Struggling

Hi Andrea. I imagine it is hard looking at your new kitchen and not wanting to cook. All the dreams and plans for the future we all had now all gone . I did a small bit of gardening today and went for a walk. Seeing the lovely weather reminds me of when we would sit outside in the sun with a drink not even talking just sitting enjoying each other company, now I can’t even bare to be out in the sun. I have the tv on as well at the moment countryfile but like you not watching it. I sent you a friend request. Hope you have a peaceful night. 

Mike 

Feeling your pain. 

Hi Newb. A tough day, I hope that in time you can find peace that your wife's ashes are with her mother. 

I never knew it was possible to cry so much. I usually end up with a headache. 

Hope you get some sleep tonight. 

Thank you I think I have dried out no more tears left just pain and yes a headache hope you all get a bit of sleep tonight 

Sad day for you Newb. Hope you get a decent nights sleep. 

Mike 

Good morning Mark, Mike and All

I hope, most of you had a good night sleep and woke up to a better day. 

I got up early. Went to tidy up the front of the house as i felt the anxiety was coming. Trimmed the shrubs, swept the leaves. Normally we would do these jobs together. Its hurting doing it alone without my husband. I keep saying to myself that he would want me keep the garden tidy. 

Back in the house now but my mood is low. Don't know what else to do. 

What future have we got? Is there a hope for better days to come? The pain is persistant. Its never eases. 

I hope, today will be a better day for all of us. 

Thinking of you all with hugs and xx

Andrea 

Morning Andrea , Mark and Newb. Hope you all had a good night. You must have been up early Andrea to do all the sweeping and trimming already. The trouble is when you do the jobs to early the rest of your day can drag. All I’ve done so far is have two cups of coffee. I’ve got widows form to post later , which I don’t want to do as it makes it so definet . Maybe do a bit of gardening again I just don’t know. Ever day seems to get harder than the last. And it’s just going to go on and on and on. It’s right when you say the pain and anxiety never leave us. I find the only good thing in my life is talking to all of you. Hope the day gets better for you Andrea. And for the rest of us. 

Mike 

Hi Andrea and all 

I've got up at half ten and it's too hot to do anything inside or out, even if I had the inclination. There are no good day's are there, just shades of bad ones. 

You are right, the pain is unrelenting. I've got up and not even put the kettle on. The first thing you did for each other. 

If it was cooler I'd go for a lonely walk, just to get out of the house. Just looking out the window, and clock watching. Lost to death aren't we duck. 

Hoping the pain eases is all we've got as the world goes on around us. 

Hi Mike and all 

A work colleague told me, it has taken two and a half years for him to find peace. After losing his wife. He didn't go on holiday for two years. He had a memorial bench for his wife, at the local park. He had a family picnic there one day and said he doesn't know why but he now feels at peace. He gave me hope but as you all say we don't feel it right now and we honestly don't believe it for now.

But we cling to it, though. 

Hi all,

I've had a bit of respite from the silence today in a perverse sort of way. My neighbours drain is blocked and because of the random way drains are done in the sticks - if you can call just out of Reading the sticks - a common sewer runs across my garden, so I've had two lads from Thames water trying to get the drain cover up and we all had a look down the massive hole - it has steps concreted into the wall!  

So they have got to wait for a team that is allowed to enter that type of inspection pit, its given all the neighbours something to talk about and watching them pretend not to be curious has been quite a laugh, sometimes people watching can be so funny, and sometimes so sad when you see a couple that remind you of your life before.  But at the moment there are two blokes roasting in the cab of their lorry waiting for two more blokes to climb into the drain, I don't think it will be sorted today.

D