Just not coping

Hi Val I bet the memory cushion will be nice when it is finished and hopefully it will bring you some comfort.  Also yes I must agree with you it does help to have someone to chat to . Someone who understands the pain and loneliness that we have to go through. Talk again soon, and try and get a good nights sleep. 

Night Val,Mike 

Hi Val 

so sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time.

I have just got to the 1st anniversary of my husbands death. I can't decide if this past year has gone quickly or slowly. I guess that my aim after his death was to just make it through the first year which I feel done quite well.

I keep myself busy and make sure I go out most days. I never knew there was so much going on in my area. Just by going to one "friendship" group has introduced me to many more. Art therapy, social, book clubs, WI, and meet up groups. It was just a case of looking.My local hospice has a bereavement group that meet for 2 hours on a Friday morning. I have made new friends through this group and we keep in contact throughout the week. We are all there for the same reason.....to make new friends and being in the same situation we already have something in common.

while a lot of things I go to are not quite up my street I seem to find a couple of people I get along with which then makes going worth while and look forward to going. I sometimes join a walking group that is run by my local health authority.

weekends can be tricky but I often just go to my local coffee shop and sit with a coffee and read their newspapers. I can make that last an hour. Usually find someone to chat to. 

My bad days are few now but when I have one I accept it as normal. If I stay in and watch TV then so be it or if the weather okay I go out for a walk. Even just round my local streets. I find just being out lifts my mood.

being on my own requires a lot of effort. I had a lot of support and friends calling me at first but now that has tailed off. Now it's up to me to make a new life. Not the one I expected.

you have made a start so hopefully you can build on it. See what others at your bereavement group do. They probably know lots of groups between them.

thinking of you. Kathy x

Hi Val, I like the idea of a memory cushion something to hold and remember them by. Jerry was a very keen photographer we both are. So looking at his photos gives me a lot of pleasure. But like Mike I also sat and cried in a place that was special to us. I didn’t realise I was walking taking photos then reached the bench we often sat at and it just hit me sudden grief I had to stop. I was crying for quiet a while. Monday I plucked up the courage to go the the lake that the bench looks out onto and look at the view from the other end.   Be kind to yourselves sometimes we all need to cry no shame in that. Xx

Hi puddle fish. It’s nice to go somewhere special and sit for a while, but it is also very sad to be doing it on your own. I like you sat and cried for a long time. I have cried a lot today as well. It is good to have photos of the good times and hopefully we will be able to smile again like we were in the photos. But I am sure you like me are suffering pain and loneliness which we thought before could never be possible. We will never forget or stop loving,but hopefully we will heal. 

Look after yourself. 

Mike 

 Hi  Val  and everyone else on this journey, 

 I felt the same for the first few months and can really sympathise with  you. Fortunately, I had sleeping tablets which made sure that I was able to sleep through the night, but waking up in the morning without my husband was often very difficult and I couldn’t help but feel like: what’s the point  now that he is not here?  I felt physically and emotionally wrecked.  My problem was that I didn’t have many friends at the time and so, in addition to the effort that it took to get through each day, I also had to make the effort to make new and lasting friendships.  But I did. I joined meet up and other classes and I met up with friends as often as possible or spend time on the phone to them or to my parents.  The main thing I felt was to be distracted and the best distraction for me was with other people.  And work of course helped a lot as well, Particula Lee the days when I was very busy were great.  Today I still don’t like the weekends and I am still having bad days okay Asian early but I am able to cope with them a lot better then I used to. I think this process is different for everyone of us.  And I think that, as long as we make sure that we eat and sleep and get exercise and don’t isolate ourselves from others, all we can do is wait and till it slowly gets better. Love and hugs