Just not coping

Yes Val my life exactly.You are future down the line than me . My wife died nearly two weeks ago I am walking around in a daze. Get up in the morning have a cup of coffee on my own. .do a bit of tidying not that there’s much to do. Yesterday I cleaned the sinks and bath and that was it . Yes it is a very lonely day after that .

Walk around the house,look out the window,turn on the tv .I think I am going slowly mad . Sorry Val this doesn’t help you at all , just want to let you know your not alone. 

Thank you for your reply winmick,my condolences to you on your loss. I’m just sat with a cuppa deciding if my oven needs cleaning Again,or turn tv on and watch more rubbish.Luv it when my phone rings someone to talk to.Once again thank you for your reply,Hope today is a bit better for you..

Hi again Val funny you should say that after I wrote that post I had a cup of coffee and went back to bed for a cry , and I was thinking when I get up I will clean the oven, Might do it later . My son is visiting me to night he live over 2 hours away and he always loved his mums scones , so I am going to try and make some , never done it in my life before so it could end up a disaster, but it will pass away an hour for me . I can really sympathize with you and if you ever want to talk I am always here. 

Take good care of yourself Mike.

Hi Mike, Well I’ve done the oven,and some washing,now just sat having a coffee.Really hope your scones turn out,that will be nice for your son.and even if they don’t taste like his mums, well at least you tried,And thank you for your kind words at the end of your post,nice to know someone is there to chat to.take care,Val....Let me know how you get on with the scones...

Hi Val scones look like biscuits but they taste ok will try again some otherday .. still haven’t cleaned the oven, lam going to have another cup of coffee that will pass away half an hour. The loneliness is unbearable it’s so hard to take it all in. Yes it is nice to know there is someone to chat to. Take care

Mike.   

Afternoon Mike,Well at least you said your biscuits tasted ok,don’t worry about what they looked like.How has your day been bearable I hope,I’m having a bad one today,all I’ve done is cry,Weekends always seem worse than during the week so maybe that’s why I’m down.keep practising with your biscuits........Take care..Val

Hi Val,

i had similar when I lost both my parents within a month it was hell for about 18 months I was just an observer of life. I had bereavement counselling and the a course of mindfulness. It helped a bit. Then knowing that Jerry had a terminal diagnosis I went to bits thinking the grief would be unbearable. I took up the offer of CBT and finished the course a couple of months before he died we also had some couple counselling at the hospice that was painful. There are days when I burst into tears, but with the support of friends and techniques I have learnt I’m copping. I try and go out, for a walk with a camera something we did a lot of, it helps but some days it’s a painful reminder so I do allow myself to cry then carry on. I also run through my plans for the day out loud just as I would have on the phone to Jerry, I find it like continuing the promise we made that we would move forward until perhaps our paths would recombine. See if some form of counselling helps try your GP. X

Hi Val , nice to hear from you .l through the first batch of scones in the bin and made some more following you tube they actually turned out ok . I am sorry you are having a bad day , but you are not alone . I went for a walk to a lighthouse near where I live today, the last time I was there the two of us went there for a walk a couple of years ago on our wedding anniversary. I just sat on a rock and cried, I’ve been crying for most of the day . I cooked a roast dinner today for my son as he is going away tomorrow and while I was doing that I was crying thinking I shouldn’t be doing this Winnie should. I am sorry this isn’t helping you at all. Hope tomorrow is a bit better for you.

look after yourself. Mike 

Hi puddle fish thank you for reply,I feel I am just existing from day to day,I am waiting to see a counsellor but for now I can go to the coffee mornings,I went to the first one last week,the next one is the 1st August, but in the meantime I think I  do need to visit my GP,before I get to depressed.Take care..Valx

Hi Mike,Sounds like your day was not very good either.But nice to visit somewhere that was special to you both.even tho it made you cry.ive been busy trying to make a memory cushion with one of Alan’s shirts,cursing him for not been here every time I pricked my finger with the needle,so that started the tears again.,And don’t say sorry because just having someone to chat to does help.Hope we both have a better day tomorrow.Take care..Val.