How to cope

Hi Val47

I just knew it would get worse before it got better. I lost my lovely wife Anne just three weeks ago and felt I was coping fine - but I'm clearly not. I'm looking into the eye of the storm and I don't like the idea of what's coming. 11 months is a long time to still be greiving Val with things no better. So thats what I have to prepare for. Its all a living nightmare.

Bless. Geoff.

Hi Val, 

Thank you for the soothing words. 

We have been together for eight years. My husband was always very slim or rather tiny and because he loved the sun and sunny holidays, his skin was tanned all year round. Thats why they said it was difficult to spot jaundice on his skin. I keep looking at his pictures when we met to see the difference. Yes, he looked a few pounds more but before we met he used to go to gym. Then he stopped because he worked long hours and he wanted to come home to me. He was active anyway because he used to cycle everywhere as we haven't got a car. 

His first symptoms was a swollen tummy and pain. The doctor sent him home with muscle strain and told him to take pain killers. Cannot understand how a doctor didn't recognised its much more serious. I have read a lot of stuff on internet and everything about enlarged liver leads to same thing :(

When we asked afterwards he said that he didn't send him to A&E because he had no fever and he wasn't vomiting. 

I am really angry because they all say cancer often doesn't show symptoms. 

This only shows that minor symptoms are not always minor and should be investigated further

Andrea

Hi Geoff

I now the feeling. My husband was dragged away from me 13 days ago. I am dealing with arranging his funeral and its dreadful. I believe you are going through same. I am already frightened.

Andrea

Hi Andrea and Geoff. My wife passed 3 weeks on Monday. I live in Ireland and when someone dies here from death to bureal or cremation it is all done in 3 days . So I was kept busy from Monday to Thursday, when it was over then it hit me hard and it keeps hitting me. But I am glad I didn’t have to wait weeks for Winnie’s sake and mine. 

I haven’t got the hart to sort out banks and certificates and things like that, but I will have to do it soon 

My thoughts are with you. 

Mike 

  Hi Geoff ,so sorry for your loss,I am so sorry if I have made it sound as if things don’t get better,but everyone is different.I do have some times when I seem to function normally but then it just seems as if it hits me again,,And I just feel like I’ve lost part of me,it’s such early days for you Geoff and I know some of what you are going through,everyone was telling me that things would get better and I would be fine,but it was mainly people who still had their partners.I know the time will come when things will be better.but I think it’s just small steps to get there,we were married for 52yrs.Try and stay strong Geoff and everyone is here if you need to talk. Regards Val.....I hope this makes sense as I’m useless at writing things down....           

Hi Andrea 

I was lucky to have my daughter to help with Annes funeral arrangements and cancelling pensions etc. But Iv e  been dealing with Annes Will and the solicitor. It all seems so cold blooded specially involving Anne's finances when all I want to do is think about her. 

Bless. Geoff.

Hi Val 

That was a lovely response from you. You are OK at writing things down as far as Im concerned. 

Bless. Geoff

Good morning everyone, 

Another restless night and my stomach is still in nots. The silence in the house is dreadful. I miss my husband next to me.

Andrea

Hi Andrea

sleep is so difficult isn’t it. I leave the television on all night on low volume because of the silence. Once you wake up your head just starts replaying everything again and there is no chance of falling back to sleep. I did ok last night though, got four and a half hours.

hope today passes ok

Fiona x

Hi Fiona

I am very scared. The funeral is next Thursday. 

My husbands family fell out with me. As his death was very sudden, i wasn't prepared to part with him and i wanted cremation  and then burry his ashes when i am ready or just spread them in our favorite place. His family went completely mad on me as they wanted burial. At the end i agreed but went against my own decision. I wanted my husband near me and cannot put up with the thought he will be far away from me. 

I just hope one day we all find comfort and this terrible pain will ease. I wish there was something that fills this emptiness arround us. Something that kills this silence. 

Andrea