Struggling

Hi Mark I'm 64 and like you am making no plans for the future  my wife was 60 in hospital I now live day to day not wanting to think about the future 

No Mark you’re not being negative . I can’t imagine ever being happy again. And you are right there is no point in making plans for retirement. You work all your life for what nothing. Because nothing matters any more . I just live one day at a time and know that each day that passes brings me one day closer to being by Winnie’s side . Maybe one day we will be able to laugh again but at the moment I can’t see it. I recently wondered what hell would  be like, well I think we have found out. It must be hard for your dad loosing his wife and then his daughter in law. Hope the three of you had comfort with each other today.take care. 

Mike 

I agree  percent this is hell and no point in looking forward as I have nothing to look forward to 

Hi Mike 

We might have a bit of money in the bank, a nice car, nice home. But now none of it means anything without your other half. The car is a just a lump of metal, nice home is just an empty shell, money in the bank seems worthless. I've no interest in spending money, not even for a pair shoes that I need.

If my wife was happy, I was happy. That was simply enough. So simple but so true. 

Hope one day we will feel differently, live in hope. 

Hi Mark

That's very true. Me and my husband moved house a year ago. We had a new kitchen fitted, where we can cook lovely meals every day, sit with a cuppa and chat. We were planning other jobs in the house but now its all on hold. The kitchen is beautiful but as you say, now it means nothing. I have got no one to cook for. Not anymore. 

We were planning to retire together. Now i don't know what i will do without him. I feel lost forever. 

Andrea

Hi Mike, 

How did your afternoon go?

I have had a look on internet. Its a lovely island. I lived in Scotland for four years on Isle of Bute. Loved the walks and the fresh air. I can imagine, the walks alone are not same. I live in West Midlands now in Coventry.

I tried to keep occupied today as was getting anxious again. Ended up cleaning all windows just to get over the anxiety. 

Got tv on now. Not watching it though.  David Attenborough is on and his documentaries. His voice is ever so calming. 

I hope, you manage tonight the best you can.

Thinking of you

Andrea

Hi Mark no truer words were spoken. Everything we had we had for our other half, now it all means nothing. I still keep the house tidy and try and do a bit of gardening because I know that is what Winnie would want but my hart isn’t in it anymore. And I was always going to B&Q or homebase to by things for the house , but that has all stopped. I like the words you said “ if my wife was happy I was happy “ . But happy is a thing of the past. 

Hope one day we will be happy. 

Mike 

Hi Andrea 

So true duck. 

I moved a vase from a window sill while dusting this week. 2 minutes later noticed the empty window sill immediately, put the vase straight back. It was like I had removed Jayne from the house. Awful feeling, won't be able to change a thing in the house as the house and its contents is Jayne. It's still painful opening any draw or anything else in the house as it's contents is a reminder of her. God knows how long this feeling will last. 

It's just a cold empty shell now, bit like myself. 

Hoping we won't always feel this way. 

Here's to hope, for the hopeless 

What else have we got. 

Hi all my wife ashes were sprinkled in the crematorium with her mother as it was our anniversary today I went there this morning I have never cried so much in all my life what a life is it worth it