Anxious

Hi all I have had many sad things happen even losing my my son but have never had a pain. This bad

Morning All 

Andrea I’m glad ur feeling a bit ok this morning. Mike that broke my heart I also feel like that it’s dreadful isn’t it. I go oh I must tell him this or that then bang the pain I can’t.

Newb I am so sorry u have also lost a son I have a friend who’s lost her Mum and she said to be I k ow what your going through. I kindly told her I’m sorry you don’t 

ive lost both my parents, sisters,nephew, but never and I mean never have I ever experienced pain like this.

I sometimes wonder if he ever had a feeling because from near day one we fell instantly in love with each other and he always said to me oh God babe imagine if one of us died the other would die of a broken heart because we are so in love with each other and believe me there a lot of times I feel I am dying with this broken heart I will never be the same person without him. When he found out about the cancer he looked at me saying please please listen to me you are the mentally stronger out the Two of us you can do this you must fight to carry on living when I pass il always be by your side but you have to push through the pain and fight. I knew it would be bad but never ever thought it would be this bad 

I hope you all have a nice peaceful day 

love Jane X 

Hi Andrea Newb and Jane. Like you all I have never of thought that the pain could be so bad. Newb I am so sorry about your son , it must be so hard for you.  Andrea I am glad you are feeling a bit better. We will have a lot of ups and downs, more downs than ups I think .

jane we always talked about if one of us went before the other what we we do . We often joked about both going together. But it’s no joke now . A couple of weeks ago I was thinking about taking a lot of sleeping pills and joining her , but I didn’t 

Winnie said to me just before she passed “ please be happy “ but I find it impossible to be happy with a broken hart. The pain and loneliness and emptiness is just so overwhelming I can’t stand it.

Hope you all have some kind of semi good weekend.

 Mike  

Hi Newb

I am sorry to hear that. 

I know it won't eas your pain but i feel exactly same. Just don't know how to eas it. My stomach is hurting day and night.

The pain we feel is the emptiness next to us. The person who we were always side by side doing everything together. Laughing, chatting, cuddling into each other.

This empty space is causing our tremendous pain because we know nothing is going to replace our loved ones. 

I forced myself to go to the shop this morning. Only to get milk and chamomile tea. Was hoping, the fresh air and walk will make me feel a bit better. But it didn't happen. 

The sun is breaking through. Its a time of year when my husband would take holiday and we would be enjoying the sunshine on a sunny beach.

I hope, you will feel better. Try to do little things around the house. I am going to do the same. At the moment i am sitting with a mug of milk. Got James Martin on and his Saturdays kitchen.

I am thinking if you all. Sending my hugs and thoughts to you all. 

Love

Andrea

Hi Mike and all spending the weekend with the kids and grandkids caravaning missed my wife badly we always went together no one to say goodnight to grandkids keeping me busy but very sad

Hi Andrea and everyone in this thread. Hope you enjoyed Jane's martin packed me caravan up and came home ready for work tomorrow just can't put my finger on it cried all the way home forgot lots in caravan had to go back again. Seems I forget all the time now does anyone else have these problems

Hi Newb and all 

yes I do all the time my memory is horrendous now and sometime I can’t get my words out this crying and pain is so difficult to say the least. I went into work yesterday so I didn’t have to face another weekend sat watching the tv alone. My friend was trying to get me out for dinner and she called today saying I missed a fab night they was up dancing and that. I feel I am in no way shape of form ready to be out dancing and all that I know my friend means well. 

I was speaking before to a friend of mine he’s just lost his mum. He wants me to go and speak to his neighbour a man in late 70s I asked why he said he told Reg about me and that he was worried because he could see the pain I was in

so i went and meet Reg before he was so charming and very clever. He said to me when he lost his beloved wife he was a little older than me in his early 50s every detail he described I knew that feeling it was like he’d been on this forum and read  all of our post how we are all feeling. He did say he was in that much of a black hole he often thought about taking his own life to ease the pain but he’s so glad he didn’t. He said even the kids couldn’t stop him from feeling that way. He also cut of a lot of dead wood so call friends and family he said it’s strange it’s only when your rock bottom you see these people for what they are. Reg just said hang on in there the pain never goes but it becomes a lot easier to live with and it will just happen one day All this suffering now we will just wake up think of our loved one but with a warmth in our heart instead of this pain. One good thing he did say to me was Jane you could be surrounded by lots of people and you still feel this pain and loneliness but it’s only you know one and I mean no one can make you feel better no matter how hard they try only you can get yourself out of this pit of dispear and you will do it with out even knowing you are 

lookomg at him did make me thing we have all got to not feel this bad for the rest of the time we all have left down here it’s got to get easier for us all 

I did tell him about this forum and he said that’s a good thing you all know what your going through I said I take a bit of strength from the ones that have been on the journey longer than us they are really inspiring to us newer bereaved giving is up and willing us on saying it’s all natural what we are feeling 

hope you all had some sort of a nice weekend love Jane 

Thanks Jane hopefully there's a light at the end of the tunnel