I don't know how to cope with loss

Thank you so much all for support. It is very hard as funeral comes closer. You just get busy all day and then come home with realization, my husband is not coming back through the door anymore.  I never imagined such a pain after 16 years of our marriage. 

I feel emotions in waves, one minute it is bearable and then pain like a huge wave knocks me down. I don't even want to think what I will feel when I go back to work in three weeks....

At the moment I just love Elton John song "Free like horses"

"We are the victims of the heartbreak

That kept us short of breath

Trapped above these bloodless streets

Without the safety net

I stood in line to join the tribe

One more customer of fate...."

"Someday

We'll live like horses

Free rain

From you old iron fences

There;s more way than one 

To regain your senses"

Try to listen to this Elton John/ Pavarotti song. It is just beautiful.

Also, it is actually quite good therapy to write and cry... At the moment it is not one day at a time but one hour at a time. 

Hi KristyG73. I am so sorry for you I am just 2 weeks ahead of you. I keep expecting Winnie to walk in the door or say do you want a cup of coffee but it is never going to happen. The pain and loneliness is unbearable but we have to keep going through the tears   It’s not only 1 day at a time it’s 1 hour 1 minuet. I know it’s so hard but hopefully we will get through it. Try and sleep. 

Take care 

Mike

limbo

I've never dreamt of my husband. I imagine it could be bittersweet waking to realise it was a dream. Really wish I would though.

Hi Kristy and all,

I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad you have found this group of kind and supportive people.

As for dreams, I have dreamed of my husband quite a lot over the months and have found the process interesting as it seemed to represent my grief process. At first I could only dream of my husband sick. He was either in hospital and very sick, or we were at home and he was very sick, or I knew that he was sick and he was not present in the dream. Then, later on, I had a dream where he was very close to me, lying beside me in bed, healthy, and I woke up crying and felt terrible all day. After that I didn't dream of him for a long time, as if my soul was saying, "That was too much! I can't take this intensity!" Over time, the dreams have come back, and now I dream of him and don't even know whether he is sick or not, it doesn't seem to matter anymore, he is there and I am there, we are having a conversation or doing different things or whatever, but this is now how I would have had him in my dreams anyway while he was still alive. It's lovely to have him in my dreams. Of course I wake up and when I then realise that he is no longer here with me it is sad, but I love the dreams anyway.

Love, Mel.

I have had one dream and was in tears like you also I hope I have some more in time and can cope with them a bit better than the first I was glad I dreamed about her but broken   when I woke up

I have only had one dream as well Winnie was standing in one of her red dresses and she was coming towards me . The trouble is I can’t remember it very clearly. I would love to have another one. I will keep hoping. 

Mike 

Unfortunately, I do not have any dreams yet of my husband but I guess it is early days. 

I have put his picture on my phone wallpaper. It is helping me at the moment. Someday I still do not believe he is gone. 

I am dreading the days when all my busy schedules will be gone after this weekend. 

I have just found very beautiful Elton John early song: Skyline Pigeon. I can not stop playing it. It touches my heart. 

Hi Kristy G73

I am sorry for your loss. 

I wish i had a dream with my husband too but only had one just a few days after he passed away. He was wearing pyjamas as on his last days when he was ill and he hugged me.

The pain we all feel is unbearable. I am trying to distract myself but its only cheating as the pain is still there. I cannot even produce a smile on my face. 

We can only hope that one day we can cope and get on with the life. 

I wish you all a bright day. 

Andrea

Hi Andrea,

Some people say the person see loved one before they start their own journey to the universe. Who knows, in the same time seeing someone is the part of grieving. 

Due to my husbands terminal cancer, I have already started pre-grieving process since April. They say you it should feel later easier but it is not. It is so hard and one day I do not feel like crying but other day crying every hour.

I have lovely friends and relatives but they go back in the evening home to their own life, whereas as mine at the moment is like a tiny stream trying to reach powerful river through the mountain. 

Hi Kristy

I have few friends too. But as you say they go home to their families and we are left on our own. The days are very hard but the night time is worse. Knowing its going to be a long sleepless night with no one arround.

My stomach is in knots 24/7 causing me digestion problems. Don't know whether this is ever going away.

Its morning and i don't what i am going to do. 

Sending hugs to you all

Andrea