Mike 

Hi Ruby,

Welcome back is fine. And it is appropriate. Where else in the world do people really understand what we are all going through and will probably continue to go through for the rest of our lives?

My good news is that my daughter and her family are moving to another area and we have decided the time is right for me to move with them. I currently live on the NW coast of Scotland, far from anything and anyone (except rude carers, apparently). So, we are now waiting on the graces of the housing associations around Oban to come up with two properties that are not too far from each other. My daughter has been told that they have a very good range of wheelchair-accessible homes. What a dream that would be.

I hate rocking the boat. This woman found the job because I pointed her in the right direction. I have been supportive of her since we became friends and perhaps I was blind to being used? I don't know. Before she got the job, I gave her a fairly substantial monetary gift to say thank you (after having discussed it with the family as to whether it was the right thing to do). She came here for nearly a month everyday to use my WiFi when her internet wasn't working. I just feel so betrayed. And it's nice to know I can come on here and share this with you all. It feels better to share. I don't want this woman to lose her job; maybe it's because we were friends that it was so difficult for her. But I do know that I don't think we can be friends anymore. Today was a complete betrayal.

M

xx

Thank you, Mike. I hope  you are finding each day easier than the one before...or not. One thing I've learned, the grief calls the shots.

Just realised that might sound off - with the "or not". Just that I know that we can't control how we feel day to day. Anyway, hope you know what I meant!

Don’t worry Martha , I know what you mean. To be honest I am finding it really hard at the moment. My wife passed away 5 weeks yesterday. And I just can’t seem to take it in. You know what it feels like I am sure , a constant pain and emptiness. Sorry rambling now. Take care Martha.

Mike  

Hi Martha. Sorry I don't remember talking before. 

Can see no way  forward, not doing at all well. I've just started a new antidepressant and waiting for a psychologist appointment. 

Oh my that all sounds like it will be the perfect solution I wish you lots of luck getting a property suitable and near your daughter how lovely. Something definitely to look forward to.

As I said previously you really don't need to feel guilty, this lady obviously has over stepped probably as you said because you are friends. But it's her job to be professional at all times. 

Maybe write things down that you wish to say other wise you may get emotional and cover what you want to when you have the meeting.

This site is probably the only place we can speak openly due to everyone understanding, I too am relieved when I get things off my chest on here. It does feel good to write things down