How to cope

Hello Melanie,

Yes, it is great to have this community where we can all share our feelings and thought perhaps encourage each other. I wish I was such a good writer as you all. I am reading everyone's message and feel for everyone. When these things happen we think we are alone, but we are not.

I went to see my husband today at the Chapel. It was very hard but I am glad I did it. I was crying next to him and talked to him. I told him how much I love him and miss him and I was talking about our memories we shared over the years. Seeing him  made me feel better, but I am still dreading of Thursday when his funeral will be. 

When I came home, I opened the box with the cards he gave me for my birthdays, Christmas, Valentines days. All the loving words he wrote on them I have been reading through them. 

People say, time will hell the pain. But I doubt it. Those people don't know. 

When  I am reading messages from those ones who have lost their loved ones month's ago or years ago, it does not seem their pain has eased. 

I am going to my GP tomorrow. Although not sure what they can do as I don't really want to start taking any medication. 

I am thinking of going to a coach tour. Probably somewhere we used to go together. 

I wish we here could meet up somewhere and chat with a cuppa. 

Its going to be another long night. We all need  good night sleep. Let's hope, we manage to get a few hours rest. 

Love 

Andrea

Another sleepless night ahead. Don't feel like sleeping at all.

Love to you all

Andrea

Hello Andrea,

I hope you managed to get some sleep. It's very hard to get through the day without sleep. If it keeps up, would you consider going to the doctors? I did and it has helped a little.

My thoughts are with you 

Marie

Hello Marie.

Just got back from town. Will have an hour rest then I have to go to arrange the wake at my husbands workplace. I feel I am constantly on the go. The letter box is full every day. Tired of dealing with paperwork. 

I am seeing a nurse today at 4pm.not sure how dsy can help though. Want to join a local group if there's any as I do not drive. Not keen on medications as don't want to be addicted.

I are you coping? 

Andrea

P

Hello Marie

Its 2.15 am and I am already awake.

Andrea

Just a thought,  do you belong to any Slovakian friendship groups? 

My neighbour is Slovakian and she organises a group for people in Reading, you might find the comfort of familiar customs and food, or the ability to explain things in your first language eases the pain of not having family. 

I think she runs it through Facebook.

I am really getting to grips with not being able to drive at the moment and it does make you feel like a prisoner in your own home.

D

Hi D

Thank you for the idea. I trully appreciate you are trying to help. I have been at doctors yesterday. They have tried to get me in to a local therapy group, but unfortunately this group is run within a local hospice therefore i cannot join them as my husband wasn't their patient. He died at home. 

I went to see my husband Rob today. For the very last time as the funeral is tomorrow. I asked me to give me strength. 

When we bought our house together eleven months ago, we took on an allotment at the same time. Rob planted lavender plants for me. I would have never thought that this year when the lavender shrubs bloom for the first time, i will be picking the petals for his funeral to sprinkle them over his coffin. 

When i got home today, i had toast with a fresh onion and tomato from our garden. I tought i was hungry, but was pushing it down just so i am strong tomorrow. The tomatoes and onion taste lovely. Its so much different when we can pick our own. Rob never had chance to taste them. He would be enjoying them now with his pork pie. 

Now i am trying to have a bit of a rest but its impossible to relax. Got his favourite CD on. Chria Rea is signing quietly. 

I hope you and all here have had a fairly good day. Been thinking of you all. Dreading the coming night though but won't be taking sleeping pills. 

Sending my love and hugs to you all. 

Andrea xx

Andrea just wanted to say that I hope you get some rest tonight. Tomorrow is your chance to say goodbye so do whatever feels right.

It's a shame he never got to see the Lavender.

Hi D 

Thank you for the suggestion. I don't use Facebook but i will have a look. I would rather join a local group face to face. I feel a bit let down that the local hospice has refused me just because my husband did not die there. Should this really matter if someone is calling for help? 

Just got to bed. Drinking a mug of calming herbal tea. 

My husband would be shouting at me now from the lounge 'Are you OK Darling? ` he would be watching telly and dropping of on the sofa. Our telly has not been on since. Its covered in dust and i keep ignoring it. How bad is this? 

I miss him horrendously. We had each other only and did everything together. 

Someone told me that everything happens for some reason. Some people have to learn what is life like alone. 

I don't know 

Love to you all 

Andrea 

Andrea, I used to believe that everything happens for a reason but not now. There is absolutely no reason that would explain why we have lost the love of our lives, how can that teach us anything except misery? I think sometimes bad stuff happens and there is no reason except bad luck. We have been unlucky this time, in the worst possible way. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. 

I’ve been thinking about you a lot today, I know how difficult it will be for you to sleep tonight because of the sad day you are facing tomorrow. Please know that we will all be with you in spirit, sending you strength. We will be here for you tomorrow if you need us. God bless you and god bless Rob. 

Fiona xx